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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out with friends when I had plans with my partner?

68 replies

Emboo19 · 01/04/2017 11:41

Firstly I know I'm being a bit unreasonable, but not sure how much so.
Me and my boyfriend got keys to a house on Wednesday and he's been there every day until late, get stuff sorted so we can stay there for the first time tonight.
My best friends are home from uni for Easter holidays and we've not been able to arrange a get together the three of us, due to holidays work etc! Got a group whatsapp last night to say they could do tonight now, if I could.

So a bit of a row with my bf followed, him not happy I'm planning on meeting friends when we are supposed to be moving in tonight! Me not happy he used the term babysitting for his own daughter!

He left early this morning to go to the house, saying 'just do what you want' I think he mumbled 'you always do'. My mum doesn't think I'm being unreasonable to do just that and we can just move in on Sunday, my friends obviously don't think I am.

I was inclined to agree and do what I want, which is see my friends.
But, he's now just sent a message, saying he's sorry, he was just upset as he's looking forward to us moving in. He knows I don't see A&B often and I should go. That's made me feel bad though and I wonder if I'm being more unreasonable than I originally thought.

Worth adding, he's never in our 3 years together, not been ok with me going out/changing plans or anything. And he's not sulky or moody so him saying go won't mean he'll then be funny with me, he's not like that!!

So AIBU to go out with friends instead of staying in with him? Please be brutally honest!

OP posts:
flibflob · 01/04/2017 13:41

If it was any other night I would say YANBU but not in this case, sorry.

If your friends are trying to change their plans to fit around you tonight, why can't they do that for another night? Or you could organise a weekend next term when they both come home, go and see one of them at their uni and the other one goes with you, plan something for the summer break. It's not the end of the world.

user1491049702 · 01/04/2017 13:47

Ask him if he would be OK with a house moving in party and have them come over to your house and have him invite some friends too, if not stay and move in with him, he did a huge amount of work and made plans to do something lovely for you tonight which you don't appreciate and and canceling and offloading your child at short notice to go get drunk with your friends.

I think this might be a reverse and if you where a female and your BF was doing this you would be getting tons of LTB.

roarityroar · 01/04/2017 13:52

I think that's really sad and really mean of you.

onceandneveragain · 01/04/2017 14:17

I originally thought ywbu but actually tbf now you've added the new info I can see your point. It's not as though you'd been planning your move in day for months, if it is as you've said and plans only changed a few hours after the decision has been made then fair enough. Plus the fact that you've changed the other two weekends you could have met up with your friends to be with him. I think if you let your friends down now you'd be in a no-win situation with everyone as the shine would come off moving day - I would just agree to do it tomorrow, and make sure I told him how much you appreciate all the stuff he's done to get the house ready etc.

Cocklodger · 01/04/2017 14:30

Tbh if I was him I'd be changing the locks and dumping you. Or at the very least reconsidering the whole relationship. If you can be so flippant about something so important what else are you being immature and flippant about (or would be about in future)? You don't have to answer obviously but that would be my concern if I was him. I think you've been quite cruel

Original poster
Emboo19 · 01/04/2017 15:21

We've spoken and agreed on a solution, thanks for the honest response everyone!

In my defence, we aren't the type of couple who feel the need to celebrate things and I really didn't think that he was bothered about our first night in the house as such (if that makes any sense). But it seems he had a whole thing planned, so I get that he was upset, only I didn't know about that!
I am excited about the living together part and no I'm not usually flippant or particularly immature.

I hadn't actually said I was going out to him or my friends. I was considering it when he went off on his, 'guess I'm babysitting then' rant.
And it wouldn't be a big night out, I'm breastfeeding anyway and one of my friends is driving early tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 02/04/2017 10:06

We ended up having a lovely first night in together and a lovely morning too! So thanks for the wake up call, as to how unreasonable I was being!

He's taken dd swimming now and I'm unpacking some stuff or I'm supposed to be anyway

I guess from the responses, I should have been more bothered about our moving in day and I'm unsure what that means for our relationship long term! Confused

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 02/04/2017 10:16

What had he planned for the first night, OP?

And yes, you were perfectly right to call him out on 'babysitting'.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 02/04/2017 10:18

I do take offence at the comments regarding dumping and offloading my daughter though. She'd be with her father and it would have been the third time in her six months that I'd have left her for a night out!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 02/04/2017 10:23

He'd planned food and he had made it quite special and romantic Chole when we spoke, he'd also said he wanted us to have our first morning together for breakfast, which he made this morning. If we moved in tonight he'd have been going to working at 6am Monday.

He knows I hate the term babysitting for your own children. And he doesn't usually use it tbf. That's why I felt he was doing it to wind me up!

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 02/04/2017 10:32

Sounds like he did make an effort then Grin

He does need to give you more notice of his plans. You're entitled to see your friends too.

Wando1986 · 02/04/2017 10:34

You're an arse if you go see your friends, OP.

Falafelings · 02/04/2017 10:37

You did the right thing to stay with him last night. Your mates can always change their plans or give you more notice next time.

Chloe84 · 02/04/2017 10:39

You're an arse if you didn't RTFT Wanda.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 02/04/2017 10:49

To be fair to him he's very good at the making effort and romantic stuff and not in a tacky way, he really does think about what I'd like.
In hindsight I should have realised he'd planned something, when he didn't automatically say 'go, with your friends' as he knew we'd be trying to sort something and I was disappointed we hadn't.

He's not great at giving notice though and is generally quite spontaneous! He'd usually have checked with my mum and friends though if they might be clashing problems, like birthdays etc!
Unfortunately for yesterday's plans, both his and my friends came together quite last minute.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 02/04/2017 10:57

I d just rtft a bit late but think you def made the right decision! Congrats on your new home Smile

Original poster
Emboo19 · 02/04/2017 11:32

Thanks Brutus it feels weird, like we're just on holiday somewhere. Guess it takes a while to feel like home.

I did consider getting reading and going out, when he fell asleep at 10pm!! But I was pretty tired myself so just woke him up and said shall we go to bed instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 02/04/2017 11:32

Ready not reading!!

OP posts:
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