Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with DH's family over DS's birthday gifts?

47 replies

MamaG · 08/03/2007 13:33

DS was 3 yesterday. They all sent cards and cheques.

I was a bit peed off as he was only 3 and its nice to get presents to actually open isn't it? I felt that they could have made a bit more effort. If he was 13, or even 8 or 9, money I'm sure would be very welcome to him and while I am grateful that they sent him something, I feel its a bit of a cop out.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 08/03/2007 13:35

Aw, hard to know what children have got and like - if they'd all sent you plastic junky things or duplicates of toys he already had, you'd have minded that too, I bet

Jessajam · 08/03/2007 13:35

It can be hard if you don't see a child very often to know what sort of thing they would like/haven't already got, but they could have phoned you/DH to ask for ideas couldn't they?

throckenholt · 08/03/2007 13:36

Personally I prefer money - especially from people far away who have no idea what we already have or what they like, and have to pay postage on top of the price of the present.

Assuming he got presents from you - that should be enough for the day - and then he can have the fun of spending the money later.

southeastastra · 08/03/2007 13:37

aw pressies are best for a 3 year old!

dejags · 08/03/2007 13:37

My Pet Peeve.

Their only saving grace is if they are really far away - posting presents when you aren't sure what the recipient presents its own set hazards.

Incodnito · 08/03/2007 13:39

Not a cop out, they wouldnt know what toys etc your DS has, money is safer.

Take him for an exciting afternoon to the toyshop and let him pick his own pressies

Original poster
MamaG · 08/03/2007 13:39

hmmm mixed response!

I'd still have been happeir if they had sent pressies. We are talking grandparents after all - and both sisters are godparents to my dcs

OP posts:
Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 08/03/2007 13:40

I know how you feel my little boy will be 3 in june and my DH family have never bought him a present they only ever give him money even when he was born - To me no thought goes into giving him money its as though its a duty i think its crap all the y have to do is ring you and ask what he would like (like my family do)

ChocolateTeapot · 08/03/2007 13:43

I do know exactly where you are coming for. I would love my PILs just once to have sent a crappy soft toy for DD or DS (DD is 8) They live in Spain so I know it's hard but not impossible as we have managed to send presents to them. Every year regular as clockwork a £10 cheque turns up for birthdays and Christmas.But in this case it is a sign of their complete indifference to my children. If they actually ever saw them or where interested in them I wouldn't mind very much.

Original poster
MamaG · 08/03/2007 13:43

I agree - a quick phone call, or failsafe: books and lego! You can never have enough of those IMO

OP posts:
3andnomore · 08/03/2007 13:44

HM, I htink money is actually better, as that way you can get your son somthing you really want him to have...surely teh presents to open are provided by their parents?

southeastastra · 08/03/2007 13:49

but it would be really exciting for a 3 year old to receive pressies through the post on his birthday.

throckenholt · 08/03/2007 13:49

I think there are 2 camps with this - those who prefer money so you can get what you want, and those who prefer presents.

Unfortunately I am of the money camp and both my SILs are of the present camp - so we constantly p*ss each other off - they think I can't be bothered to get their kids presents, and I constantly curse them for filling my house up with either crap or very nice but huge things that my kids happen to not want to play with.

Original poster
MamaG · 08/03/2007 13:50

Exactly sea

OP posts:
princesscc · 08/03/2007 13:54

Fair enough to give money if they are long way away etc, but if they'd have thought about it sooner, they could have sent you the money and you could have got whatever you thought was best and wrapped it on their behalf. My in laws are just the same - best one was when they bought dd a personal cd player, just like the one they bought her the year before! Then just to add insult to injury, I took it back to Argos, only to be told that it was a free gift with something, so I couldn't return it!

Original poster
MamaG · 08/03/2007 13:56

thats even worse

OP posts:
Steppy1 · 08/03/2007 13:58

at least he got something...My MIL sent dd's 4th birthday present......8 weeks atfer her birthday because she couldn't be arsed to get herself organised on time.....

fruitful · 08/03/2007 14:04

Ooh lovely. You can have a shopping trip!

My relatives all phone/email me and I am expected to think up lots of ideas for them to choose from. And none of them are capable of talking to each other so I have to send each a different list. Then they send the present, wrapped up, and I unwrap it and spend half an hour removing all the plastic ties and assembling the thing and putting batteries in, and then wrap it up again - in new paper cos the old stuff doesn't fit any more. Sigh.

Perhaps next time I'll tell them to get over here, get down on the floor and spend a couple of hours playing with the kids, and then go to the toyshop and have fun choosing something. (and then I'll take it back cos its plastic crap)

I don't think any of them would go for sending a cheque. .

You've just got to train them to send the chq in advance so you can buy a present 'from' them.

yellowrose · 08/03/2007 14:28

No, be very very grateful. I hate other people's taste in clothes. Toys are ok, but have ended up with 2 of the same thing before.

Money is great, you can stick in his Child Trust Fund, which is what I do

USAUKMum · 08/03/2007 14:28

MamaG, I can see how you are really annoyed. After all a 3yr doesn't understand money -- they want stuff We have an Amazon list set up for our LOs for the distance people to buy from (though the ILs often end up using it as well [sign] ) so that gets around the whole thing about them asking, you telling and them sending thing. Also my parents (from the States) will often come to visit within a month of the birthdays, in this case they'll send a little something in the post, then when they arrive much fun is had by going off to the toy store and buying something there.

fryalot · 08/03/2007 14:31

If it makes you feel any better, last year for ds's 1st birthday, my mum rang me up to ask what I wanted for him.

I said that I would like one of those wooden push-along cart things filled with bricks (he loves to push his sister's toy pram and loves playing with bricks so I thought this would be wonderful for him)

My mum said ok.

There was a mix-up with the order so it arrived three weeks after his birthday.

It was nothing like I had asked for.

Thought I should tell my mum, as I presumed the order had been totally mixed up. Mother replied "oh, yes but XXX (my nephew) had one of those and didn't like them, so I thought I'd get this instead"

WHY WOULD YOU ASK WHAT TO BUY, THEN CHOOSE YOUR OWN BLARDY PRESENT?

Ds still hasn't got a wooden cart thingy and the present he did get never comes out of the toy cupboard.

At least you can buy him what he wants.

LazyLine · 08/03/2007 14:37

I understand why people send money as I get really pissed off when my DS gets something useless or a duplicate. However, as a 3 YO, surely he would like to open presents?

Surely a compromise would be for them to send money before his birthday so that you could choose something for him. Maybe this would means that you could put all their money together and get something amazing!

My family tends to call round and ask what to get for children.

LazyLine · 08/03/2007 14:38

Just to add that I did tell people what I wanted for DS's birthday last year. Everyone was asking so I made an online list. People still got something else or gave money and those that got something else got duplicates!

Everyone likes to do it differently.

womba1 · 08/03/2007 14:44

At least they remembered MamaG!! Our dd was 1 at the end of Jan and they didn't even remember! Then , when they were reminded by my very upset dh, his mother sent a cheque for a tenner! Sorry, i know that sounds ungreatful but she always spends a fortune on her other grandchildren!
I'm looking forward to seeing if they remember our ds's 4 birthday in a couple of weeks.
If they don't, i'm not going to hold my tongue this time!

princesscc · 08/03/2007 17:17

just remembered something else my in-laws did! Last year they forgot my birthday completely and the year before they sent me a card addressed in my maiden name - I've had the same bloody name as them for 16 years!!!