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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that calling hair 'mousy' is an insult, not a description of the colour

194 replies

JustT · 28/03/2017 16:28

My daughter has beautiful long hair that I call 'golden brown'. It was blonde as a baby but has got darker as she's got older and she's now 8. She's always been really happy with her hair colour and I'm pleased because I remember my own mum putting lemon juice and 'sun-in' in my hair when I was a kid to desperately try and keep it blonde for longer. I want my daughter to be happy with her hair as it is. So I was a bit upset when she was having her hair cut last week and the hairdresser said that her hair was 'mousy'. This doesn't sound like a colour to me, it actually sounds like an insult and a way of saying that it is an unattractive colour. Since then my daughter's actually said that she doesn't like having 'mousy' hair and that it isn't a nice colour. I'm so upset as she's never expressed this before and I want her to have confidence in her appearance. Not sure what to do now or whether to speak to the hairdresser about it. Surely she should know that this isn't a nice way to describe a little girl's hair, or even a neutral description of colour. It's an insult right?

OP posts:
shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 28/03/2017 20:15

Sounds to me like you are overreacting

My hair is naturally mousy (I have it highlighted), and I imagine that in the UK it is probably one of the most common natural hair colours

There's no denying that mousy isn't as exciting as auburn, raven, chestnut or blonde but who cares? It's just hair colour!

YABU in making such a big deal of this and seemingly enabling your DD to be so upset over something so trivial

Ladykluck · 28/03/2017 20:20

Someone once called my hair mousey and I've been dying it ever since. That was eight years ago.

goose1964 · 28/03/2017 20:46

I hate the term mousey, but I,m not blonde, nor brunette or red, I seem to be a mix of all 3 with blonde and red dominating.Wouk love a better term

verytiredmummy1 · 28/03/2017 20:48

Never heard it as an insult. I think that colour hair is lovely!

IloveBanff · 28/03/2017 20:48

Tell your daughter that mousy is another word for ash brown (which it is) then next time you're in a shop that sells hair colour you can point out all the boxes with ash brown on them and tell her that people buy them so their hair can be the same colour as hers.

ohdoadoodoo · 28/03/2017 20:51

I'd take it as an insult too. I think you should write a complaint to the hairdresser.

That would be the most ridiculous complaint ever.

OP I think you're overreacting massively and YABU to so much value on the colour of hair Confused

mrwalkensir · 28/03/2017 20:56

when I was young, most UK women were mouse brown as that is the main UK colouring - now most of them are blonde due to an improvement in hair colouring products Smile

TheProblemOfSusan · 28/03/2017 20:57

It is a negative, because people use it to mean a nondescript flat brown. Hairdressers use it to mean "so you should pay me £70 every six weeks for the rest of your life to be brunette, or £150 for a really good blonde".

People - thanks auburn mother - calling me mousy is why I dyed my hair for donkeys years. When I finally grew it out, I discovered that it's not mouse at all, it's a nice selection of browns and a bit of red tint in some lights.

Any way OP, your daughter might be like me - if it's darkening from blonde it may well get darker still and the colour might layer up a bit. Though mine has lovely grey streaks now!

Mermaidinthesea · 28/03/2017 21:01

My hair is mousey, it is an extremely boring and non descript brown with apparently no natural high or low lights. Is why it is always dyed blond. Your daughters hair doesn't sound like that, your hairdresser is very rude. I'd get a new hairdresser who dioesn't see fit to pass horrible personal comments and tell her why you are leaving.

Jux · 28/03/2017 21:04

Ask Google for mousy brownn hair. Your dd won't be disappointed.

NeonFlamingo · 28/03/2017 21:11

YANBU. I would definitely see 'mousy' as an insult. My mum used it to describe my hair when I was little and it definitely wasn't meant in a good way, as a result I haven't had my hair my natural colour since my mid teens! I think it's an odd descriptor for the hairdresser to use and I'd probably think about going elsewhere. I'm surprised to see so many people thinking it's neutral!

RoboticSealpup · 28/03/2017 21:15

Your DD is lucky. I dye my hair mousy dark ash blonde, as I hate the brassiness of my natural yellow mid-blonde. Anything warm makes my face look flushed. I LOVE ash colours. They're actually quite unusual to see, as most people choose to dye their hair in warm colours that make their faces look pink .

But I would still be a bit annoyed if someone called me mousy, so Yanbu.

ZombieApocalips · 28/03/2017 21:32

My kids would consider it bad as most people don't like rodents. I call their hair light brown (they are not keen on the description dirty blonde either )

Original poster
JustT · 29/03/2017 00:03

Ok so mix of opinions - but lots of views seem to think I'm upset because I think it's not a nice colour and that's just not the case. Light brown, brown, golden brown, any of those could describe her hair accurately and that's fine. But as has been pointed out, mouse means dull - 'your hair is dull brown' is clearly an insult even if it's true, so why is it ok to say 'your hair is mousey brown' when it means the same thing?

OP posts:
Botanicbaby · 29/03/2017 00:25

I think you're getting too worked up about it. Take a step back. There's worse things that can happen. YABU.

It sounds like your DD picked up cues & negative connotations over this from you. Appearance is not everything. "Mousey" as a colour description from a hairdresser sounds fine. "Golden brown" from the parent sounds like someone desperately trying to make it not just "plain" brown tbh. It really doesn't matter, I'm sure it wasn't intended as an insult.

SparkleSunshine201 · 29/03/2017 00:33

"Golden brown" from the parent sounds like someone desperately trying to make it not just "plain" brown tbh. It really doesn't matter, I'm sure it wasn't intended as an insult.

Agreed. I've never heard of "golden brown" before. It sounds a bit pretentious.

kali110 · 29/03/2017 02:03

Yab massively u
'Write to the hairdresser' Grin

Very common for hairdressers here to describe it that way, and certainly years ago when i trained so i don't think she just decided to randomly insult your dd Confused

You're massively over thinking this.
Just tell her it's a shade of hair colouring.

Dixiestamp · 29/03/2017 02:39

Another owner of mousey hair here- I don't feel like it's a great compliment but it it 'factual'. My dh has fabulous white blond hair...guess which one of us the kids take after?!

RockyTop · 29/03/2017 07:56

It's just a colour descriptor, really not an insult. If used to described someone's personality it would be, but in this case it's just a term for a particular hair colour.

Stillwishihadabs · 29/03/2017 08:24

My french exchange called my ( mousy ) hair "marron au claire" which I'm sticking to 25 years later.

ohdoadoodoo · 29/03/2017 08:24

"Golden brown" from the parent sounds like someone desperately trying to make it not just "plain" brown tbh. It really doesn't matter, I'm sure it wasn't intended as an insult. Agreed. I've never heard of "golden brown" before. It sounds a bit pretentious

This.

BipBippadotta · 29/03/2017 08:28

OP, why do you think a hairdresser would deliberately set out to maliciously insult your child? That sounds enormously paranoid, I'm afraid.

hackmum · 29/03/2017 09:05

"Mousy" is a pejorative term, though. It's not neutral.

I don't suppose the hairdresser was being deliberately malicious, just casually unthinking.

Roomster101 · 29/03/2017 09:12

when I was young, most UK women were mouse brown as that is the main UK colouring - now most of them are blonde due to an improvement in hair colouring products

That is true. Natural blonde is quite unusual in adults. Most adult blondes are naturally mouse brown but have highlighted/bleached it.

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 09:17

I don't suppose the hairdresser was being deliberately malicious, just casually unthinking

More likely she was telling OP that her description of "golden brown" was just wrong!