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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be offended by this at work today?

54 replies

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 22:44

I generally look quite 'polished' - full makeup, hair and nails done etc. Today I decided I couldn't be arsed with the make up so I did my eyebrows and put mascara on and spent the rest of my 'makeup' time reading mumsnet and having breakfast. I arrived at work in clean clothes, hair done, just with less makeup on.

My manager (who I normally get on well with in a jokey 'banter' bleurgh kind of way) spent ALL DAY joking about me having a hangover.
I work in an office where it's not hugely frowned upon to come in hungover (almost all work drinking events are on weekdays) so as I said to him after the 5th joke at around 10AM - I would have admitted if I was. But the 'joke' continued to the point where I felt like he'd decided as soon as I arrived in the office that I was hungover and nothing would change that.

I was entirely up for the joking and gave no huge reaction as to how much it pissed me off but it did.. When I decided not to do my full face this morning I assumed it wouldn't be a big deal, but it was in an entirely different way than I'd considered.

My question (other than AIBU) is - should I go back to 'normal' full face tomorrow or continue my foundation boycott? I don't really want to deal with another day of 'jokes' but at the same time feel the need to prove myself with a naked face!

OP posts:

highinthesky · 28/03/2017 22:47

Continue the foundation boycott. Colleagues need to know that you're serious, not an alcoholic.

BlondeBecky1983 · 28/03/2017 22:47

If I go with minimal make up everyone thinks I'm ill, I suppose it's just a big difference so everyone assumes there must be something 'up'.

TheProblemOfSusan · 28/03/2017 22:49

I think that is a little offensive, yes. But it happens when people are used to you looking a certain way. I'm naturally pasty and if I forget blusher I get a day of head tilts and "you look a bit pale, are you OK?", god knows what would happen if I forgot foundation.

Perhaps do make up on one half of your face tomorrow and point out the difference?

Screwinthetuna · 28/03/2017 22:50

Wear even less ;) One day I forgot to put eye liner on and everyone was asking if I was high.

The worst is, 'you look tired' when you feel nice and NOT tired

2ndSopranos · 28/03/2017 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:03

Right. "Hungover" face it is then. I might go in actually hungover with 'out out' makeup on to hammer it home even further

OP posts:

Goldfishjane · 28/03/2017 23:12

I think that's very rude
For all he knows, you could have had an upset of some sort rather than be hungover and that could apply to anyone he could be teasing about a hangover.
Also I think it's awful that people comment on personal appearance at work generally
I'd go with less makeup in future. I also think he's sexist saying that.

HappyFlappy · 28/03/2017 23:15

A girl I used to work with always wore full slap unless she fancied a day off. She would then come in with no make-up (and because we were used to seeing her in her glory, everyone would think she was ill because she was pale and her eyes looked like wee-holes in the snow, and her mouth looked like her lips were about to crack with dryness etc) and would be off the following day and everyone would say "She looked really poorly yesterday."

She was quite brazen about it with me because we were mates and used to try to get me to pull the same stunt (I didn't). It did used to irritate me though, because I used to have to pick up a lot of her work.

5OBalesofHay · 28/03/2017 23:17

Just point out how rude it is to make personal comments. Back it with grievance if needed. It's rude and sexist.

tiptoeingpixie · 28/03/2017 23:19

I think you should just wear as much as you want to on any given day

My question (other than AIBU) is - should I go back to 'normal' full face tomorrow or continue my foundation boycott?

seriously OP - do whatever you feel comfortable with never ask what you should be doing!!

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:20

HappyFlappy I'm not planning on taking any sick days, though. In fact I have a week booked off next week...

Goldfish that was my thought too. I suffer quite badly frojm anxiety and part of that used to involve basically having to throw myself out the door (with no routine - that'd make me worse) at the last minute. However, we're close enough that I think he might have assumed I'd have told him if that were the case, as I have before.
I agree with it being sexist, though - not helped by the fact that the rest of the team are all male. And asked me once he'd left if I was really hungover.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2017 23:23

I would do exactly as you please.

He needs to learn what 'overkill' means.

Having said that, I've known a few people over the years who are partial to wearing quite a bit of make-up and when they suddenly don't, the difference can be huge and they have tended to look ill.

In the same way that sometimes if you're used to seeing someone wearing glasses, they can look quite odd without them.

My Dad for example looks like a ghost with little piggy eyes

tiptoeingpixie · 28/03/2017 23:25

A girl I used to work with always wore full slap

Nice

If that isn't negative commenting on a person's choice of how represent themselves I don't know what is. Maybe that 'full slap' afforded her confidence that without it she wouldn't have had. Maybe that 'full slap' covered a birth mark she was embarrassed about?

Maybe that full slap just meant she felt more attractive and confident wearing make up - wind your neck in ffs

MammaTJ · 28/03/2017 23:28

Go in with Full make up, then remove it, full on, and see what the reaction is!

That would make them see it is not lack of function but a choice!

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:29

tiptoe

Thanks - I agree. I also liked the unnecessary anecdote which was only related by the use of makeup ;)

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 28/03/2017 23:30

It's because you looked different

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:31

Worra my dad does too.
And I know that I look different without makeup on but I don't wear it at the weekends and assumed that if I went in with a bit less on nobody at work would have the balls to comment on it. Even 'are you ok, you look tired' would have bothered me less than 'YOU'RE HUNGOVER, AREN'T YOU?!' every hour, on the hour.
I think it was the implication that I was lying about not being hungover that bothered me most, if I'm honest.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:34

BitOutOfPractice So if I'd (or a male colleague) dyed my hair it'd be ok for people to accuse me of being hungover?

At one point I actually thrust my fitbt app's sleep section at him as 'proof' I wasn't hungover - as it had taken me my standard 1.5 hours to fall asleep - which I argued wouldn't have happened if I was drunk. This was met with 'what if you weren't in bed alone...?'

Admittedly a dripfeed (has only just popped into my head) but all my fault for looking different.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2017 23:35

Yeah he sounds like a twat who doesn't know when to stop.

Ultimately though, I wouldn't let any comments stop you from doing exactly what you want.

It's your make-up and your face and if that's all they can think to talk about, the mind boggles.

scaryclown · 28/03/2017 23:37

My last office was the opposite - the supervisor would have us all worrying something was wrong when she came in in full make-up. Her idea of ;'doing make-up properly' was coming in like she was in a pantomime. It was actually very scary in a sort of 'manic puppet' sort of way.

We were always worried she was having a massive breakdown, and its true that sometimes she did this it was when she had fought with her boyfriend, but it was because she wanted to 'flirt' (talk loudly about sex) in the smoking area.

On reflection, she probably wasn't very OK at all...

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2017 23:38

Having read your other update though, I'm guessing showing your Fitbit as 'proof' etc, just spurred them on to continue.

I know it's difficult not to rise to crap like that, but a simple 'Oh do piss off mate', repeated with an eye-roll would probably have meant they got bored much quicker than they did.

scaryclown · 28/03/2017 23:38

Oh yes, sorry I forgot to agree that said guy is a nobber!

Goldfishjane · 28/03/2017 23:39

Bit, we know that!! But wtf is a work colleague doing commenting on appearance?

Op, so what if you were lying. I mean for all he knows you might have had nightmares or insomnia or whatever. I have anxiety too so I know what you mean. I've had panic attacks at 3 am and then worried about throwing up en route to work. I'm sure my boss thinks I am ill or possibly hungover sometimes but she wouldn't dream of commenting.

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:41

I did go with that approach to start with, Worra, but it went nowhere! My 'proof' was batted away with "I'm only joking!" and it then continued for the afternoon.

I think it was just joking -and he played on my annoyance - but it has still pissed me off, if I'm honest. Mostly because a male coming in unshaven/with unstyled hair wouldn't have elicited the same response. Maybe once or twice but not all day

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 28/03/2017 23:48

Bleurghghghgh "My question (other than AIBU) is - should I go back to 'normal' full face tomorrow or continue my foundation boycott? I don't really want to deal with another day of 'jokes' but at the same time feel the need to prove myself with a naked face!"

Go in exactly how you want, make up, no make up, your call.

When you arrive tomorrow go into your boss's office close the door and quietly explain that you were not wearing make up, and that is wh you looked different. His comments were sexist, offensive, rude and annoying, fucking annoying but you can leave the f word off!

I am sure he is a joker and it's all harmless fun but it's not because you were offended and you expect no repeat of it today and you expect him to silence any shit talk from your collegaues.

"I think it was the implication that I was lying about not being hungover that bothered me most, if I'm honest." Then tell him, he was being offensive and you should not put up with that shit. It's like the fucking 50s these days, isn't it!

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