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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I should have said something to this man in the street?

49 replies

ohdoadoodoo · 02/04/2017 13:25

Walking home on lunch. Man and his partner ahead of me with their two DC, both looked around 7 or 8.

As I approach I hear the man saying in a raised voice 'For fuck sake. Worked all week and this is how you repay me. You're fucking unbelievable - you're making a fool of yourselves in the street and I'm making a fucking fool of myself in the street because of you'. That's the entire extent of what I heard.

I had about two seconds to decide whether to say something to him - usually I feel the rage in situations like this and will say something, but I just couldn't be arsed to get into an argument in the street with an aggressive man today when I didn't know what his reaction to me would be.

But as I was walking away I started to kick myself and wonder if I should have? On one hand I think that it's not my place to tell people how to parent, I can't police the world, I didn't want to upset the DC etc. etc. and on the other I think those poor kids being spoken to like that.

OP posts:
isadoradancing123 · 02/04/2017 14:40

Mind your own bloody business

Itaintme · 02/04/2017 14:42

Why would you say anything?

VladmirsPoutine · 02/04/2017 14:43

I really dislike vigilantes who see one moment of someone's life and decide to wade in as some sort of saving grace. You did well to keep out of it. Next time repeat the same: Keep out of it!

PizzaPower · 02/04/2017 14:43

Do you usually go around poking your nose into other people's business?

TheImprobableGirl · 02/04/2017 14:43

Yep not your business!
Who knows she might have just revealed she was sleeping with his brother or something... a snapshot of somebody verbally attaching a spouse is only that- a snapshot. very different if he was physically hurting her/ the children imo- or if it is a close friend that you know is vulnerable

Itaintme · 02/04/2017 14:44

He would have probably told you to fuck off.

Cocklodger · 02/04/2017 14:44

I can't think of a single acceptable reason for him to be talking to his family like this especially if he was doing so loud enough for you to hear with his relatively young DC's nearby. Awful. I'd have been very tempted to say something but I'm crap at confrontation so don't know if i would've

NoCapes · 02/04/2017 14:44

Confused what would you have said??

RockyBird · 02/04/2017 14:45

...I guess she would have told you to fuck off too.

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/04/2017 14:47

Too many people walk past abuse in the street. "None of your business" etc. Your instinct to say something was understandable - after all if he's talking to his little kids like that in public what does he say and do in private?

Don't beat yourself up for not saying anything but I understand your desire to speak out.

Original poster
ohdoadoodoo · 02/04/2017 14:52

To clarify, he was talking to his DC not his wife.

OP posts:
Bourdic · 02/04/2017 14:53

It's just horrible when you get a snapshot like that of someone else's life isn't it? My judgey reaction would have been that if he'll shout and swear in the street like that with his little children present then god knows what he does behind closed doors. However, I don't think saying anything would have been sensible but I can quite understand why you wanted to. As a general rule I think it's far to easy to say none of your business. There must be a line somewhere where it is our business - where would it be drawn? A child being slapped hard? Being pushed into a car? Directly threatened?

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2017 14:54

Is this the first time you've ever heard a dad or a mum swear at their child? Confused

JonSnowsWhore · 02/04/2017 14:54

Replace the word 'fuck' with 'fluff'

Does that sound like abuse now?

Swearing at/infront of kids isn't ideal & most people won't agree with it but I don't think swear words alone are classed as abuse...

Bourdic · 02/04/2017 14:54

That clarification makes it worse

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 02/04/2017 14:55

You saying something would probably have made the situation worse.

See, now look what you've done? Are you fucking proud of yourselves? Strangers are commenting on your stupid fucking behaviour

When someone is in that frame of mind then they are unlikely to respond well to confrontation from a stranger. And he might even have become violent. He probably would have punished them for embarrassing him when they got home.

It's an awful situation. But I don't know what you could do that wouldn't make it worse. Obviously if he was being violent or extremely abusive then you should call the police.

Bourdic · 02/04/2017 14:57

www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q675.htm

Branleuse · 02/04/2017 14:58

youve got no idea of the situation except one snapshot. Stay out of it. What could you possibly hope to acheive?

Bourdic · 02/04/2017 14:59

Click cancel when the link goes through. The answer seems to that if a police officer had heard, the man would have been in trouble

JonSnowsWhore · 02/04/2017 15:01

I really don't think it's fair to assume that just because someone has sworn, that they're likely to go home & abuse/hurt their children!

Original poster
ohdoadoodoo · 02/04/2017 15:02

Thanks Bourdic Smile Shame there wasn't one around at the time!

I guess I just find it really unacceptable to talk like that to two little children. I wouldn't talk to another adult like that, let alone children.

OP posts:
Bourdic · 02/04/2017 15:09

I would think it's perfectly reasonable to assume that behaviour like that in the street towards two little children is probably a pointer to similar or even worse behaviour at home.My guess would be that people behave better in public than they do at home so if those normal inhibitions aren't operating in public, I'd see it as bit of a red flag.

Bourdic · 02/04/2017 15:12

Aagghh - just reread my first post - I meant to type 'it's not fair to say none of your business' but I think my meaning was clear

BarbarianMum · 02/04/2017 15:14

Not everyone is two faced though. I treat my children exactly the same in public (including shouting, very rarely swearing and on one occasion smacking) as I do in private.

Olympiathequeen · 02/04/2017 15:15

It is totally unacceptable and I think it's their mothers place to challenge her partner, not a strangers. I find things like that really upsetting though so understand how you feel.