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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chubby child- everyone saying she isn't chubby to the mam... isn't that worse?

68 replies

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 26/03/2017 10:33

I have an aquaintance - I wouldn't call her a close enough friend... and she had a rant on fb how a man has told her dd (5) that she's quite chubby. She attached a pic of her dd. Her dd is very upset now of course.
This I think is absolutely terrible and that man had no right to destroy a little girls self - esteem. It was a cruel thing to say and is totally wrong!
However all the comments on it are saying to not mind him she's not fat at all and that she's gorgeous and not an ounce overweight.
The mum then took her dd for ice cream to make her feel better. Her mum was quite chubby herself but lost loaf's of weight.
Don't get me wrong Im no stick insect im a size 12 with a mam bod and think everyone should feel sexy in their own body and are!!!
But this little girl is clearly very overweight at the age of 5 and I'm more concerned about her health really. Is it not wrong of her friends to tell her she's fine?
Are they not doing more harm than good?
She has seen a nutritionist for her as the public health nurse referred her. Aparently the nutritionist didn't know anything when she suggested to swap sausages for real meat etc etc.

I do feel awful for even saying this out loud but that little girl is quite overweight and I wish she would listen to the nutritionist for her health.
I don't feel I'm in a position to say anything to her as we aren't close friends.
Maybe I am being Unreasonable I'm not sure. And really its none of my business... I just feel obesity is on the rise and maybe that's why...

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 26/03/2017 11:55

Oh. I wish I had a bit of cleavage.Sad

SomethingBorrowed · 26/03/2017 12:00

bigbuttons what is the point of your question? do you really not understand what the OP means? Hmm
And no she is not saying you are not a mum because you don't have the typical stigmas on your body from carrying DC and giving birth...
FWIW I am petite size 6 too, flat tummy... full of stretch marksfrom carrying DT. That is my version of mam bod

MycatsaPirate · 26/03/2017 12:02

YANBU

I have an acquaintance on fb (also in real life just don't see her often) and her DD is 8. The DD is wearing adult sized clothes due to her size. Admittedly she is quite tall although no taller than say a 10 or 11 year old. But her mum repeatedly says her DD is so tall she has to wear adult clothes. No, she's overweight.

She sends her to cookery classes which involves making cakes a lot and the child does no sport at all. None. Plenty of people have suggested she try getting her to do swimming or marital arts but the mum says her DD doesn't have the fitness levels to do it.

I want to scream. I have to scroll past so I don't actually say something about shoving the child into one of these classes to IMPROVE her fitness levels and cut down on the cakes and ice cream.

hoddtastic · 26/03/2017 12:04

there are so many people in denial about their fat kids, this is the wrong place to ask- because you get the 'does athletics/scoots half a mile to school at least twice a week/his dad is Hagrid sized/due a growth spurt brigade.

The guy sounds like a twat- the kids fat, you do no favours letting your kids get fat, but there's no telling some people. waits for the 30 stone marathon runner to rock up

Original poster
WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 26/03/2017 12:14

Thank you for your comments may be it's not the right place to have this conversation as I see people get offended just about anything. I'm not here to offend or to make anyone feel it's them I'm talking about I just feel it's a parents responsibility to make sure their child is as healthy as can be. I thinks people are enabling the mum to carry on as she is and fb is definitely not the right place to say it.

Mam bod... every mam has their own version of it. Mine is big deflated boobs and a rocking jelly belly.
Others may be flat and stretch marked others may have no boobs left or a scar... everyone is different.

OP posts:
IHaveAToiletBrush · 26/03/2017 12:14

After a week of change for life health me course at school my 10 year old dd was by her year 6 teacher that according to the chart in his book she was over weight, I think sometimes people can just be mean. In my opinion my dd is not over weight but not sure how to check this. She will be 11 next month weighs 4st 10lb and is 143cm tall.

sailorcherries · 26/03/2017 12:17

whatevername My post wasn't referring directly to you, more people in general and a "if it were me in that situation I'd hate it if Tom, Dick and Harry made comments".

As for the young child's nutrition you cannot make her mother listen to advice and if you aren't close to her there is really no need for it to be you. The mother may become more defensive over a comment from a relative outsider and there's no need to put yourself in that situation.

hoddtastic · 26/03/2017 12:17

your daughter is on the 19th centile for BMI, you really don't need to worry bogbrush

IHaveAToiletBrush · 26/03/2017 12:19

Thank you hoddtastic that has put my mind at rest!

CecilyP · 26/03/2017 12:27

I think the more worrying thing is the teacher's inability to read charts. Your dd sounds on the slim side, loobrush.

Original poster
WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 26/03/2017 12:29

Toilet brush
As long as she eats healthily and runs around I wouldn't worry. She doesn't sound overweight... but as long as she's healthy. Like I said my main concern isn't weight but health!
You sound like a great mam though as you clearly listen and are not in denial. X

Thanks sailor I'm not saying anything bad about your child just concerned about this
Girls health.

OP posts:
ProfessorBranestawm · 26/03/2017 12:40

YANBU but it always happens.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 26/03/2017 12:58

YANBU but Facebook is a platform for hunning and agreeing.

Fine usually, but very awkward when it's reinforcing harmful behaviour, especially when it's about a child.

HalfShellHero · 26/03/2017 13:05

Wando that's a dreadful post, size of a small hippo? Not a very nice child? ...dear God who needs you for an auntie, I assume your children are perfect. Hmm

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2017 13:17

she's very nasty because of it

That really surprises me. She may be the size of a small hippo but she isn't doing being fat very well. Doesn't she know fat people are supposed to be really jolly?

youarenotkiddingme · 26/03/2017 13:18

I don't think people should pile on saying the man is right!

But I often think not responding speaks volumes!

It's the damage all those piling on and disagreeing do that is the worry.

tiggytape · 26/03/2017 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeralBeryl · 26/03/2017 13:28

Sunnysky you sound like a great mum. You've acknowledged a problem and are trying to help DS Flowers

The Facebook responses are unhelpful but understandable.
People see a friend struggling and want to reassure them. Unfortunately it would be better to think about the 'long game' and therefore the child's health-physical and emotional.

I have one person on mine who has a very overweight child. That in itself isn't an issue. I don't know their struggles nor is it my business - what I do judge is the fact that on one post she'll say how he has cried himself to sleep because children have made fun of him, the next post, she'll have made a split screen picture with him and someone famous synonymous with being overweight.
The more likes/smilies, the more it ramps up.
That hurts me for him.

Astoria7974 · 26/03/2017 13:28

The thing is sometimes it really isn't anything to worry about. For example I was 5 ft 2 when I was 6, started getting boobs and pubic hair at 8, and then started my periods at 9. My adult height (5ft 7) was reached by 16, and until then I was huge and was classed as morbidly obese. The minute I turned 16 the puppy fat dropped off and I dropped to a normal bmi within months through no effort on my part.

She might be an early bloomer if she's eating fairly normally.

hoddtastic · 26/03/2017 13:32

5 foot 2 at 6? i think you are misremembering.

lavenderandrose · 26/03/2017 13:38

Mam bod is an awful phrase op. Sorry.

I think we are all aware this little girl is not alone. I saw an absolutely huge primary aged child on Friday and it is strange how you feel when you see overweight children. No idea why.

Astoria7974 · 26/03/2017 13:47

No I'm not misremembering. I got measured at 6 because the nurse was worried about my size - the letter was sent with me. 5 ft 2 and 10 stones. But this was normal in my family - my neice is 5 and already close to 5 ft tall. My sister was 5 ft 3 at 7. Girls in my family mature early.

ihearttc · 26/03/2017 13:52

I have a 12 year old that would probably be classed as obese...I have no idea how much by though as I haven't weighed him for a few years and opted him out of the Year 6 health check. He was 12 last month and is about 5ft 3 and wears a size 9.5 shoe.

He has always been bigger than other children. He is literally solid with huge muscular thighs from football training 4 times a week (he plays in defence and no one gets past him!). He eats less than my 6 year old who is the complete polar opposite and is currently wearing age 2-3 shorts in the garden!

ihearttc · 26/03/2017 13:55

Oops posted to early! What Im trying to say is that just because a child is bigger that does't mean they are unhealthy. Mine is fitter and eats better than most other boys his age.

Ive brought them both up the same way with eating the same food yet they are completely different. Genetics plays a huge part in it as well.

And trust me Ive comforted him so many times when he has been called fat (usually by players on the opposite team when he tackles them ;-).

Berthatydfil · 26/03/2017 14:06

There is a huge amount of fat denying in society and I think that is part of the childhood obesity problem. Also we have the fb culture where people don't post honest comments like "actually she is a bit chubby" for fear of being to to shreds etc so they either post "she's fine" or "ignore them Hun" posts which just validate mums denial of the issue. This also doesn't help the little girl at all.

Yes there will always be the one or two children who are muscular and active but they are probably the exception rather than the rule.

Rather than post on fb about this strangers comments she should be taking a hard look at her daughter's physique, activity levels and diet and doing something about it before she ends up obese and unhappy.