To stay with him for money?

[Za1ny]

I have two kids with my partner aged 3 and 10 months. I am hating life at the minute - constantly indoors with the baby who is quite difficult and he doesn't help at all.

We had a wedding to attend today and he told me to stay home after having a massive argument with me because he managed to break the zip off my daughters dress. Yes that's how useless he is, he doesn't know how to put a dress on a child.

He fucks off every weekend leaving me alone with the baby, he takes my 3 year old with him but doesn't look after her himself he will drop him off to his mother

There is no love in the relationship

I hate him, he hates me. It's as simple as that

He won't leave

I would love to leave him but here's the issue - my parents purchased a house in my name a few years ago when I was in a well paid job. I also gave them money towards the deposit. If I leave him I will be broke as I am not working and I am finding it extremely hard to get another job.

I won't be able to apply for income support / housing benefit etc because of the house in my name

The only thing I'll be entitled to is ctc and CB but how will I survive on that?

I can't go back to my parents there's just no space. And I don't think they want me back either. They don't have much to do with (despite me always helping them financially in the past)

I really hate life at the moment honestly living with him has become a nightmare. I told myself before in 30 I will leave him but by doing so I'll be completely broke

I am looking for a job

Aibu to stay with him just for security (roof Over my head, bills paid for etc) even though I HATE HIM and wish I could just leave and not worry about money ?

I'm obviously not saying that I wish I was on benefits but I have not been successful in any of the jobs I have applied for

Thanks superfly.

It wasn't a good idea to agree to the house thing: your parents should now share the consequences of that joint decision IMO.

Bloody Hell, does that mean that your partner could have a claim on the house you own? (hopefully not!)

Try not to sell the house if that means you will get a lump sum from the equity - you won't get housing benefit or income support ifyou have over £16k. Does the house have much equity in it?

Sorry - ignore my advice , I had assumed you lived in the house in your name. It still stands that you need to avoid having any kind of large sum of money in your bank account form a house sale if you want to claim benefits. It won't affect tax credits too much but you wouldn't be eligible for HB and IS.

I agree you need some financial advice as to what are your best options. Why don't you move back into the house that you own and it will be up to your parents to find alternative accommodation. It was thier wheeling and dealing that got you into this mess. But on the other hand you won't afford the mortgage. It's a really tricky situation financially. Who owns the house you're living in at the moment or is it rented?

The house I am living in currently is rented.

Babyroobs - if my parents manage to get the house off my name, they will give me back the money that I initially gave to them. I won't be able to claim any benefits but I guess I'll just have to live off this

That's IF it all goes ahead with the house sale.

And can anybody advise me about child maintenance. I know my partner will try to dodge this. Can he do that

You will still get child tax credits as long as you declare any interest over £300 from the sum of money.
How much lump sum are you likely to get?
Your dh must pay maintainence for your children - 20% I think for 2 children. You can go through CM service to get this if he causes problems.

I will get back £20,000

I think problems often occer with child maintainence if your ex is self employed , otherwise it should be possible to set up payments.

From what little I know, the CSA is getting tougher with those that attempt to dodge payment. If he's PAYE, fine. If he's self-employed he will try and minimise his declared income so that could be a problem.

Before the dye is cast, be 100% sure that you will live a happy life if he leaves.

How old are your parents OP?
Because the value of a property you own can be disregarded for Housing Benefit purposes if a relative aged over 60 lives there.www.manchester.gov.uk/info/500180/housing_benefit/4265/how_savings_investments_and_property_affect_your_housing_benefit_and_council_tax_support/3

So on £20k you wouldn't get much interest ( given low interest rates)so you should still be entitled to a good amount child tax credits each week and once your savings fall below £16k you should get some housing benefit which should increase as the savings deplete.

From an outsiders perspective, it makes no difference which house your parents buy in terms of mortgage payments. I would get your parents to buy a house of equal value if they manage to do that. Then move into your house. Get a lodger to pay the rent to help you be able to live there. Personally I wouldn't sell it. This is your nest egg for your child. And their safe place. And if you do end up selling it, won't they expect "mates rates"

If you sell, you're opening a can of worms and may be liable to pay capital gains tax. Even though your parents just pay the mortgage, you own a house and are receiving income in terms of those mortgage payments. You will potentially be liable to pay tax on this income as the rules have just changed on rental properties. I know none of this is declared at the moment, I'm just telling you this from a legal perspective.

It would also be reasonable that some of that £20k could be spent setting up a new home/ moving costs/ deposit on rental etc, so that may take you below £16k. As long as it is spent reasonably and you don't splash out on a new car or expensive holiday to deliberately reduce your savings you should be ok although it would be best to seek advice on this.
CAB can give good advice on all the issues you are facing.

Don't rely on getting child support as they frequently find ways of dodging it

CMS are more efficient at arranging it than the CSA were, but still can't do much if these blokes go self employed.

How much is the mortgage payment each month on the house, would it be do-able with tax credits and child maintainence ?

I think if life is so unhappy for you, then you owe it to yourself to see how feasible it is for you to go it alone. I get how you feel - I was in your shoes once with 3 kids and literally no money. It wasn't easy at first, but we have survived.

Initially I relied heavily on state help but it allowed me to become independen, find work, forge a life for us and I have never looked back.
I don't own property, have savings or family but it is doable, albeit difficult at times. Most of my income went on childcare especially during school holidays,I became a master of juggling everything and there were never enough hours in the day, money was forever tight and I can't deny there were times when it was desperately lonely.

I also learnt along the way, I could deal with anything and nothing fazes me anymore - my kids also see me as a strong capable role model . We have survived, as many do. The pluses far outweigh the minuses.

It's not the easiest decision to make but,that said, I would choose all the challenges it has chucked at me over a bad relationship every time.
Best wishes x

When he leaves at the weekend, is he with someone else?

You're entitled to continue to live in the house until your children reach 18. Not sure how you make him move out though.
Surely if the house is only in your name, it's easier?

No he goes wherever he can - his mothers house, grandmothers house, goes to see friends, gym etc he just doesn't like to stay inside

I've done some calculations. Living in the rented house would be doable. Extremely tight but doable.

I will have to hope that my parents manage to get a mortgage so I can sell the house to them and take some of my money back

also, does anyone know if I can be separate but living in the same house for a short period of time? (Till he finds a place) would this affect ctc? I'm hoping I get to keep the rented house and he pissess off. He probably will

You really need to start a single tax credit claim from the day he moves out unless you can are you are separated beforehand but it might be hard to prove. make sure you get his name taken off any tenancy agreements/ utility bills etc and make sure he gets his mail re-directed to his new address. You need to avoid him having any links to your address or to you financially. make sure maintainance payments are not paid in cash but through your bank account.

Do you already claim tax credits at the moment? If not then it will take a few weeks for them to process the claim.

Thank you babyroobs for all the info extremely helpful