To ask you how normal this is?

[pepsiandshirley]

Two couples, both married with teenage DC.

Have dinner together at home and then after a few drinks put on some music, turn the lights pretty much off, swap partners and spend the evening slow dancing in the dark.

Normal? Or not?

Just read your other posts. As an isolated foible particular to them, it seems relatively get-over-able...but if it's the tip of the iceberg as you say, then....
I hope you're ok.

I'm not asking you to divulge what happened to you. But if you were abused as a child I would urge you to talk to the police about that.

I think it was around a bit in the seventies...

Swingers?

The 70s did see a trend in swapping partners. My in laws tried it...my in laws! If you knew them you would understand how utterly unimaginable that is. It just goes to show how current and of-the-times swinging was.

Thank you.

This was in the 90s

(I'm not that old!!)

Not my sort of normal.

Er... does pampas grass in someone's front garden say 'Swingers live here'? I'll have a careful look around the neighbourhood when I move house next month!

I had school friends who parents swapped partners after 70's dinner parties. They would come down for breakfast on Sunday mornings with each other's husband or wife. We lived in a small village and all the kids talked about it at school, it seemed pretty normal as it happened often. My parents didn't take part and I thought they were really boring.

Probably not common, but if everyone involved was a consenting adult, not a problem. Uncommon does not mean abnormal.

We've inherited the most enormous pampas grass I've ever seen - it's half way up the garden in a very prominent position. You can't miss it.

I actually really like it but I think it may have to go. It's reputation lives on... nearly 50 years on...

I don't get swinging.
The thought of somebody else sticking themselves into somebody I love is repulsive.
I don't care what anybody says. If you are happy to do this, you don't love each other.
You have my sympathy OP. They screw you up, your mum and dad.

My next door neighbours did some version of this, only about 10 years ago.

Both couples had primary school age children, neighbours invited other family round for BBQ and kareoke. Kids off to bed about 10, then slow dance music, lots of squealing, drunken singing etc. Could hear one couple in the bedroom next to ours and the other from the spare room. It was obvious from the voices that the male neighbour was not in the same room as the female neighbour.

It happened about twice a month for ages. The next morning there was always a set of lacy undies on the washing line, almost like a badge of honour.

Then they would have a Sunday roast with all the kids, like nothing had happened. BUT WE KNEW :)

Huh..I have danced with a friend's husband before, whilst friend and dp chatted in the kitchen.

Slow dance uyes. Bump and grind no. Sex: nope

I'm not certain that slow dancing is completely weird. Or maybe it is

If everyone is adult and consenting what's the problem..... ?

The only time I've 'swapped' partners whilst dancing was when we were pissed and did a dosey doe round each other at an impromptu ceilidh in our kitchen.
Hope you find peace OP

Not normal. That said, I grew up in a small village in the 70's where several couples from the posher end of the village were the subject of gossip about this. Not sure if details about car keys in a fruit bowl as a means of choosing a sexual partner were true or fiction but I felt glad my parents weren't the subjects of the gossip. Presumably their kids knew, which is very sad. Particularly as two of the marriages broke up when two couples swapped partners permanently.

Are you Mike Leigh?

Slow dancing in the dark? Is that a euphemism or am I missing something?!
If it really was just slow dancing, what's the problem?! (I'm picturing slow dance music and a darkened room as people dance with each other) If by slow dancing you mean naked dancing then OMG brain bleach as the child you totally would.

Slow dance uyes. Bump and grind no. Sex: nope

This! How is dancing slowly in any way comparable to the other stuff you mention?! I think I'm missing something and I'm as boring and conservative as you can get.

I don't get swinging.The thought of somebody else sticking themselves into somebody I love is repulsive.

Same. Vom, and you clearly give no shits about each other if that's the case regardless of what you say. Although nowhere does OP say she saw anything like that. She said slow dance and the light turned out. Nothing else. Unless slow dance means something else.

Not normal as such but I would say consenting adults can do whatever they wish sexually, if they're safe.

Having their teenage offspring be privy to the 'wish' however in this case, is definitely very very wrong. Fine to teach teenagers that people do this sometimes (depending on the age, I am thinking 16+rather than 13), not fine to have them view it or discuss it with them. It isn't their business and shouldn't be enforced on them. I hope you're okay OP.

But Cheese surely the whole point Of slow dancing, especially in the dark, is the extensive body to body contact and the opportunities it presents for groping, snogging, and, errm, dry humping (sorry!)

on its own, with consenting adults its totally up to the participants. but it sounds like a part of a much bigger picture in this case. no harm in mentioning it in counselling.

good luck in your therapy op