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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my mum to shut up?

45 replies

MotherCrazyCat · 01/04/2017 19:16

I love my mum, but I do parent my DD differently to the way she parented me and DB. I know she wishes she'd been more like I am.

DD is 21 months I've posted before about her problems; hips, chest, eyes and ears. Unexpectedly in the last week she got up and walk, there's been no stopping her since, she's had her first pair of shoes today and I'm proud as anything. She was so happy with her shoes.

My mum knows I've been anxious about her not walking, we were told if she got to 2 and wasn't walking she'd have to be investigated for other causes (was born with Hip Dysplasia in both hips) so it was a huge relief when she started walking. She's a good child generally, but has loved wearing her backpack reins today so has stayed close by.

So why does my mum keep saying "that's it now, you'll be telling her to sit down and shut up all the time" or "you've got your hands full now, you'll never have a quiet moment again". The worst was when she said that i'd need to do more with her than i already to get her to use up all the extra energy she has "the park everyday it'll be" I'm actually hurt - DDs in Nursery 3 days a week who do dancing and "active play" (aka outdoors in the garden area playing football or catch or on the slides) for an hour a day, they've also recently been going to the park before lunch for 30 mins or so. On the days she's not in Nursery we do a stay and play session or babygym followed by swimming or a playdate or soft play we're constantly on the move. Even at the weekend we don't stay inside much and are either shopping or at the park or visiting family who have gardens and toys and pets for her to play with.

She says it to passersby as well "this is my granddaughter, her mums got her hands full now, just walking she'll be constantly on the go now".

I just want to tell her to shut up. She's usually lovely, and reserved but since DD started being mobile she just seems to want to talk about it in this way. I've told her it's not a nice way to speak and she's upset me but she says she can't see the harm and it's not like DD knows anyway apparently.

So can I tell her to shut up?

OP posts:

DedicationToSparkleMotion · 01/04/2017 19:19

I'm sorry I don't understand what your problem is? What about her comments is offensive?

Iloveanimals · 01/04/2017 19:20

I don't think she means it harmfully and saying shut up to your mother is a tad rude just get some clever replies up your sleeves. For instance when she says that to passers, smile sweetly and say, "thank God she is walking, what a blessing when some people can't etc' she'll soon tire and look stupid. :)

Bumply · 01/04/2017 19:22

I read it that your mum has been dying to come out with all these common statements and is now delighted that she can do so.

MapMyMum · 01/04/2017 19:22

I think its her way of showing shes excited. I can see it's annoying but Id say it'll calm down the next while after the novelty wears off. Try and bite your tongue for thr next while, or just say nicely 'ok mum, we dont need to tell all and sundry about it'. Try not to hurt her feelings though

Kalitall · 01/04/2017 19:24

Unless your mum is a nasty person I think it's just one of those things that people say.

Whenever someone tells me their baby started walking I always joke that the trouble starts now. Toddlers are a handful.

Is there a backstory? How did you mum parent you that you feel yours is better?

Original poster

MotherCrazyCat · 01/04/2017 19:26

Kalitall She feels my parenting is better not me, I've never commented on the way DB and I were parented it. Mum feels she was too overprotective and didn't give us enough freedom, she was very much a helicopter parent, where I mostly just let DD get on with it.

OP posts:

Mumsymum21 · 01/04/2017 19:27

You are being precious. She is just telling you the truth. Lighten up.

Lulu1083 · 01/04/2017 19:28

I get it OP. If my mum was implying I didn't do enough with my dd when I had that schedule going on I'd be pretty pissed off. I'd also be pissed off if she said I'd be telling my dd to shut up all the time! I'm guessing she doesn't realise how it sounds though and is just clumsily expressing her relief at her walking.

MrsTwix · 01/04/2017 19:48

I think perhaps she is relived that DD is now walking and that's why she is being a bit ott with her comments, she was probably very worried and didn't want to bother you before.

gammaraystar · 01/04/2017 20:03

This is just the usual crap grandparents and old people say. Nothing to cry about ffs.

Pallisers · 01/04/2017 21:00

She says it to passersby as well "this is my granddaughter, her mums got her hands full now, just walking she'll be constantly on the go now".

You are not being unreasonable to be irritated but to me it sounds like she is incredibly proud that her granddaughter is walking and wants to tell everyone - including you. That "ah you'll have your hands full" thing is something my own mother would have said - and yes it might have irritated me too but I think she might mean well.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 01/04/2017 21:04

I think you're massively overthinking this. Nothing about those statements sounds like anything other than the smalltalk type things most people come out with.

I've got twins, both of whom were speech delayed and spent three years in a SALT school. I can guarantee you I heard 'bet you've got your hands full!' and 'once they start talking they'll never shut up!' more times than you've had hot dinners - just let it go.

Stickerrocks · 01/04/2017 21:32

YABVU. It sounds as though she is as pleased as punch that she's walking. I wouldn't interpret the comments she's making as a criticism of you - your mum is being a naturally proud grandma. Just enjoy your DD'S achievement and stop over-analysing things.

RandomMess · 01/04/2017 21:39

I think your Mum was utterly over anxious about your DD and is now sort of boasting that she can walk and is "normal". So it's unkind in one sense but it's not about you it's about her anxieties.

highinthesky · 01/04/2017 21:48

YAB very oversensitive. Ours was a late walker (19 months) and we all said similarl things about her. And guess what, we were right. There is no stopping her now, she runs us all ragged.

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 01/04/2017 21:52

I think it probably comes from a good place, take her comments with a pinch of salt. She just sounds really relieved and excited xx

upperlimit · 01/04/2017 21:58

I might be wrong but, from what you said, I she was really worried about your dc. She sounds relieved and excited for the next stage of her development.

Pippa12 · 01/04/2017 21:59

My dd didnt walk till approx 2 and a half due to long standing joint issues. I felt like any comment anybody made was a personal attack towards me. Deep down i felt dreadfully anxious and guilty about the whole situation. On reflection, the flippant remarks which had me heartbroken into my pillow were actually harmless passing comments, curiousity or conversation starters. Perhaps this is a similar situation

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/04/2017 22:07

YABV PFB.

None of the examples you gave were comments on your parenting style. Not even a bit.

They were comments about how tiring it can be when you have a toddler on the go every hour of the day.

You've had only one week of it, so a toddler's constant movement and chat is not wearing for you yet.

She is probably remembering how knackered she was by the time you were, say, three. That's how those comments read to me.

pensillll · 01/04/2017 22:12

It sounds affectionate! It's pride! My DS has been very very slow to speak (not a single word until 2.10, not even mama) and suddenly he's started talking (still a bit unpolished, but 19 to the dozen!) and my mum is always saying 'goodness! He doesn't shut up!' Etcetc. But it's like a reverse pride if you know what I mean! Like she's so pleased at last, worry relieved, to have something to affectionally grumble about.

angelikacpickles · 01/04/2017 22:16

I don't see how any of those is critical of your parenting? She's just saying what people always say when a baby starts walking/crawling/climbing! Irritating maybe but I don't see how you are interpreting as critical.

Tohaveandtohold · 01/04/2017 22:27

You are been totally unreasonable. I just can't see anything spiteful in all she's said, I won't even bat an eyelid. You'll hear lots of comments like this by the way so toughen your self up

Marmalade85 · 01/04/2017 22:33

YABU

Pigface1 · 01/04/2017 22:39

Sorry - I don't get what she's really done wrong. My guess is that she's thrilled your DD is finally walking and so is being a bit OTT with the walking-related remarks.

user1483387154 · 01/04/2017 22:42

YABU You honestly sound like you are completely over reacting to your Mum being proud of her achievements. Her comments are not rude or disrespectful but the same as most people would come out with.

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