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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be offended by this at work today?

54 replies

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 22:44

I generally look quite 'polished' - full makeup, hair and nails done etc. Today I decided I couldn't be arsed with the make up so I did my eyebrows and put mascara on and spent the rest of my 'makeup' time reading mumsnet and having breakfast. I arrived at work in clean clothes, hair done, just with less makeup on.

My manager (who I normally get on well with in a jokey 'banter' bleurgh kind of way) spent ALL DAY joking about me having a hangover.
I work in an office where it's not hugely frowned upon to come in hungover (almost all work drinking events are on weekdays) so as I said to him after the 5th joke at around 10AM - I would have admitted if I was. But the 'joke' continued to the point where I felt like he'd decided as soon as I arrived in the office that I was hungover and nothing would change that.

I was entirely up for the joking and gave no huge reaction as to how much it pissed me off but it did.. When I decided not to do my full face this morning I assumed it wouldn't be a big deal, but it was in an entirely different way than I'd considered.

My question (other than AIBU) is - should I go back to 'normal' full face tomorrow or continue my foundation boycott? I don't really want to deal with another day of 'jokes' but at the same time feel the need to prove myself with a naked face!

OP posts:

buckeejit · 28/03/2017 23:55

People can look very different & ill without makeup if they always wear it. That's the risk you run by 'putting on' a full face every day & then not doing imo.

This can be used to you advantage (like my manager did today when she arrived to discuss my grievance with her, sans make for the first time in 3 years! )

If you're putting on a front physically & then take it off you will look different & unless someone regularly uses make up they are unlikely to realise this imo & therefore often don't actually mean to be offensive when they comment!

Original poster

Bleurghghghgh · 28/03/2017 23:58

Bucket of you can't give me a response that isn't driven by your issue with your 'made up' boss I'd appreciate you not commenting, if I'm honest.

OP posts:

Goldfishjane · 29/03/2017 00:12

OP I was wondering that re men with hair, stubble etc.
I notice you say there's banter, I fucking hate bantz, the best thing to do is not engage. I know it's horrible and stressful though.
A manager playing on your annoyance is a shit manager.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/03/2017 00:16

You are coming across as rather rude Bleurgh. No need to be so nasty to people commenting on your thread.

NotaSnowflake · 29/03/2017 00:25

Slightly off the point but this has reminded me of when I worked for Jet2.com as a check in Agent. Was a requirement of the job to wear full make up and bright postbox red lipstick (I'm blonde and my face DOES NOT suit bright red lipstick!!!). If you didn't have the full make up and red nails & red scrunchie around a doughnut you were given the dreaded 'envelope' (invitation to disciplinary).
At the end of check in every morning, all check in staff have to stand in a line behind check in, whilst the airside supervisor walks up & down choosing which girls he likes the look of to take round to departures to board flights. Those that were chosen got an extra 3 hours work! Suffice to say, being overweight and looking a raging twat in my lipstick, I was only chosen once in 6 months!)

DJBaggySmalls · 29/03/2017 00:27

I'd go in without full make up from now on and challenge him on the hangover comments.

RhodaBorrocks · 29/03/2017 00:38

How rude!

I'm the only woman in my department that wears anything close to full make up, and definitely not every day. In fact, the more make up I wear the worse I feel (trying to cover up chronic illnesses lol), so I get more sympathy when I'm dressed for a meeting because they think I'm feeling ill!

Just do what you feel, show them you give no fucks and they'll stop mentioning it after a while hopefully .

SparkleSunshine201 · 29/03/2017 00:38

I sympathise OP. I almost always wear contact lenses but have worn glasses to work when I wanted to give my eyes a rest. I remember the head coming into my office the first time I wore my glasses to work. He did a double take and remarked how I looked "so serious" today. I didn't mind but I guess people get used to your face looking a certain way.

OverthinkingSpartacus · 29/03/2017 14:12

I do understand that someone can look totally different if you're used to seeing them in a certain so can kind of understand one comment but to do it all day is fucking rude and If it was a man doing it to me all day long I'd feel like he's telling me I don't look good enough for him without a lot of make up and civering it up with "banter" so it makes me look like a twat in complaining or being annoyed.

If I was confident enough I'd probably take the piss out him back and ask if he really thought women naturally have deep red lips, brown eye lids, (whatever shade your wear) etc etc because most people you when they see you in less make up, know your just wearing less make up, only the thick ones think you have some kind of illness that's turned your lips, eyes, cheeks different colours and even those believe you after being told the first time it's and less or unmade up face is normal and healthy.

I have friends who wear a lot if make up and yes, they look different when they are not wearing it, but I never assume they are ill, I just assume they've chosen not to wear make up that day. If I told them they look ill I'd feel like I'm telling them their normal natural healthy face is bad, I know that's not the intention behind those type comments but it's so easy to be taken that way so I'd never say it.

Women I know well would tell me they are unwell if they wanted me to know, if I was genuinely concerned I might ask if they are ok but link it to their behaviour rather than appearance ie "you're quiet today, is something up?" Or "you're yawning a lot, did you sleep well?", but a woman acting the same as always but with no/less make up than usual I'd assume is that, a woman with less make up on that day.

HecateAntaia · 29/03/2017 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Softkitty2 · 29/03/2017 14:17

Yes its because you looked different. I personally cannot ditch the foundation concealer because of my dark under eyes and would scare my colleagues i think.

However, i think you should have been stern and said "I don't appreciate the hungover jokes because I am not and I will not tolerate any jokes regarding my appearance"

BonnyScotland · 29/03/2017 14:20

You go Girl.... how very dare they judge you based on whether you are wearing foundation or not... who the devil do they think they are...

even if your were ill or feeling under the weather... you are at work and are a fully functioning member of staff....

You do what makes you happy x

confuugled1 · 29/03/2017 14:41

Could you try telling him on the hour every hour that he looks hungover today - on the basis that he doesn't have any make up on? And if he gets annoyed with you, point out that you were only following his example of assuming that not wearing make up was the same as being hungover...

Kiroro · 29/03/2017 14:44

Continue the foundation boycott

^ This

And put some time in your bosses diary, tel him you find it unacceptable for him to comment on your appearance like that and it is completely unprofessional.

PrivatePike · 29/03/2017 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SapphireStrange · 29/03/2017 14:50

That's so boring.

I've found myself over the years the subject of enthralled conversation/repeated tired old jokes etc in connection with matters including, but not limited to, what I eat or don't eat for breakfast, what I eat or don't eat for lunch, which supermarket I may have been to on my way to work, whether or not I drink alcohol/go to the pub, what exercise I do or don't do, which colleagues it has been decided that I like or dislike...

People in offices just sometimes don't have anything more interesting to think about.

I'd go no make-up, and the next time someone starts up, give them a Paddington hard stare and say 'We've talked enough about my appearance now, I think.' but I'm a cunt

user1484750550 · 29/03/2017 15:04

Your manager sounds like a cunt.

I used to have one many years ago, who thought he was hilarious, (I will call him Kevin.) He loved to take the piss and embarrass people. He would laugh and smirk like the pig he was when someone went red. Even making comments about one girls breasts bouncing up and down as she ran from her car to the front door.

He was an utter letch, and a cunt, and said 'Am I embarrassing you? Can you feel your fanny tingling?' and other vile remarks. If it was now he would be sacked probably.

I would tell your manager to stfu next time. Some people just don't know when to stop.

knowler · 29/03/2017 15:08

Crikey, he sounds like a complete bore. The comment is unnecessary and rude once but to repeat it is just irritating and professional. FWIW, whenever I wear less makeup than normal, I always get asked if I'm 'tired'? Nope, this is what I look like

knowler · 29/03/2017 15:09

Unprofessional. Not professional, obvs.

Morphene · 29/03/2017 15:23

yup unprofessional and borish.

I look like shit today but nobody has commented because I always look like shit.

No chance of me wasting money to change the way I look at work.

HappyAxolotl · 29/03/2017 15:33

I would have thought it would go the other way round - someone who doesn't usually wear much or any makeup rolling in one morning with loads on is the one desperately trying to hide the hangover.

Or is that just me?

morningconstitutional2017 · 29/03/2017 15:36

How ridiculous. It's not compulsory to wear make-up but I have to say whenever I decided to wear less I tended to look a bit under the weather.

The continuation of 'jokey' remarks have understandably worn thin and I'm not surprised you're losing patience.

Just say that you've decided to wear less slap because you jolly well feel like it and if he doesn't like it well, tough. Not a sacking offence is it?

Deathraystare · 29/03/2017 16:03

A girl I used to work with always wore full slap unless she fancied a day off. She would then come in with no make-up (and because we were used to seeing her in her glory, everyone would think she was ill because she was pale and her eyes looked like wee-holes in the snow, and her mouth looked like her lips were about to crack with dryness etc) and would be off the following day and everyone would say "She looked really poorly yesterday."

She was quite brazen about it with me because we were mates and used to try to get me to pull the same stunt (I didn't). It did used to irritate me though, because I used to have to pick up a lot of her work.

Her name wasn't Sharon was it????

floraeasy · 29/03/2017 16:05

A girl I used to work with always wore full slap unless she fancied a day off

LOL, I pulled this stunt once myself in my misspent youth, but my friend did it a lot more. She used to use quite a bit of green colour-corrective powder to get that green-around-the-gills look too!

Fun times...!

HappyFlappy · 01/04/2017 12:59

nice

Not sure what you mean Pixie - it may depend where in the country you live, but here "full slap" is a general term for having full make up on, and to just a bit of lippy and mascara. I used to wear full slap myself.

Would you be happier if I said "was always fully made-up, with foundation, blusher, shaper, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick and liner"? I can do that if you like. And of course it gave her confidence and made her feel better about herself. Why else would any of us wear it?

She wasn't so under confident that she was afraid to come in unadorned when it suited her though.

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