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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people don't realise how much living costs?!

73 replies

Whereshalligoonholiday · 29/03/2017 19:12

I am so fed up!

Constantly having the same argument with a colleague who tells me 'if you just saved your money you could go to the maldvies like me' and various other ludicrous things.

She lives at home with her mum, doesn't pay rent or bills to her, has no kids and earns circa £60k a year.

I on the other hand earn half her wage, pay £1k a month childcare and am trying to get by with London rent!!

It is every day without fail she tells me I bring it upon myself that I don't do nice things, I must just be throwing my money away.

Yes Sandra, if I earned double my wage with no expenses I probably could drive a lovely Range Rover like you but I don't so shut the hell up.

AIBU to think some people do not live in the real world?!

And any tips for calming the dragon that is sandra?

OP posts:

StrangeLookingParasite · 29/03/2017 22:09

Or, "no, If I could afford landrovers and Maldives I'ld make more ethical and imaginative choices than that!"

This is perfect !

greenlipstick · 29/03/2017 22:22

"Please stop bringing this up at work."

Or laugh and say: "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

Summersunshine222 · 30/03/2017 07:02

Whereshalligoonholiday
What line of work is it? Could you work your way up? Or even take Sandra's job? ;)

JonesyAndTheSalad · 30/03/2017 07:04

YANBU and I sometimes think that SOME parents with one child have no idea how much more expensive two or more can be.

For example they will suggest a trip out which will cost them circa 50 quid. I have to double that to 100....my friend...she'd have to spend 200.

So "it's a cheap day out!" becomes an issue because...no...it's really not!

SheSaidHeSaid · 30/03/2017 07:13

I'm all for staying at home or living with parents if money is tight or for certain situations but you can't put a price on learning to grow up & becoming independent... something Sandra should bear in mind.

Ethylred · 30/03/2017 07:19

Sandra enjoys winding you up, OP. Up to you to decide how to respond.

caffelatte100 · 30/03/2017 07:39

Try to share less personal information and distance yourself from this woman, she sounds poisonous...

TimeforANewTwatName · 30/03/2017 07:53

I like the pat on the the back and "ahh bless". approach

Crumbleface · 30/03/2017 07:55

Range Rovers and the Maldives aren't everyone's cup of tea anyway. She's assuming that everyone has the same taste as her. I actually hate range rovers and would find going to Maldives too much hassle with a 2yr old. Rather camp somewhere nice in the UK. Just as well, as I'll probably never afford it unless I win the lottery (and I don't buy tickets).

I think what's worse are these loaded kids who try to their upmost to not come across as spoiled and privileged and come out with the line "well my parents worked hard and I was fortunate enough to have a very comfortable upbringing", just when you're talking about how you wore second hand clothes as a child and couldn't afford after school clubs, and that you're still trying to claw you're way in to living a "comfortable life" as an adult. I think it's well meaning, but a bit misjudged.

I think Sandra has just not stood on her own two feet yet. How she is earning such a good salary without even possessing the ability to find her own place and pay her own bills is a mystery.

Happyandhungry · 30/03/2017 08:15

Yes everyone that said the mortgage is affordable (in fact my company is over cautious on what we'll lend) but the people are irresponsible with their spending are correct.

Wando1986 · 30/03/2017 08:16

Fuck off, Sandra.

MsJuniper · 30/03/2017 08:38

If Sandra is your line manager you might have to go for a smile and nod option...

Crumbleface · 30/03/2017 08:56

I would just say "weren't you saving a deposit so you can get out of your mum's place? I've seen a nice flat here you'll love, and with bills and council tax etc it will cost you [amount here] a month. You might have to cut back a bit on luxuries though, but at least you're not living at your mum's anymore".

Who knows. She might wish she wasn't living at her mum's and had a fella so she could have children herself. Perhaps she's filling her life with material crap and gloating about it because she's actually really unhappy.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 30/03/2017 08:58

Yanbu

My friends husband earns 30/40k more than mine and gets annual bonuses of 30k+

But the reason we cant afford her holidays and house is because i buy too many clothes

2014newme · 30/03/2017 09:04

Don't give her your financial details that's terrible advice!
Agree with parroting back to her " when are you moving out?"

Starduke · 30/03/2017 09:12

I had this when I started working. Was mates with a girl on work experience (therefore earning a bit less than me).

We went out all the time until I said I can't as I can't afford it. She was and pointed out I earned more than her. I too was puzzled until we dug a bit deeper and discovered her parents paid her rent, bills and gave her money for food...no wonder she had more cash than me! She shut up after that

MycatsaPirate · 30/03/2017 09:14

Sandra sounds like she is jealous.

I would just say 'it's probably because you are living with your mum but I AM a mum. I have different priorities to you so let's just drop the subject'.

And then put salt in her coffee.

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/03/2017 09:15

Totally agree OP!!
I have a friend who's DH works with mine, but my DH is the rank above hers, so earns a bit more. She comes from quite a wealthy background and they have quite a lot of financial support from her parents.
She can't seem to get her head around the fact that we penny pinch every month because my DH is a higher rank than hers
Urrrrmmm maybe because we don't have the bank of mum and dad making deposits every month

maddiemookins16mum · 30/03/2017 09:24

I work with a "Sandra" too (actually she's a Lucy). Earns the same as me (so take home approx 1800 a month). She's late 30's. Lives at home, out every night somewhere, every weekend, weekend breaks to Madrid bi-monthly.
Pays her mum £200 a month which included EVERYTHING - even food, she is quite open about this.
She organised the Christmas Office "Do". Cocktails up The Shard (roughly £18 per cocktail), meal in the City (set menu was £69.00, three course). Plus drinks on top. I'm 90 minutes by train from London, but she was oblivious to this as she'd just get a cab home to South London.
I declined my invite, was told 'surely you can afford it, you have a DP'.
My response..
"Yes, and a mortgage, bills, a child and a £450 a month train season ticket, you really have no idea Lucy".
I suggested we went down the road from the office for the £19.99 three course meal with half a bottle of wine included".
She refused to even consider it.

This "woman child", cannot even use the family washing machine!!

goingonabearhunt1 · 30/03/2017 09:30

Grrrr people like this are so annoying!

I've met a few of them but in the end they're the ones that lose out because they don't learn how to live by themselves or spend sensibly so they'll probably run into trouble at some point. I don't think their parents do them any favours.

specialsubject · 30/03/2017 09:50

Not 'some people' - you just work with an arsehole.

Tell her to keep talk to work matters as she is boring you to the point of near violence.

supermoon100 · 30/03/2017 09:57

How do you even get into a coversation like that? Ooh I'd live to go to the Maldives but can't afford to??? Why would you even begin to compare your lifestyles like that. She sounds like a moron but you also sound rather bitter that you can't afford stuff cos you live in London and pay alot for childcare. £1000 a month is quite alot

listsandbudgets · 30/03/2017 10:09

I used to work with a less mature version of Sandra when I was in my early 20s. We were both doing a relatively low pay long term temp job at the time but

She lived with her parents,paid them no costs (she told me) and got dropped at work by daddy every morning to save her transport costs!

I was renting a room in a shared house, with shared bills and got myself to work everyday with a bus pass I paid for myself. I was also paying off my student overdraft at a paltry £50 a month

She'd keep asking me out to nightclubs, expensive lunches and even asked me why I didn't buy my clothes from better quality shops! I managed a couple of her events before saying to her that I couldn't afford to keep going out. I've never forgotten her response

"in that case Lists move back in with your mum and dad. You won't have to pay anything. You don't need to be paying rent and bills its just a stupid waste of money when you could be having fun and buying nice clothes"

I muttered something about preferring to pay my own way and she said something along the lines of "well you throw your life away if you like Im going to Ibiza next month with my money"....

ashamed to say that I looked her up on facebook a couple of years ago -she was still living with mummy and daddy at the age of 39!

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