To ask if you liked children before you had your own?

[Sweetpea302]

My OH and I are in the midst of lots of conversations about when / if to start trying for a baby. We have a few topics that we always end up coming back to, namely money (we've just taken on a mortgage which is really stretching our finances) and my health (I have CFS and am permanently exhausted and had to give up my job about a year ago), which are big issues on their own. The other thing which I keep coming back to, but don't really know how to work around, is that I'm not all that sure that I like children! I really do think that I'd like our child (typical narcissist eh?) and love the thought of building a family with my lovely OH, but then I'll spend time with friends children and I find them exhausting and not easy to connect with. I certainly don't get broody whenever I see a baby! I'm approaching mid 30s though, so do feel like I need to make a decision soon, before it's made for me by my body.

I'm naturally an over thinker and hugely cautious, so I think I need a bit of outside advice to help get me out of my own cycles of thinking on this and actually make a decision!

So, AIBU to ask if you actually all liked children before you had your own? Or did you have faith that you would like your own, even if you weren't enamoured with children generally? If you didn't like other people's, did you then go on to like your own?

Love my kids others- not so much. However I now have fibro and no way could j cope with a baby. When I need to sleep I need to sleep.
But only you can make the decision to have one as only you know how exhausted you become.

"Hell is other people" nope, "hell is other people's children"!!

Simply couldnt bear children, didn't see the point of babies, toddlers were even worse. My own was practically the first baby I ever held! Now I have two and they are the most marvellous people! I would die for them in a heartbeat and cannot imagine how awful life would be without them. Now they are growing up and they and their friends are wonderful company.

Didn't dislike children but never had nieces or nephews so wasn't really used to them. When friends started having them, I would turn up with champagne and something cute from baby Gap but was a little scared of babies and refused to hold them. The wobbly neck thing was freaky. As the children got older, I would turn up with comics, toys, cute t.shirts etc but never really considered myself good with children. Good at buying for children but not interactingvwuth them. It wasn't until I met DH 8 months before my 40th birthday that I ever considered having a child.

I was about 5 months pregnant with twins and a close friend had just given birth. I was still too scared to hold the baby. DH said you'd better get some practice in you're going to have two soon'. Held my first baby at 42 after a slow handclap from the room.

Now I love babies. Parenthood is challenging but wonderful. Wished I had mine earlier so I could have squeezed in another one. I don't think there is ever a right time to have a baby, you have to make a decision, close your eyes, hold your nose and jump off the cliff. From your post the only thing for concern is your health. Do you have lots of support around you? Would your health improve or stabilise?

Good luck with your decision OP. There is no right or wrong way. My brother and two cousins remain childless through choice. I would consider them all good with my children they just never wanted to have children but the all have fulfilling lives.

No. I still don't. I love my own and DC's cousins but in general I'm not keen on children. Give me a puppy or a kitten anyday.

Wow - thank you for all of your answers. So reassuring!!! I sometimes (often!) feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't do gooey at the sight of babies, so it's good to hear that there's not!

To the people who mentioned my CFS - yes, that probably is and should be my biggest concern. We don't have family near by, nor a particularly large support network. My OH is phenomenally supportive though and I'm hoping that would go a long way. I feel so sad to think that my health, which has already taken quite a bit from me, might stop us having a child, so I'm inclined to try and have faith and believe that we could make it work.

I am a big fan of my own of course and quite fond of a couple of my friends' kids. But in general I have limited patience with most other people's!

I don't get the "not keen on other peoples kids" thing. Obviously many are annoying but some of my DDs friends are great. Seems a shame to adopt a blanket dont like them stance.

I was never a particularly mumsy baby adoring type though obv loved my own. Other peoples babies leave me cold though I feign interest but some other peoples kids are fab.

Not at all. I still don't particularly like older children. Babies and toddlers I love but when they get to about 8/9 and often become cheeky and hard work....nah.

I'm hoping I'll like my own at that age though.

Nope. Don't like children as a rule. Have to fake liking all my friends kids and even my nieces and nephews (a bit). Adore, love and worship my lo. He is the exception, I didn't know for sure I'd feel this way before I had him but I was pretty sure I'd at least like him lol!

I don't like children & i have 3

I've always loved babies/little ones & everyone always said how good I was with kids etc & always wanted my own. Now I have my own other people kids get on my nerves 😆 Maybe it's my lack of energy nowadays though.