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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it me, or him?

86 replies

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 01/04/2017 16:58

I'd love some outside opinions; it's driving me insane!

If I upset DP somehow, he goes silent and absent for a bit and it really gets to me.

Todays' example - I usually spend Fridays with him. It's not planned in advance but usually happens. I'm not seeing him as much as usual recently because I'm at a new job so out of the house 7 - 7; and this week I've spent four days abroad for work. I let him know at 3pm yesterday that it looked like it was going to be a late one, and apologised. He said he'd pick me up in an hour when he went to get a takeaway but we weren't finished; he hasn't spoken to me since. I text him last night to say I was home; then this morning, and called twice during the day today, but he's ignored all of it. He is talking to other people, just ignoring me.

To a certain extent I understand; he works from home so is probably a bit lonely and I'm someone different to his flatmates. On the other, he is more than welcome to stay here whenever he wants and he choses not to. I did see him for a bit on Thursday night (he ate with his flatmates but was here for two hours or so after).

I feel that he knows my past and why being ignored really gets to me; and uses it as a punishment when I upset him. I fully expect that he'll eventually message me something totally normal and not reference the huge period of silence; as that's usually how it goes.

My head feels utterly screwed.

OP posts:
GoodDayToYou · 09/04/2017 11:20

My thoughts:

Change the locks and your passwords.
Cancel the car payment.
Pack up all his stuff and take a photo of it, so it's clear exactly what you're returning. Drop it at his home when he's out (or get a friend to do it).
Send him one message, in writing, saying that you are now ending the relationship due to his unreasonable behaviour (ignoring calls, entering home, searching through belongings, false accusations etc) and that you will now be paying all the rent and none of the car payments and that you have returned all his belongings. Wish him well for the future.

Be strong. You know you deserve much better.

GoodDayToYou · 09/04/2017 11:22

You can open a giffgaff account quite easily - it's cheap and it's on the O2 network.

GoodDayToYou · 09/04/2017 11:30

I know, it's a lot to deal with. Take it a step at a time. First things first: you need a phone and to get the locks changed. After that, prioritise your wellbeing.

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 09/04/2017 11:31

he is just vile

the accusations are because you have not gone crawling to him declaring undying love and playing the role he wants you to play. Stay strong and keep moving forward and away from this wankbadger

OfaFrenchmind2 · 09/04/2017 11:41

Well, as horrible as you situation is right now, at least he showed his assholery enough for you to get rid without having second thoughts. Be brave and good luck, you deserve so much more.

JennyHolzersGhost · 09/04/2017 11:43

Ok this is so far beyond the pale that you need to take action OP. Change the locks. Get a new PAYG SIM card and let people know the number. Cancel any joint finances. Put all bills in your name. Make a list of things to do. Tell friends and family what he has done. You can do this ! We're all behind you !

happypoobum · 09/04/2017 11:44

Well now you see who he really is.

I hate to add to the chorus, but change the bloody locks and dump his stuff in bin bags outside his mums house.

If he bothers you any more, contact the police on 101 and say he is harassing you.

Life is too short to tolerate all this shit. Flowers

kali110 · 09/04/2017 12:02

Get rid

expatinscotland · 09/04/2017 12:43

You need to CHANGE THE LOCKS! This is your home! CHANGE THE LOCKS! Block and delete him entirely. Why are you afraid to go to your own home?! Go with one of your friends then, change the locks with friends there. He has no right to be in your home! He's an abusive fuckwit and his stonewalling didn't work.

CANCEL the car payment. He doesn't get your car anymore.

OrianaBanana · 24/04/2017 18:59

Op how's it going?

BubbleBall · 24/04/2017 19:08

Is he bitter that you're managing just fine with the new situation rather than pining for him to come back?

Ie. Work is going well, so when it "gets in the way so to speak, he takes the huff and is punishing you for not being at his beck and call?

I'm guilty of going quiet on DP at times when something isn't suiting me but it lasts an hour, two at most and is more about giving myself a bit of time to process why im upset so that i can talk to him about it than me making him suffer for doing something i dont like.

He sounds manipulative, I wouldn't give that behaviour the time of day.

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