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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fed up and probably making a mountain out of a molehill

62 replies

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 11:08

I've had a really crap few years. It seems like everything that we have planned for, worked towards or looked forward too has fallen though. I'm at the end of my tether with it.

So my (our) lastest row is about getting a new car. I've just had some bad news about one of dogs so a little sensitive- daft I know but she's my baby. I've wanted a new car for the past year. Me and DH take it in turns getting a new car, it's been my turn for past year. I brought it up again at the weekend asking when are we going to get a new one. He said he doesn't want to get rid of mine- yes well I do, it's not big enough for my needs.

A little info for you, my current car is a small 4x4, but we have 3 dogs and I can't take them all for a walk at once as I can't them in the boot. When we got our last dog DH said we will upgrade car soon. So I have too either walk the same walk all the time or do multiple trips. Having enough money isn't an issue. The problem is DH really likes my car- it's lovely and rare version of a common one, still not big enough though. He can't have my car as he does 1000+ miles for work each week so would cost a boom.

I've been looking forward to getting a upgrade, and feel just so disappointed that it hasn't yet nor will it as DH loves my current one.

Sorry just one more disappointment and fed up.

OP posts:

ExConstance · 03/04/2017 12:08

Might one of your dogs enjoy travelling in the front passenger footwell? it is the only place my old Staffie is happy.

BlueFolly · 03/04/2017 12:10

Are you allowed to say 'no' to his car upgrades? Would you saying no seem ridiculous?

araiwa · 03/04/2017 12:10

go and get a shitter for £1000 to move dogs about

or go get the new car that you want/ need and get to dh to pay for it

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/04/2017 12:15

You say he earns the money but does he see it as his money or is it all joint finances?

SlothMama · 03/04/2017 12:17

Your DH is being very unfair, it's impractical to have a car which all 3 dogs cannot go in!
Have a look on autotrader and be really firm with him, he may love the car but it isn't suitable for you!

I can understand the upset about the dog, we used to show our dog but he was attacked and hurt very badly. This led to aggression and we had to stop showing him, I missed it a lot. Also an dog is like another child so don't feel silly about being upset that they are unwell!

RJnomore1 · 03/04/2017 12:17

Everything is meant to be a joint decision?

I'd no more let dh pick the car I drive than the shoes I wear. If it's a shared car it's a shared decision if it's an item for me it's my decision as to what works best for ME within the boundaries of affordability.

Renaissance2017 · 03/04/2017 12:19

If you can afford it, get a small second hand van. There is something quite liberating about using a broom to just sweep the back out.

A grill separating the driver from the back is ideal for clipping leads to and keeping a towel on.

Original poster

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 12:23

I don't want to get an older car, as why should I?- I think it's come down to the principle of it all now.

Yes we share finances. We have always talked though the decisions together. I have always supported him in each decision/car he has had. Even ones brought as a mistake (the defender) but he wanted one so badly as they were stopping making them.

It just seems now the shoe is on the other foot it's not being received back. It's the first time this has happened and it's making me so angry, especially with everything that's gone on over the years, I feel I can't forward to anything and that's really starting to effect me

OP posts:

Original poster

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 12:25

*look forward

OP posts:

Zaphodsotherhead · 03/04/2017 12:27

Put the back seats down and a cover over the whole of the area!

I'm baffled by your 'multiple trips' comment - do you mean you leave one dog at the destination and go back for the others? How?

araiwa · 03/04/2017 12:28

why are you telling this to us and not dh?

Renaissance2017 · 03/04/2017 12:30

Fair enough OP, we were only making suggestions. If you feel it's a point of principle fill your boots.

Original poster

TweedAddict · 03/04/2017 12:33

Zap, as I said upthread it's an hassle doing things like that, especially when they need walking twice a day and picking kids up, doing shopping etc. If we couldn't afford it then fine I would have too. But we can afford a new car, so why not. It's about being blocked from making a decision on something that effects me.

I mean I take 2 dogs for a walk then go home and take the third, this means it takes twice as long to walk them and they all don't time to play together. Plus I can't do really long hiking walks as need to get back home to sort out the dog that's left on its own.

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 03/04/2017 12:38

I don't think getting a third, older car is the solution either, OP. One more to insure, tax, etc. And it is the principal - he effectively gets 2 cars he likes/chose and you get none.

Either tell him he needs to buy your car off you or you will sell it. He chose his defender by himself so you choose next your car.

Put your foot down now before he starts taking your compliance as a given.

araiwa · 03/04/2017 12:42

go the dealer yourself and buy a new one then

AlessandroVasectomi · 03/04/2017 12:42

Just interested to know what can be so special about your current car. I understand about rarity, but what make/ model is it?

TotalPineapple · 03/04/2017 12:51

Doing two separate dog walks twice a day so you don't mess up your car is something I would never consider (but then the dog rides in my passenger footwell and quite often gets mud on the seat). Could you not get a third 'dog car' that can get dirty, etc? That way the super special car will have even less miles and stay even more super special.

When we have two dogs (soon) I'm getting one of those dog hammocks so they can both go on the backseat (boot is not dog friendly and the pushchair is in there anyway), would that not work for you? You could lift the third dog in and out to save scratches if its small enough?

Although when this actual conversation cropped up in my marriage my answer was 'my car, my turn, not up for negotiation'. But that was because he wanted to queue jump my turn rather than keep my car forever.

diddl · 03/04/2017 12:52

So he has the car that he has chosen-& he wants yours as well??

Just get rid & get the car you want-why do you need his input?

How much say did ypu have on his current car?

I agree that money should be decided on, but other than that...

Idefix · 03/04/2017 12:53

Op you really don't sound like you make joint decisions it sounds very much like dh says I want to this/I want that etc and you go along with it.

I really would look at a collapsible mesh crate that can be stored flat in the boot when not needed. I can't imagine having to do 4 lots of dog walking, really too much.

contractor6 · 03/04/2017 12:56

Move house to an area with more walks, and closer to DHs work?

ApplePaltrow21 · 03/04/2017 12:57

So my first thought was that you sound a bit spoiled. You trade in cars every year yet you keep saying that "everything you've worked for has fallen through". Those can't be financial because you obviously have plenty of money.

BUT then I wondered if this is about something bigger and you are just seizing on the car as the one issue. He makes all the money, right? Are they your kids or step kids? What is the dynamic of your relationship? Are you generally happy?

SlothMama · 03/04/2017 12:58

Go to a dealship and part ex yours then, what can your DH honestly do? If he's unmoving on this decision then it's his problem not yours imo

Stormtreader · 03/04/2017 13:01

He sounds like hes started to think of cars as "one of his hobbies", he wanted his because they were stopping making them, now he wants to keep yours as well because its "rare".

If he really wants a car collection and can afford it then fine, but you need a car that works for your life as well, dont get stuck struggling around a car that doesnt work for you just because he wants to keep every unusual car he comes across.

cherryblossomcarpet · 03/04/2017 13:17

If a man came on here with the same complaint I suspect he would be told that if he wanted a new car he should earn the money to pay for it himself the word cocklodger might also be mentioned

I get where your husband is coming from. Your current car has rarity value so is not the typically depreciating asset a new one would be. It is a 4x4 so is hardly tiny. There are plenty of work around solutions. You did buy a 3rd dog knowing the car boot was too small....

TheMaddHugger · 03/04/2017 13:20

Make your Husband walk the 3 dogs

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