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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its unacceptable to tell an upset little girl to "grow a pair"

58 replies

MyBeautifulSquid · 01/04/2017 18:34

Especially if you are a teacher / TA.

My seven year old DD suddenly burst into tears over dinner last night. She had been quiet since she had come out of school. Turns out that her "friend" wouldn't play with her yesterday lunchtime so she went and sat on her own then was crying in her first lesson after lunch. Her TA asked her what was wrong and when she told her she rolled her eye, huffed and said "oh grow a pair!"

It is actually hard to believe but I know that she would not make this up....she just wouldn't have heard this horrible phrase anywhere else. She doesn't even know what it means.

AIBU to be furious? I also have to add that last year DD had a series of bullying incidents so serious that she ended up quite ill with anxiety she couldn't sleep or eat. The child responsible was dealt with eventually but DD struggled to cope at school for a long time because of it and still sometimes gets very anxious about school and her teachers are all fully aware of this.

I will obviously be going into the school on Monday to discuss it but I just wanted to put it out there and see what people thought x

OP posts:
SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 01/04/2017 18:36

Definitely not acceptable

HopeClearwater · 01/04/2017 18:37

The TA is either a chav or doesn't understand what it means. Or both.

Bantanddec · 01/04/2017 18:40

Yanbu! Teacher sounds like a nasty cow

Original poster
MyBeautifulSquid · 01/04/2017 18:41

It basically means grow a pair of bollocks. I mean how vile

And also stinks of casual sexism

(I am also pissed off as the friend who was leaving her out was at my house Thursday evening playing with DD eating my food and watching my TV as if they were the best of mates. But apparently DD is then not good enough to hang out with the next day and she is happy to let her sit and cry on her own in the playground. KIDS Angry )

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2017 18:41

I'm a TA in a reception class.

'Grow a pair' said to a child within a school by an adult who works there Shockis completely unacceptable.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 01/04/2017 18:41

My first thought is as per PP, the TA doesn't understand the meaning of the phrase and is irredeemably thick.

SummerHouse · 01/04/2017 18:41

Maybe she meant grow a pear?

Curlyshabtree · 01/04/2017 18:43

I would report this. A TA in my DTS Y3 class called him a liar and it triggered a massive problem with my DS which took almost a year to resolve. At the time I urged my DS not to worry ( he hadn't lied) and I had a brief word with a teacher. I wish now I'd made more of any issue, I didn't know how deep her words would cut. The TA must be made aware of the effect of their words on the children. This was inappropriate. Don't be fobbed off, make sure the TA is held to account. Hope your DD is OK.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 01/04/2017 18:44

TA needs removing.

Why on earth is she working with children? She's more suited as a cockfighting coach or something.

Allthewaves · 01/04/2017 18:45

I would calmly go in and have a quiet chat with TA.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/04/2017 18:49

I know this won't help but my Dd (age 8 at the time) overheard me telling Dh to 'grow a pair' when he was moaning about something, and she chipped in 'yeah dad, grow an apple' still makes me smile.
She had no concept of what it ment.
But in Support it is bang out of order for anyone in school to say this to an upset child. If any child got that matter.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/04/2017 18:49

I'm raging on yours and your dds behalf. Very unprofessional and bang out of line.
Is this the schools attitude to bullying
Oh grow a pair. Think she must watch too much JK so She's practicing her daft saying on a child with anxiety. Very brave and assertive. I'd be having a very long conversation on Monday morning, and I wouldn't be getting blinded by science, either, because. They'll try that one. Oh its to toughen her up.

mumofthemonsters808 · 01/04/2017 18:50

I wouldn't be happy with this either, it's not exactly appropriate language for a classroom. I find it strange that any TA would think a 7 year old knew what this even meant and think it was an acceptable way to comfort a young child.When a 7 year old falls out with their friend, for them it's as though the world has ended and they need an adult to put this in perspective, using this odd phase hardly does this.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/04/2017 18:50

Any child for that matter

Original poster
MyBeautifulSquid · 01/04/2017 19:05

I am glad no one yet has said I am being precious

I don't want to speak to the TA directly, I just think I will get angry. I am tempted to just simply go straight to the head teacher as I want it known that I am very fucking unhappy with this

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 01/04/2017 19:07

And also stinks of casual sexism

This. Absolutely disgusting. Angry

Wolfiefan · 01/04/2017 19:11

Completely unacceptable phrase to use to a child in school. I would speak to the head.
But. I have a seven year old. I would expect her to be more robust and able to cope with a single friend not wanting to play with her. I would look at increasing her resilience.

maisyanddaisy · 01/04/2017 19:11

Totally outrageous thing to say to a child. I'd be complaining to the head teacher. Even if it wasn't for the grossly inappropriate language, the sentiment behind it was so horrible. I don't understand why people like this, without a scrap of kindness about them, work with kids.

maisyanddaisy · 01/04/2017 19:13

Wolfiefan, there are few things more upsetting than someone you thought was your friend acting like you don't exist.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/04/2017 19:14

Wofie. Its all very well you going on about resilience, but To a child their friend not wanting to play with them is a major big deal and upset.

ohdoadoodoo · 01/04/2017 19:19

YANBU. I hate this phrase!

Original poster
MyBeautifulSquid · 01/04/2017 19:20

Wolfiefan, there are few things more upsetting than someone you thought was your friend acting like you don't exist

This. She is only human. Why are some kids so cruel?

OP posts:
MyPerfectCousin · 01/04/2017 20:09

I'm a teacher. That's appalling.

That particular friendship issue is common amongst 7 and 8 year old girls. And, I will admit, it can become wearisome if you've heard it several times in a day. But these are small people each managing a developing sense of self and feel these things hard. They do need to learn and develop resiliance, but this is NOT the way to do it!

No excuse for a comment like that.

Whathaveilost · 01/04/2017 20:13

I normally roll my eyes at some of the threads on here and the reasons why parents want to complain about a teacher. Not in this case. I would not find this acceptable at all.

MyPerfectCousin · 01/04/2017 20:17

Same here What.

Please be assured, Squid, that the great majority of us would find this unacceptable.

The only thing I can find to say in any defence of the TA is that maybe she was a bit overloaded mentally in that moment and just came out with something that she'd never normally have said but it just 'slipped out'. Still wouldn't make it acceptable, but maybe slightly more understandable?

We all drop a bollock now and again at work/communicating with others, it's just that when you're a teacher/TA and you do it, it impacts on a child.