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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is outrageous

30 replies

Tiptoes11 · 03/04/2017 20:54

DD is 16, 17 in July. It was one of her good friend's birthdays today and she's just shown me a post on instagram of the gifts her friend got.

Bearing in mind she's just turned 17, her mum and dad got her:

A new car
Some designer shoes, handbag and matching purse
Chanel make up & perfume
Some expensive looking jewellery
£500..... in cash
A whole wardrobe of designer outfits for summer
3 bottles of champagne
A new iPhone
And
A digital camera
That is literally just from her mum & dad. I know it's none of my business and I don't like judging, but 17 isn't really a "special" birthday. I'd save it all for her 18th.

For DDs 17th we have got her 10 hours of driving lessons (at 250) and a new laptop which she requested.

Is it wrong of me to think this is the reason some children grow up not appreciating things and not learning valuable lessons because they've had everything handed to them on a plate? AIBU to believe that these type of kids are the self-entitled selfish money grabbers we see in adults today?

When DD turned 16 she immediately got a part time job at the local chippy and I am convinced it has done her the world of good. She is so selfless and caring (I'm not boasting nor playing the my kids better than yours card) but I just feel a bit sad for this girl.

OP posts:
lavenderandrose · 03/04/2017 20:55

Some parents have more money than others.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 03/04/2017 20:56

Mind boggles for her 21st!!
House likely!!

Original poster
Tiptoes11 · 03/04/2017 20:56

I totally understand that, but isnt that a bit OTT? Hmm

OP posts:
NorfolksGiven · 03/04/2017 20:56

I wonder what they'll get her when she's 18?! Her very own island? A house?

highinthesky · 03/04/2017 20:57

YANBU.

But if DD has got her head screwed on she won't be envious of her 17yo friend.

Original poster
Tiptoes11 · 03/04/2017 20:59

Also DD works hard at her school work and this "friend" doesn't. She's not the jealous type but she showed me the post because she was just as shocked as me!

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 03/04/2017 20:59

Some have more money than sense too. What the OP has listed must have cost about 10 grand. I can't even remember what I got for my 17th birthday but it would have cost about £20 (in 1978).

Boulshired · 03/04/2017 20:59

Personally I have no problem with how much parents spend on their children but I do have a problem with them not teaching their children that bragging all over social media is unpleasant.

Iflyaway · 03/04/2017 21:00

Sounds like they are trying to buy her off.

Ridiculous anyway. What are they teaching her about life?
You could lose it all tomorrow.

lavenderandrose · 03/04/2017 21:03

it's only OTT because it's outside the range of 'normal' for you (and me for that matter :))

I had many sniffy comments as a teen because my parents were constantly going on holiday and taking me with them. It wasn't my fault, and it's not your DDs friends 'fault' her parents spoil her.

Putting pressie pictures on instagram is normal teen behaviour.

Also FWIW my parents encouraged forced me to get a part time job as soon as i was sixteen and it didn't improve my work ethic, just made me lazier and resentful!

chitofftheshovel · 03/04/2017 21:05

Each to their own.

Personally driving lessons and a laptop is way over what mine would expect.

It's all relative.

sniffle12 · 03/04/2017 21:05

I guess YOLO.

But you hope her parents have given her whatever work ethic got them in the position to give her those things, or she'll be coming down with a bump when she has to fund her own lifestyle in future!

VioletPeggs · 03/04/2017 21:07

Maybe they can afford it and it's not much to them?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 03/04/2017 21:08

For DDs 17th we have got her 10 hours of driving lessons (at 250) and a new laptop which she requested

As per PP.

What you bought your daughter for her 17th sounds pretty lavish to me.

Diff'rent strokes.

FeckinCrutches · 03/04/2017 21:10

Maybe the £500 of stuff you got for your Daughter's birthday might seem 'excessive' to some people Hmm

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2017 21:10

A new car as in brand new off the forecourt or second hand?

Each to their own and all that, it is a lot though based on what my three had at 17.

RedheadLover · 03/04/2017 21:10

I agree, by my standards that's OTT for a 17th (or even an 18th!) birthday. And I don't much care for posting mountains of presents on social media, it comes across as a little crass.

Sushi123 · 03/04/2017 21:15

Showboating parents....it's a ridiculous amount of crap to give a 17 year old

Lochan · 03/04/2017 21:16

I don't think it's any of your business to be honest.

I absolutely don't see how hard she works at school is relevant.

I also think that that's a fairly specific and identifiable list and it's quite mean to slate a 17 yo online.

Teabagtits · 03/04/2017 21:35

Gosh! I got one £10 driving lesson when I turned 17. I guess if the parents have the money then why not? It's not the extent I'd go to even for a landmark birthday but each to their own.

nursy1 · 03/04/2017 21:37

It is over the top.
Having a part time job has really been important in teaching my kids the value of the money they spend. As you say " does them the world of good"

InvisibleKittenAttack · 03/04/2017 21:41

Some people are considerably richer than you.

That's a lot for you. That might just be 'normal' for birthday gifts for that family.

She might end up spoilt and expect things to be just handed to her as an adult. Or alternatively, she might have this as an idea of what a 'normal' lifestyle should be and so be more driven when she enters the world of work and not be prepared to settle for an "ok", middlish wage.

Obsidian77 · 03/04/2017 21:44

I'm with you op, I don't care what parents get their kids, the boasting winds me up.
Your DD sounds like a lovely, level-headed kid and you're doing right to teach her the value of money.
You can't buy happiness.

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2017 21:46

For DDs 17th we have got her 10 hours of driving lessons (at 250) and a new laptop which she requested.

Which would be massively OTT in some parent's (and teenager's) eyes.

Different strokes.

MarilynWhirlwindRocks · 03/04/2017 22:24

Wow Shock
That's some haul, there...

As PPs have said, it so depends on what's regarded as "the norm" to them. And maybe 4 DGParents etc. have chipped in to that little stash, on the quiet?

Personally, I'm saddened by how much social media makes our teens overshare, but it has become second nature for a lot.
In this girl's case, it depends majorly, too, as to tone of Insta post:

if birthday girl is generally a kind, supportive, non-judgemental etc. friend to your DD and peers, and just happens to come from a wealthy background, might the photo be in a "Bloody Hell! Look what my crazy parents got me! Am in total shock: never expected that! Can't wait to enjoy it with you all, though, eh?!", appreciative type of manner?

But, yes, if meant with sneering, "you lot are never going to come close to this on your 18th, let alone 17th birthday, you losers" attitude, then I imagine your DD wouldn't be that close a friend anyway?

Comes down to parental attitude and a varied mix of friends from all backgrounds, I guess...but hope her Mum's not a MNer, for your sake!

Slightly off at a tangent, but relevant:
One particular family local to us is in the old money, titled, mega-wealthy 10%, and yet their 4 kids couldn't be more down-to-earth and made aware of what a privileged life they lead.
Genuinely lovely boys, who automatically share, muck in with everyone, the eldest have p-t jobs, the littlest one always popular down at our local playground for his nice nature, not the toys etc.
Their parents do a bloody good job at ensuring they don't live in a bubble, and end up clueless about what real life's like for most.

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