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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out with friends when I had plans with my partner?

68 replies

Emboo19 · 01/04/2017 11:41

Firstly I know I'm being a bit unreasonable, but not sure how much so.
Me and my boyfriend got keys to a house on Wednesday and he's been there every day until late, get stuff sorted so we can stay there for the first time tonight.
My best friends are home from uni for Easter holidays and we've not been able to arrange a get together the three of us, due to holidays work etc! Got a group whatsapp last night to say they could do tonight now, if I could.

So a bit of a row with my bf followed, him not happy I'm planning on meeting friends when we are supposed to be moving in tonight! Me not happy he used the term babysitting for his own daughter!

He left early this morning to go to the house, saying 'just do what you want' I think he mumbled 'you always do'. My mum doesn't think I'm being unreasonable to do just that and we can just move in on Sunday, my friends obviously don't think I am.

I was inclined to agree and do what I want, which is see my friends.
But, he's now just sent a message, saying he's sorry, he was just upset as he's looking forward to us moving in. He knows I don't see A&B often and I should go. That's made me feel bad though and I wonder if I'm being more unreasonable than I originally thought.

Worth adding, he's never in our 3 years together, not been ok with me going out/changing plans or anything. And he's not sulky or moody so him saying go won't mean he'll then be funny with me, he's not like that!!

So AIBU to go out with friends instead of staying in with him? Please be brutally honest!

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 01/04/2017 12:02

Yabu. But hey ur mother says its OK???

thatdearoctopus · 01/04/2017 12:05

Agree, YABVU.

He's been working on the house at all hours to get it ready for you both to move in today and you're pissing off out for a better offer?
Very selfish and thoughtless.

VenusOfWillendorf · 01/04/2017 12:06

Is this a reverse? Have you been working on the house all week and he now wants to go out with his mates? If so, he's being U, and you're entitled to feel upset about it.

Maverickismywingman · 01/04/2017 12:09

YABU

pieceofpurplesky · 01/04/2017 12:11

Hmmmm. Fallen at the first hurdle. You sound young and immature.
I don't give this relationship much of a future if you are so selfish! I'd be changing the locks!

LadyPW · 01/04/2017 12:11

YABVU - like others have said, moving in is a big deal AND he's been working hard to get it ready. Still, maybe he'll be happy living there on his own....

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2017 12:11

I understand you haven't seen your friends for a while. However I expect they're around for 3 weeks. Moving in to your new home is a really big deal and your dp is right to be upset. And stop deferring to your mother about day to day relationship issues. You're a parent now and the rules have changed.

BackforGood · 01/04/2017 12:12

Agree with everyone else.
YABU.
It's a big thing moving into your first home together - well, it is for those committed to a relationship, anyway. Most people would be really excited to be doing that.

RiversrunWoodville · 01/04/2017 12:12

Massively massively yabu. He's been working hard to get the property ready -a big deal. You had already planned to move in today -a big deal. Then you just want to dump something that most people would see as a life changing moment by moving into a new property together for a night out. Really hope it's an April fool

Original poster
Emboo19 · 01/04/2017 12:15

Thank you all! I did say I knew I was being unreasonable, I guess I'm just being more so than I thought.

We've not had the moving date set as such, it's been more of a when we're ready so I haven't built today up as moving day. I think he has though and he's pressured himself to be ready, where as I wouldn't have minded when it happened.

It's the only date over Easter break I can see both together, am seeing both separately though. Last time we could manage the three of us was Xmas and they are my best friends since reception.

Tbf, I don't often take my mums advice which is part of the reason I asked on here.

OP posts:
HicDraconis · 01/04/2017 12:22

YABevenmoreU if you are going to see your friends separately over the break - it's not like this is the only chance you have to see them then. Yes all together may be fun but obviously if you're seeing them separately, then one or the other of them is not going to be there so maybe this time it has to be you that's not there.

And your mum has nothing to do with it.

Are you going to stay in with your bf and celebrate? Or are you going to stay in with your bf and sulk about how you wanted to go out? Or are you going out anyway?

RedSkyAtNight · 01/04/2017 12:25

If there is literally only 1 night in the whole of the Uni Easter holidays that both your best friends are free it sounds like they are prioritising a whole bunch of things less important that moving in with ones boyfriends tbh. So why should you be the one to change your plans?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2017 12:26


Agree with RedSky

MeadowDream · 01/04/2017 12:28

Yes I think you were unreasonable. Moving in together is a big day and you just threw it over without even consulting him. I would be very pissed off if my DP had done that.
Especially as he has never had an issue before with you meeting friends. I think you have some serious making up to do!

jelliebelly · 01/04/2017 12:28

You need to rethink your priorities or this relationship won't last 5 minutes

MommaGee · 01/04/2017 12:29

I have friends like this UP, alto from 11 not 5. Its so hard - there's 6 of us!
I would have asked DUH if he minded, I would have expected him to say no, go.

Given he's backed down I'd tell him how much you appreciate him understanding and let the stupid baby sitting comment go and enjoy it. Otherwise you'll be in your new house thinking how much you're missing.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 01/04/2017 12:31

Redsky they have slightly different holidays and each of us are away for a week each. There's one weekend we could have met in another city, but my boyfriends got a gig that weekend so I can't go. Tonight one friend was in another city and has changed plans to fit this in.
My boyfriend only said yesterday we could move in today. Just he'd said that before my friends messaged!

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 01/04/2017 12:41

You see if these were my friends and we knew we were going to be busy, we would have agreed at Christmas (or even earlier) when we were all going to meet up. Not got to almost Easter and realised that we'd all made separate plans that didn't work for everyone else. Or at least, if we'd done that, we'd accept that actually getting us all together wasn't such a priority for everyone.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 01/04/2017 13:02

We did Redsky of the two dates we had, I've had to change plans on both. One being my boyfriends gig the other being the only time we could get away as a family.

So my friends have been trying to switch their plans to suit me! Hence why I feel torn with what to do now!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 01/04/2017 13:09

By 'moving in' - do you just mean 'spending your fist evening in your new house together' or do you mean ''moving all our furniture, boxes, bags, and general stuff physically from where it is now, into the new house?

If it's the latter, then the more hands on deck, the better - ask your mates to help.

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing · 01/04/2017 13:23

Yabu and quite mean! Also I'd be thinking if this is a big night out get together is tomorrow going to be a washout if you're hungover?

SaucyJack · 01/04/2017 13:26

Does he get on with your friends?

You could invite them to yours for a mini house-warming if so.

NoCapes · 01/04/2017 13:27

Yabvu and sound about 15 Hmm

RachelRagged · 01/04/2017 13:37

YABU.

dilapidated · 01/04/2017 13:37

I'd be fuming with you

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