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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't have given away my stuff without asking

49 replies

yaela123 · 31/03/2017 07:39

BTW this is quite out of character for him

Anyway, a few months ago I got a scarf as a gift. It was a nice scarf but I don't really wear them so I hadn't used it (and probably wasn't going to anytime soon).

Last week, when I was out, a friend of DH's was round and commented that it was a nice scarf so he said she could have it. He only told me this morning when it happened to come up in the conversation.

I would have donee the same thing (given it away I mean) but AIBU to be annoyed he didn't ask me first? He seems to think IBVU but I think it was mine not his and there's no harm in asking, right?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 31/03/2017 07:42

No. It wasn't his to give, but is the giving of the scarf the problem, or is it who he gave it to?

TaliDiNozzo · 31/03/2017 07:44

He is ridiculously out of order. How could he even think it's okay to give away someone else's belongings?!

ems137 · 31/03/2017 07:44

I'd be annoyed too. I'd never give away DHs things.

SeriousSocks · 31/03/2017 07:48

Totally out of order.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 31/03/2017 07:48

Beyond strange, why would he to that?? Definitely make your feelings known now so it doesn't happen again

I bet he has also made the friend feel very awkward, I would be mortified if I admired something on a visit and was given it, especially in this situation

OliviaStabler · 31/03/2017 07:48

I'd be more worried about who he gave it to.

Original poster
yaela123 · 31/03/2017 07:49

I don't care about who he gave it to. If I had been there I would have probably offered/definitely agreed but as I wasn't there surely he shouldn't have even offered it?

He doesn't see the problem

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 31/03/2017 07:51

I'd give some of his stuff away.

Berthatydfil · 31/03/2017 07:51

Of course he is wrong. Who gives away other people's stuff without asking.?

Original poster
yaela123 · 31/03/2017 07:55

I had made some throwaway comment about how I didn't really need tit earlier in the week which he took to mean he could give it away. Confused

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 31/03/2017 07:55

Give away something of his while he's out. He might suddenly understand.

Original poster
yaela123 · 31/03/2017 07:56

Whoops - it

(anyone else read the thread about not liking the word tit?)

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 31/03/2017 07:56

He did what?

He would be just as happy if a friend commented on a pair of his jeans and you have them away?

Original poster
yaela123 · 31/03/2017 08:00

Hmm... stop planting ideas in my head!

He's gone out now so I'll have a chat when he gets back from work

OP posts:
MyOtherNameIsTaken · 31/03/2017 08:02

It's not his scarf. It doesn't matter if you've never worn it, it belongs to you so he has no right to give it away.

HolgerDanske · 31/03/2017 08:14

I would be extremely angry if my fiancé ever did that. Luckily he's not so disrespectful of me so it would never happen. I would actually give something of his away or just decide to get rid of it, if he ever did that to me.

flowery · 31/03/2017 08:17

You were given it months ago, haven't used it, don't wear scarves, and told him this week that you didn't need it?

I don't think he was quite as out of order as everyone else in that case tbh. I wouldn't mind my DH giving something like that away.

Otherpeoplesteens · 31/03/2017 08:24

I guess it depends on your family dynamics, but we wouldn't have a problem with this. In our home if there was something one of us had been given, and were unlikely to have much use out of, we'd have discussed it straight away as part of the "did you see what so-and-so gave me?"

If it then transpires that it brought pleasure to our friends it would seem perfectly natural to give it away. And if that turned out to be a mistake, we'd just go and get another one. Not a big deal to us.

Original poster
yaela123 · 31/03/2017 08:25

flowery Yeah I kinda agree with you.

I'm not exactly furious just confused/bit annoyed he didn't think to ask me

OP posts:
Popskipiekin · 31/03/2017 08:31

It's certainly a bit odd but I can see his thinking: he bought it, you haven't worn it and said you wouldn't need it, therefore in his mind it's back with him so-to-speak and his to regift. Would you be less upset if he had taken it back to shop/sold it and got you something else? Perhaps you feel done out of a gift, even one you were unlikely to use?

Gallavich · 31/03/2017 08:38

She didn't say he bought it!
He was out of order. That was yours and if you didn't want to keep it it was up to you to gift it or sell it. Not him.

OliviaStabler · 31/03/2017 08:46

I don't care about who he gave it to.

You should.

Trifleorbust · 31/03/2017 08:46

All he had to do was WhatsApp you: blah mate likes that scarf you never use - any chance she could have it?

Done.

Giving your stuff away without your permission is cheeky.

FinallyHere · 31/03/2017 08:51

I really think you need to get him to promise that he will not any more of your stuff away without asking you. And asking in front of the person to whom it might be given doesn't count.

By all means, tell you that x liked it, but leave it up to you to gift or not.

EpoxyResin · 31/03/2017 09:00

I'm with flowery, I don't think it's all that big a deal. Yeah, it wasn't his to give, and he definitely overstepped the bounds of "what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine" - but sometimes that happens in couples and you forget that you don't operate 100% as one mind. So yeah, pull him up on that, tell him to just ask you next time. But you'd have given it to his friend anyway, so really no harm done.