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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be very proud of 12 year old DD but horrified she's had to deal with this?

65 replies

Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2017 13:25

My DD had a close group of friends as Primary ( some male). She went to a different school to them but still keeps in touch with most of them, largely on snapchat.
One of the boys has always been a bit controlling of her, I suspect he " fancies" her but she's not interested. He has messaged he things such as him losing at a sport because she's upset him and once even invented a girlfriend who subsequently " died". All very silly but she shows me the messages and I've told her to ignore anything like that.
Last night she came into my room visibly upset, she has posted a photo of herself with 1 female and 2 male friends from her new school on her snapchat story. This boy then launched a tirade about how she was s fucking Whore and slut and none of her old friends liked her anymore and they all hated her ( not true, she is meeting a couple of them tomorrow in fact)
I am absolutely disgusted by this and her Dad is furious too. I don't know his family but if I tried I could probably track them down but we haven't decided whether to do so yet. I told her that she had to block him immediately, which she said she intended to but that she had sent him a reply.
She basically told him that for a boy of his age to use such disgusting and sexist language was completely out of order and she pitied any female who had to come in contact with him. She also told him that his words said far more about him and his issues than about her. She also told him that slut shaming was what men/boys who felt inadequate did to females they couldn't control.
Although I'm upset this happened and she was too ( had a little cry) I'm so proud of how she dealt with it. She's also had a lot of support from old and new friends which has made her feel better.
Has anyone else had to deal with anything similar and should I take further action? No idea what, they are at different schools so can't expect either school to get involved.

OP posts:
itsmine · 31/03/2017 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumsBet · 31/03/2017 14:37

I feel more sorry for the lad. If this is how he deals with disappointment now, he's got a whole load more of shite waiting ahead of him.
3 cheers for OP's daughter.

Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2017 14:40

Yes itsme she did, although possibly not word for word and there was probably an OMG in there somewhere!!
If you knew her you wouldn't be surprised, she's very very articulate

OP posts:
ToastyFingers · 31/03/2017 14:41

What a ledge! Your daughter sounds like a brilliant, articulate, strong minded young lady.

blankmind · 31/03/2017 14:41

Wow, you have a superstar dd Grin

I'd contact the boy's current school, if he's behaving like that to your dd, then he could be doing the same to other girls too.

itsmine · 31/03/2017 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knackeredinyorkshire · 31/03/2017 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWhiteWash · 31/03/2017 14:58

Secondary schools - either or both - might be helpful.

They were helpful to use with our Yr7 with friendship fall out over on-line and texts. They seem to have a few issues with social media covering all years in the school , what pupils post and on-line bullying and it's therefore a topic frequently covered and dealt with by them.

user1483387154 · 31/03/2017 15:00

You have an amazing daughter!
She dealt with this on such a mature level and must have been really hurtful to go through.

Pigface1 · 31/03/2017 15:04

Well I'm appalled that that happened to your DD.

But I'm amazed at the way she handled it. She is a credit to you.

Pigface1 · 31/03/2017 15:06

And a credit to herself!!

LovingLola · 31/03/2017 15:07

I think 12 is too young to be using social media. But I suspect I am in a minority with that view.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 31/03/2017 15:09

Your DD is amazing! And as the mother of a 12 year old boy, I would want to know if he was behaving like this so that I could, hopefully, nip this behaviour in the bud.

Kiroro · 31/03/2017 15:10

School / police / parents

He sounds like an unhinged little shit who will go onto abuse/murder/whatever

Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2017 15:45

knackered we do breed them tough here in Yorkshire!!

OP posts:
boolifooli · 31/03/2017 15:56

I'm guessing snapchat would ban him for using their service to send abusive messages.

HerBigChance · 31/03/2017 15:59

Fantastic response from your daughter, OP!

Brilliant.

sticklebrix · 31/03/2017 16:06

Wow, what an amazing daughter you have! I would be incredibly proud of her. Good for her. You should feel proud that she felt comfortable coming to you.

Agree with PP that I would want to know if my son ever did something like this. But maybe it would be best if the school/police got involved to inform them.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/03/2017 16:14

Well done to your dd, fantastic response that is way beyond her years, and I hope that it gives him food for thought. I would report his behaviour to his school, and to the Police, as it is bullying behaviour.

Cheby · 31/03/2017 16:17

Well done to your DD OP. She should be proud of herself.

That boy sounds like he is on a fast track to being a controlling abusive dickhead in his adult life, if he doesn't get pulled up on his behaviour now. It's a very alarming way to act towards a girl at age 12. So for that reason alone I would track down his parents and tell them. They may well do nothing about it, but at least you will have passed on the information for them to choose.

TheDogsEatingCaptainAmerica · 31/03/2017 16:21

Your DD sounds bloody amazing, I want to be her friend (but that would be weird because I'm 25). Well done to you for giving her the tools to handle this shit herself, she is going to be an absolute arse kicker.

If she wants you to take it further do, but I think there does come a time where we have to hang back and let them use the tools we've provided them with to handle situations themselves - and it sounds like she's more than capable!

So sorry it happened but I'm just so impressed. What a brilliant girl.

TheMaddHugger · 31/03/2017 16:23

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Well Done

blankmind · 31/03/2017 16:24

I wouldn't approach his parents, he could have learned that behaviour from anyone in his family.

His school need to know IMO and if he tries anything with your dd because she's blocked him, either getting other kids to contact her with a message from him or him turning up when she's out of the house and being abusive, then I'd directly involve the Police.

tissuesosoft · 31/03/2017 16:29

Your DD is amazing!!! I would print off screen shots of the messages and hand deliver them to his parents (if you know the address).

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 31/03/2017 16:32

You dd is awesome!! Star

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