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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its unacceptable to tell an upset little girl to "grow a pair"

58 replies

MyBeautifulSquid · 01/04/2017 18:34

Especially if you are a teacher / TA.

My seven year old DD suddenly burst into tears over dinner last night. She had been quiet since she had come out of school. Turns out that her "friend" wouldn't play with her yesterday lunchtime so she went and sat on her own then was crying in her first lesson after lunch. Her TA asked her what was wrong and when she told her she rolled her eye, huffed and said "oh grow a pair!"

It is actually hard to believe but I know that she would not make this up....she just wouldn't have heard this horrible phrase anywhere else. She doesn't even know what it means.

AIBU to be furious? I also have to add that last year DD had a series of bullying incidents so serious that she ended up quite ill with anxiety she couldn't sleep or eat. The child responsible was dealt with eventually but DD struggled to cope at school for a long time because of it and still sometimes gets very anxious about school and her teachers are all fully aware of this.

I will obviously be going into the school on Monday to discuss it but I just wanted to put it out there and see what people thought x

OP posts:
Love51 · 01/04/2017 20:19

Inappropriate language in school.
Mean thing to say to a child.
But the bit that is making my head spin is that in this context, it doesn't actually make sense .
Which is a further reason why it shouldn't he said to a child.
And yes, it is sexist.
I'd be having firm words with a senior staff member. It won't do much, but perhaps the TA will learn that she needs to speak to children with respect.

purplecoathanger · 01/04/2017 20:23

I'm horrified at this. Definitely complain and make them aware how angry you are at this. It's totally unacceptable.

SmokingBugle · 01/04/2017 20:28

I'm a TA
Is be horrified if I heard a colleague saying this and I'd report them. Hideous, insensitive and unacceptable.
Speak to the class teacher ASAP.

Tootsiepops · 01/04/2017 20:30

Unacceptable and so, so sexist. Definitely complain.

Lessthanaballpark · 01/04/2017 20:33

I will never understand why people equate having male genitalia with being tough and strong when it's our equipment that takes much more of a bashing, all the things that go in and out of it, wear and tear and all! Hmm

Original poster
MyBeautifulSquid · 02/04/2017 09:14

Thanks fur the replies everyone Flowers

OP posts:
hellokittymania · 02/04/2017 09:33

That is a horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone a child!

PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 10:03

God, what an awful thing to say. That's the kind of thing that will stick with such a young mind. That person needs removing from that job. Can't imagine that's a one-off. Even if you're in the worst mood, you wouldn't say that!

Flowers for you and Cake for DD.

DonaldStott · 02/04/2017 10:07

I would be absolutely fuming!!! What a horrid thing to say in general, never mind to an upset 7 yo!!!

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2017 10:16

Revolting. Don't approach the TA directly. Go straight to the Head.

Lelloteddy · 02/04/2017 10:17

Yep definitely straight to the Head. Horrible.

MyPerfectCousin · 02/04/2017 11:02

Can't imagine that's a one-off. Even if you're in the worst mood, you wouldn't say that!

Not to excuse what she said in any way, but you might not say that even in your worst mood, but you can't extrapolate from that that nobody would.

Schoolmumbum · 02/04/2017 11:26

Report directly to the head
Your poor little girl

PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 12:15

Not to excuse what she said in any way, but you might not say that even in your worst mood, but you can't extrapolate from that that nobody would.

Of course people do, and worse, i was referring to those that work in that environment.

user1489179512 · 02/04/2017 12:20

Bantanddec

Yanbu! Teacher sounds like a nasty cow

The woman who said this was a TA - not a teacher. There is a difference.

Original poster
MyBeautifulSquid · 02/04/2017 13:16

I wasn't sure whether to speak to DDs class teacher in the first instance....but do you think would be better to just go directly to the head?

OP posts:
SpeedwellBlue · 02/04/2017 13:20

How unpleasant

IloveBanff · 02/04/2017 13:23

Yes, go straight to the head.

Pigface1 · 02/04/2017 13:53

Casually sexist, VERY coarse, and not an appropriate sentiment in the circumstances anyway IMHO.

YANBU.

user1489179512 · 02/04/2017 16:44

Straight to the headteacher.

IloveBanff · 03/04/2017 13:51

Have you spoken to the head teacher yet, OP?

IloveBanff · 05/04/2017 10:55

What did the head teacher say, OP?

Original poster
MyBeautifulSquid · 05/04/2017 16:08

Update. Had a meeting with DD's teacher on monday and the TA who made the comment has been "spoken to" by the head teacher. I've been given lots of platitudes about how it's unacceptable etc. Well yes I already know that. Saying such a horrible, inappropriate thing to an upset child who suffers from anxiety is beyond unacceptable. I've been given a "complaints pack" to make an official complaint if I want to "take it further". To give DD's class teacher her credit she was visibly shocked when I told her. But I just felt I was being steered towards not making an official complaint and it's making me doubt myself and wonder if I'm over reacting. ...also some of my friends are saying I shouldn't make an official complaint as it could ruin the TA's career.

On the plus side DD is happier and apparently the girl who was leaving her out has been playing with her again this week Hmm till the next time

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/04/2017 16:19

Thanks for the update. Pleased to hear the HT and didn't fob you off.
Its entirely up to you. If you want to take the complaint further. Personally I would. People need to be made accountable for their behavior and the upset and effect it has on others. I really don't think a talking to is enough.
But like I said. I don't want to influence your decision.

aginghippy · 05/04/2017 16:21

An official complaint won't ruin the TA's career, that's bollocks. She might be subject to a disciplinary procedure. Assuming she doesn't say inappropriate stuff like that again, she would keep her job. And if she does it again, she really should be in a different line of work.

You are not over-reacting. They probably don't want you to make an official complaint because it's more work for them.