Is my sister being entitled or does this sound reasonable to you?

[motherofallhens]

I am feeling fed up! I am having my sister’s two boys to stay over the holidays. This was my suggestion and we are really looking forward to having them here. However, in addition to having them here for 10 days, my sister also expects me to meet her halfway to pick them up, then drive them halfway home again. They live 3.5 hours away from us so quite a lot of driving.

Am I being U in thinking that she is being U?!

Total disclosure here, we don’t have a particularly good relationship and never have done. We get on fine when we see each other but she never makes any effort with me or my children at all. That is, she is a bit patchy with remembering the kids’ birthdays and she never calls me, remembers my birthday or suggests getting together etc. (and I mean literally never in each case!)

However, she is still my sister and I don’t want my children to have the relationship with their cousins that I have with mine (i.e. none at all). Consequently, I invite her children here every holiday and I am sometimes allowed to have them :) They are fab and get on very well with mine (similar ages).

I have had to do overtime this week so that I can take next week off – I am blimmin shattered and could really do without all the driving prior to having a houseful of children all week – although I love having them here it will be very full on! Is it too much to ask that she at least does one of the trips herself? Is it not just a teeny-bit taking the pee, especially given that she doesn’t work and I will have done 50+ hours this week to make time to have her kids to stay?

What d’you ladies think or should I stop whining seeing as this situation is entirely of my own making?!

[TinselTwins]

I really hate when people do someting they want and nobody else asked for, then imply it's doing you (and your kids in this case) a favour.

Why would you send kids who didn't ask to go? Well my kids are at an age where they are less keen on older relatives and would rather be with their mates, but I don't think it's reasonable to always allow them to opt out of invitations. Sometimes you have to do things out of duty.

Maybe the sisters thinking/reasoning is: "go for 10 days now and then you can be off the hook for the summer holidays/opt out for the rest of the year" IYKWIM.

[TinselTwins]

"giving" 10 days now = easier to say no to the OPs requests over summer/autumn half term IYKWIM. Get it over with with one long stay and you don't have to say yes to multiple shorter ones

[WhataHexIgotinto]

I'm not sure any of us can make so many assumptions Tinsel, given that none of us actually know these people.

To me, 'giving a little' would be to let them go if they wanted to, for say 5 days. Certainly not 10. Our ideas of compromise are very different - to me, a compromise is not just going along with something if it doesn't suit, it's meeting somewhere in the middle and finding something that suits all parties.

However, as I said, none of us actually know any of this (unless you're the sister? . I just can't imagine anyone being steamrollered into handing their children over for a full 10 if they really didn't want to.

[hackmum]

10 days is a huge amount of time to have someone else's kids. Kind of amazed the SiL suggested that rather than, say, 5 days. I wouldn't want to presume on someone else's generosity and I also wouldn't want to be away from my children for that long.

Seven hours driving in a day is tiring, but not impossible.

[hackmum]

That should be sister, not SIL.

[BantyCustards]

Goodness - she'a getting 10 days child free.

As a PP said I'd crawl over hot coals!

Disclaimer: 7 hour round trip is nothing to me.

[lolasdaughter]

You are a saint for offering. Appreciate a 7-hour drive a lot for most people, but the upside is 10 days free! If your sister really wants to make this work she can find a way- if staying at yours is not a suitable option for her there are other alternatives. Agree with those who've written begin as you mean to go on. It's a great offer and I'd love to get it!

[Crunchymum]

How are the kids getting home after their 10 day stay?

[TinselTwins]

I'm not sure any of us can make so many assumptions Tinsel, given that none of us actually know these people
everyone on here is making assumptions, all the people telling the OP she's a saint who is doing her sister a favour are making assumptions, I just disagree and assume the opposite, but I'm not making any more assumptions than anyone else.

To me, 'giving a little' would be to let them go if they wanted to, for say 5 days. Certainly not 10. Our ideas of compromise are very different - to me, a compromise is not just going along with something if it doesn't suit, it's meeting somewhere in the middle and finding something that suits all parties.
Maybe she sees the comprimise as the kids doing one big longer trip a year rather than several shorter ones and then they're off the hook for a year , and now it'll be easier to say no for the next 4 times the OP asks. Sounds like the OP asks quite frequently. One big trip then "off duty" for the summer hols might be the comprimise that suits them better than them going a few days here and a few days there. It's difficult when someone keeps asking for/suggesing something.

If the sister is never instigating this, and says no most times, I really doubt that the sister is rubbing her hands in glee about the prospect, that doesn't mean that she's agreeing to something that she's 100% against either, there are shades of grey

[TinselTwins]

If your sister really wants to make this work she can find a way
It's the OP who really wants this to happen.
"I invite her children here every holiday and I am sometimes allowed to have them"