Re friend and my baby

[nannyplum22]

I'm not sure if I'm being overly precious about this but I'm finding it really hurtful and unkind.

My long-standing friend and godmother to DS1 basically goes out of her way not to say a single nice thing about my DS2, even when it's actually quite difficult/socially odd not to.

She has a DD of a similar age and we have a whats app group of friends with babies. She gushes over the others when they say anything about their little ones/send pics but will either not comment or make some sarcy remark when I send a pic (which I hardly ever do) She is the same in person.

I just find it quite hurtful that even if she doesn't find my DS cute or whatever, can't she just be polite?! I am actually dreading our next meet up as am already anticipating her reaction.

AIBU to find this upsetting?

I have in the past few months ditched a friend who was always full of gushing compliments to/about others but always brutally 'honest' with me and never had a nice thing to say about me.

Whoops I pressed post too soon!!

Basically she always said that she didn't think I was pretty, that I didn't suit my clothes, that my hair looked 'interesting' but would always say gushing things about others.

I ditched her as I think she was jealous and determined to bring me down. I'm glad to be rid of her!

If there is one thing that I have learned from MN AIBU board it's that there are still actually grown adults out there who behave like school kids!!! Sound like a vile bunch of women!

So I saw the girl in question today, all she had to say was 'oh, when's his hair going to grow?!' I didn't say anything, but wondering if I should send a text this afternoon to ask what's going on?! It would prob be easy for her to deny all knowledge/make out like I'm being a bit nuts though...

Could it be a case of too many pics? There is only so many times someone can comment "handsome", "lovely" "cute" etc about the same child.

She could of course comment something like "Love his outfit". But there's only so many times you can say that. I'm guessing your baby is very young so not doing anything "interesting" yet?

The pics will get more interesting as he gets older and you post him doing 'naughty but cute' things - like pinching the eggs from the fridge and running off with them.

It is strange if the babies are all about the same age and she gushes over their pics and totally ignores yours. You love him and think he's gorgeous. That's what matters most.

Some people are just weird. You'll either have to put up with her weirdness or dump her if she is causing you unnecessary upset x

Penny, no I hardly ever send pics as I'm not that way inclined...it's just a WhatsApp group, not on fb etc. I have prob sent 5 pics max and her behaviour is the same in person. She has never once said he is cute/gorgeous so not running out of things to say! I just don't know what to make if it, it seems so pointed.

don't send her a text. You should have said something at the time and caught her off guard. 'I can't help but notice you never have anything nice to say about him. Is there something wrong?'

Even if she denies it at that point at least you've called her out on it and she will have to be more careful in future but GAH is a relationship like this worth it in the first place? She's not happy for you.

No I don't think it is worth it to be honest. I'd really rather not see her but it's kind of hard to get out of it when meet ups are constantly being suggested...there's only so many times I can say I'm busy, and even then they ask when I can do so to work around my plans. I think I probably need to give some kind of explanation for slipping away from the group otherwise it's going to be impossible

It's probably something simple like she's jealous for some silly reason. I'm not sure I'd bother asking why. She doesn't sound especially nice.

Does she put you down too? She sounds like a 'frenemy', pretends to be friendly but is actually only meeting with you to put your DS down and prove how great her DD is! I'd stop making excuses and next time she suggests meeting up just say you'd rather not.

No faith she doesn't put me down at all! That's the weird thing, it just seems so directed at my poor DS

Even if a baby is ugly people can can say something nice like 'He babbles so nicely, like he's already trying to talk', 'he's a strong little thing isn't he?'. Making sarky comments about a baby is what a not very nice person does.

It is a dilemma. I wouldn't tell her that you've noticed the lack of compliments, you can definitely pull her up on the sarcastic comments though. Your baby will soon be a toddler learning to talk and he'll probably understand more of her sarky comments than either of you realize.

YANBU.

Put it this way. I'm a dog trainer. I love dogs. All dogs. But naturally I have preferences and there are some breeds I find more aesthetically pleasing than others.

In any class situation there's often one or two dogs I think are more appealing, whether it's the way they look or the way they behave.

Example: in one class there's the most gorgeous Yorkie. He's the happiest dog in the world, he's very quick to learn and he's THRILLED with himself when he gets something right. He's well aware when we the instructors are watching and will look over and BEAM at us when his owner rewards him because he knows we'll tell him he's clever too!

He's impossible to resist and yes he is a favourite but the point is we make damn sure to praise and say nice things about EVERY dog because to pick and choose would be just unkind!

What your "friend" is doing is the equivalent of me making a fuss of every dog in class except one and I can tell you for sure that the owner would soon notice and be upset. And that's just DOGS!!

Doing it to a baby is even worse!!