To think this is excessive

[Jemimapiddleduck]

People who drink daily

Even if it's "just" a couple

I don't think it's an amazing idea to drink daily but lots of people do. However, I would be annoyed if a partner was getting noticeably tipsy every single evening and weekend, since that's the time we have together. I don't want all my interactions to be with the blurry, slightly pissed version of DH. I like him sober!

People have the right to make iffy health decisions, god knows I'm far from perfect in that regard. But if it's impacting your relationship in an immediate way - i.e. it's not just you fretting about long-term consequences on his liver, but it affects his behaviour and the relationship dynamic right now - then you've every right to talk to him about it. And if it's his tipsy behaviour that's the real problem then I think you'll do better saying it straight than if you try to convince him it's dangerous or inherently excessive. That information's out there, he already knows and has chosen to ignore it.

Yes but your second post doesn't match your first which is why your getting the answers you are.

Having one or two drinks every evening or with their meal while staying within the guidelines of health is fine.

What your second post is describing is someone drinking every day, while probably going way over the recommendations but using the excuse of im only having a couple.

The thing with the second scenario is you don't know if it's a choice or a dependency, either way its not really anything you have control of and your opinion sounds like it's not wanted.

Only the person drinking can make any decision over it and I'm not saying that to be hurtful to you it's just the truth.
All you can do is make a choice over if you can live with a person who drinks or not.

Can I suggest contacting an organisation for families of alcoholic/dependant people, tell them the whole situation and get some support then hopefully things going forward will be clearer for you.

Don't you have something better to do than play food/drink monitor to other people?

It depends. Does your partner ever have the odd night off from drinking? For example if they had to drive? Or do they insist they need a drink or two every evening?

My understanding of alcohol abuse is that it can be the need to have a drink that indicates alcohol issues, rather than necessarily always the quantity consumed.

But I don't necessarily think having a small amount of alcohol each evening is an issue (although it's not the healthiest thing in the world) unless it's causing problems for that individual or their family.

One or two a night is surely only a problem for whoever is drinking, and then only because the recently revised govnt guidelines 'suggest' at least two free alcohol days per week. It may then increase their risk very slightly of alcohol-related illnesses later in life. Unless they are very unusual, it won't affect their personality, their relationship or their ability to do things in the evening.

Calling it 'excessive' would therefore be unreasonable as that would imply that it negatively impacts them and, by association, the people around them.

If it is just one or two, why do you care OP and why do you say he 'has' to have one - maybe he just likes it? Would you say the same about people who drink tea, coffee or coke daily?

YABU- what do you know about alcoholism? Or problem drinking? Why is your belief that's is excessive meaningful in anyway?

For me personally I wouldn't want to drink every day as I don't think it's a healthy habit to get in to.

Having said that I do also think there is a world of diffrence between someone having 1x 175ml glass of wine with dinner each day than someone who is drinking a bottle of wine or more a night

Btw NHS guidelines, as well as being pretty much made up, relate to health, not addiction or problem drinking.

No. I don't think it's as easy as stating that someone who drinks daily drinks to excess. Although many people who drink daily do drink to excess, I know loads who don't - me included. I can have a few days off, and occasionally I do, but mostly I don't. But I don't think it's excessive to have two average sized glasses of wine most days or the week and I rarely have more unless it's an 'occasion.' I do not get drunk at home on an average evening in front of the TV and I am almost always the least drink of my friends when we go out or socialise.

On the other hand I know people who do't drink at all during the week, come in from work and have cups of tea all evening. But come the weekend they binge drink horribly, wantonly, embarrassingly, disastrously.

I think their problem is greater than mine.

I agree with Wolfiefan. Personally I think drinking every night signals an issue of some kind, even when it's 'only' one or two. But it's so normalised that many many people refuse to believe it's a problem and will get super defensive about it.

I think everyday is excessive.

Personally I think drinking every night signals an issue of some kind, even when it's 'only' one or two

Tell that to all the French people who wouldn't dream of having their evening meal or their lunch without a moderately sized glass of red wine by their side.

The problem is not the drinking, but the knowing when to stop drinking. Not all of us have that problem. I think the French are more in control because they will sip wine slowly and mainly/only with their meals, whereas we as a nation have developed a relatively recent taste for daily wine but we like to neck it back with abandon while cooking dinner, while eating dinner and then for the rest of the evening while we loaf on the sofa with a family bag of Maltesers in our lap as well.

As a rule the French don't drink for the main purpose of getting a bit drunk, whereas, sadly, we do.

fzz 33 - someone who has a couple of bottles of beer a night is not, believe me, an alcoholic! As the wife of a long term recovering alcoholic I know what I am talking about. An alcoholic would be more likely to HAVE to drink a couple of bottles of vodka a night! I enjoy a gin and tonic on a Friday night and wine with dinner over the weekend, tend not to drink on "school" nights. Enjoying a drink and needing a drink are very different things. As French Lavender says above - we Brits tend to get it very wrong.

Meh. My family is Italian and Spanish mixed. It's very common to drink wine daily, with food. It's not seen in the same way as it is in the UK.
Appears to have significant health benefits too.

motheroftwoboys sorry I probably worded it badly. I didn't say I agreed with the 'alcoholic' label at all! In fact I thought it was ridiculous. But the first question the nhs ask is 'do you drink every day', and even if it's a tiny amount, it's deemed worse than those drinkers who have no 'off switch' and instead have long periods of abstinence and then binge - a trademark of alcoholism. Hope I didn't offend.

It can just be habit rather than a problem. My dad has (in my opinion) a problem, he has to drink daily or he gets the hump. He doesn't drink loads every day but he seems to need to. My mum (they live apart) on the other had will generally have a small glass of wine with her evening meal - always has done since she was a child almost (bloody Europeans.... ) and that's just what she drinks with her supper. If she is out or not having supper or whatever she happily goes without her glass and very rarely has more than that but she will always have it if it's just a regular evening.

It's easy to underestimate the strength of alcoholic drinks. Wines in the UK have got stronger, usually 12-13% rather than 8-10% which has become less common.

A person "just having a glass of wine" could be having 125ml of a weaker wine or 250+ml of a stronger wine. That's a big difference in outcome to the liver, waistline, and potentially their behaviour. You could have a drink every night and stay under 14 units per week like the elderly relative and her bedtime tot, but I suspect that most drinking daily will have a couple of units more adding up than they realise.

When comparing with countries like France, the wine is also served with water on the table which will slow down or reduce consumption.

I don't think it's a great lifestyle choice, but I suppose that the test is in how easy or otherwise they find it not having a daily drink.

My husband would drink every day if he could; I hate it because he changes even after one drink. Less focused, more argumentative, less useful with the kids; just generally crap to be around.'

So yes, I would find it to be too much (esp as I come from a family who never drank). Thankfully DH wants to stay alive for many years to come and so adheres to the 14 unit limit.

LaContessa - Unless he as one of those bottle of wine sized glasses I'd find it hard to believe that he changes that much after one drink - really, crap to be around?

Are you sure your family's attitude to alcohol isn't colouring your opinion slightly?

To those who say that 2 drinks a day indicate a problem of some kind - what do you say to people who drink 4 or 5 cups of tea or those who say they can't work until they've had their first cup of coffee of a morning?

As FittonTower said, it indicates a habit, not a problem.

Notthemessiah I'll bow to your opinion as you obviously know him better than me trust me, I can tell when he's had half a can of beer. He's just different - crap, useless, unhelpful different. It is annoying for me as I made a conscious decision to marry what I thought was a capable adult.

I think my background probably makes me more likely to notice the smaller changes in behaviour while drunk, yes. It doesn't mean they are not there, just that everyone else is used to a level of baseline incompetence. That seems sad to me, frankly.

I agree with you OP but I will add that my opinion is somewhat skewed by the fact that I've seen alcohol destroy a wonderful family.

Some people are very easily affected no alcohol. I used to have meals, back in my twenties, with a woman who would end up pretty much plastered after half a glass of wine. One full glass and she was a hysterical, giggling idiot. I learned not to go eat out with her after a last embarrassing incident when, as a treat, she decided it was her turn to drink two. I never again want to dress someone on public transport who thinks the poles are for dancing round.

*by alcohol

This is where I probably should add that I am French and come from a family of NON alcoholics.

I would say the same about anyone who has to have a (non essential) food out of habbit everyday, the person who has to have coffee every morning or tea.

I don't mind having a spliff every so often, but if its not in the house I wont panic - never really fussed to buy it as I don't like the illegality of it but if I am given a small amount great!

I do also think that you should be able to enjoy a meal without wine. Wine adds to the meal but most often or not I don't actually see people pairing the wine with food, its once again that they have a drink every night regardless.

My original question wasn't intended to be about my partner - it was a comment his mother made.

For context my partner does drink too much. Minimum 3 cans of beer a night, some nights 11 most nights 5-6. He would really struggle to not have any.

Id say you partner quite clearly has an alcohol Problem.