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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'you fucking horrible child ! i fucking hate you!'

77 replies

pipsqueak25 · 27/03/2017 19:12

am at dm's and just heard this screamed by neighbour to his young dd, mum not at home, dd wailing in her room, doors slaming etc, dm is worried but unsure what to do usual thing apparently, child is well dressed and cared for, father is a gobby little shit, what would you do ?

OP posts:
Chickiwick · 27/03/2017 21:21

I have called the police when hearing nasty domestic situations - people need protecting and also need to know that what they are doing isn't going unnoticed.

AnUnhappyStudent · 27/03/2017 21:22

Happyandhungry I really feel your comments are unhelpful. If everyone thought like this it would mean no one reported anything! As it stands it may just be the missing piece of a jigsaw that galvanises someone into action. We should never just ignor.

embo1 · 27/03/2017 21:27

Don't go round. He might turn on you or take it out on her. Please report it now.

Papafran · 27/03/2017 21:37

But it's okay to leave that thug with a child?

Look, the OP cannot remove the child from the address. So she goes round and asks the neighbour if he can smell gas? What happens then? He will probably say, no, he cannot smell any gas. What does the OP do then? How will it help the child?

NotMyPenguin · 27/03/2017 21:38

I would (at the very least) call social services and tell them what you heard. Horrific, and so damaging for a young child.

No wonder you and DM are upset.

KarmaNoMore · 27/03/2017 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jcsp · 27/03/2017 21:41

In a previous life - year ago when I was a teacher...

I had a troubled girl in my form, she'd fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, real or imagined. F this, F that , F the lot of you. At volume #11. She didn't mind who she said it to or who heard. There were only 2 of us who could calm her down. My, through tact and patience and the deputy head. We were all a bit frightened of her.

We had the mum in on numerous occasions. She was sweetness and light, didn't know where her daughter got this from.

Then one summer afternoon. I was driving home windows open and past a car. I saw my girl in there and heard a tremendous outburst, you can F off, F this, F the lot of you. I recognised the voice - it was Mum.

We'd always had our suspicions but this confirmed them. However me and the deputy managed to keep her in school till she was 16!

Cp

TheFullMinty · 27/03/2017 21:42

Please please do call social services, the police and the school. That may seem like an over reaction but agencies don't always speak to each other as much as you might think and it's easy for a child to fall through the net.

Also, thank you for being concientious enough to step in and protect a child.

Thirtyrock39 · 27/03/2017 21:43

Police WILL go round. My neighbours (both adults one is carer of other so one is vulnerable) used to have loud rows and police car reguarly turned up on the street to check . Things are much much better with this household since as others said it got social services involved but was positive as they offered more support to this house.

Mumzypopz · 27/03/2017 21:46

I heard my neighbour shout something similar to his niece. But then I had also witnessed said child bang a tennis racket on his sons head a few seconds earlier, and this was the wooden bit! So could totally understand where he was coming from. I think for me, I'd need to know how often it happens, was it a one off, or regular?!

Butteredparsnip1ps · 27/03/2017 21:47

How young is the dad? Does your dm hear any signs of physical abuse taking place just wanted to say that neither of these matter.

Emotional abuse is abuse.

NSPCC are great when you are not sure of next steps, I would ring them for advice as a starting point.

Jux · 27/03/2017 22:03

Are you angry enough to collar him yourself? Or to tell his p what he's like with the child when she's not there?

highinthesky · 27/03/2017 22:10

elendon I think that is a great idea, it could at least diffuse DM's neighbour's anger for a bit which would make life more pleasant for the child and buy some time at least.

What would SS actually do under these circumstances? If he was assessed as a danger they could arrange for temporary foster care, but presumably they wouldn't if there was another responsible adult around?

Sunnyjac · 27/03/2017 22:34

Social services or nspcc. We called about our neighbours after incidents of shouting like that and turns out there was back story we knew nothing about and our call added detail to the already emerging picture of their behaviour. They had their foster son removed after that. Your call might be the tipping point for that child, and if not then the parents might at least be told that behaviour and language is unacceptable

dontbesillyhenry · 27/03/2017 22:39

If you do report it to police they are duty bound to follow it up. This then generates a report which will be shared with HV/school nurses who can then offer extra support or act on this.

dontbesillyhenry · 27/03/2017 22:40

And the HV/school may be aware of previous incidents so it helps to build a picture

MrsJaniceBattersby · 28/03/2017 11:54

It's all very well saying if they are known to the school etc but this may be the first time it's been reported
Did you call the police or SS OP ?

NavyandWhite · 28/03/2017 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenlipstick · 28/03/2017 12:11

"She'll grow up talking to her kids like that one day"

Can we please not stigmatise abuse survivors, not all of us repeat the behaviour. Thanks.

OP please report this. I've been that kid too.

RosyGold · 28/03/2017 12:34

A lot of parents speak to their kids like this unfortunately. I know of a woman who was once screaming at her 9 year old son: "you big-eared, ugly, sp--ticated c-nt" I know we all lose our temper at times, I just found it shocking how she could be so personally cruel about her child's looks Sad

PoorYorick · 28/03/2017 12:34

Can we please not stigmatise abuse survivors, not all of us repeat the behaviour.

I'd like to second this. OP, call social services. I don't know if it warrants police attention because I don't know if it would legally be a crime, but it's horrid and likely to be in a context of something much worse. Social services can advise you.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 28/03/2017 14:30

Can we please not stigmatise abuse survivors, not all of us repeat the behaviour.

Sorry, I didn't mean all survivors do this, but from my work as a therapist, I can tell you than many, many do. It's conditioned behaviour - they learn from their parents whom they trust, and grow up to think this is what grown ups must be like. Luckily some of them can break that chain.

Klaphat · 28/03/2017 14:37

While some people seem to be focusing on the swearing in order to moan about 'common' people, telling a child you hate them is the real awful thing here.

SpookyPotato · 28/03/2017 14:49

user I meant the ones I've witnessed have all been a certain type, not all abusers. Sorry, worded badly!

xStefx · 28/03/2017 14:53

I hope OP does something.
A parent should not say that to their child - its disgusting

Plus, if you let them know (whether it be through the school or go round there) that it was heard he may think twice in the future.

Screaming that at a chils is abuse, pure and simple