To not be comfortable with current parents as school staff

[FrenchDragon]

When my first DC started school there were two people working there who had children at the school (I didn't know this). Now there are two permanent teachers, plus another one who did permanent part time for the second half of last year and will probably again this year, plus is relieving. Plus another reliever, an office administrator and the caretaker.

One teaches her own child, the relievers have taught their own children. The school is zoned so they mostly live in the community as well. They teach their friends' and neighbours' children, some they have known since babies.

AIBU to think this is just not right? The school obviously doesn't think so, or the board.

My problems with it are lack of impartiality, lack of boundaries (there was an incident with drunk teachers going to a party at a parent's house last year, when quite a few school children were present), confidentiality issues as I'm sure everything is discussed, and it just feels inappropriate.

On the upside they are all very, very nice people and I'm sure are great teachers.

This school is not in the UK. Am not trying to drip feed but as this is very identifying, I'm trying not to out myself.

As per others, I was taught for a year at primary by a parent. There was certainly no favouritism.....if anything I was given a harder time to compensate for any suggestion of favouritism! But in a rural community it wasn't unusual.

If there are issues in the example you describe (e.g. problems with confidentiality), then that is due to a lack of professionalism by the teachers involved rather than the situation.

Where I live most of the teachers, headteacher, caretaker and chair of governors all live locally and know everyone. The GPs live locally and know everyone. The vicar lives in centre of village. All hear lots of confidential information but would never divulge it. All are professional and respected. It's what makes our community special- we all go to social events together and are friends (so if my GP says nothing to worry about, I believe her. We can have consultation over a coffee with a couple of GP friends). The head has known every village child and taught most of their children. It's never been an issue.

DH and his sisters were taught by their mother at primary school. They still complain that she was much stricter with them than she was with the other kids.

Gossiping about SS is really unprofessional. Teachers at the same school as their kids would be no problem for me, even in a big city. Big cities split into small communities and the priest, doctor, teacher, policeman are often locals themselves.

YABU and making assumptions that they're breaches of confidentiality.

I help deliver drama and rugby at my DD's school. SO yes, I will get together with members of staff to discuss children but ONLY within the remit of why I am there.

"X can't come to wednesday rehearsals, so how do we fit them in", "Y hurt his foot in PE so is going home and not doing training".

Nothing ever gets passed on unless relevant to the other staff.

Very common in my school and all the other schools I've taught in. Never seen it as an issue. (One incident regarding parent governor and conflict of interests, but that's it). 30-odd years ago, DP was taught by his dad and uncle so could get away with nothing! Lots of UK private schools offer reduced fees to the children of staff, so I suspect it's even more common there than in the non-paying/state system.

I'm a TA in my DCs middle school. I only support one lesson that my DD is in and i treat her the same as i do any other pupil in the class because it would be unprofessional to behave otherwise.

I don't find it difficult to switch from parent to staff mode at all and I know very many of the children in the school from when they were very young and some of their parents are my friends. I have never and would never discussed anything to do with school or their child with anyone outside of school and my friends would never put me in such an awkward position as to ask me.

YANBU.

It is commonplace for people to teach and work at the school that their kids are at.

However there is always a danger of favouritism for those children, and yours being treated differently, or even badly, (and it does happen!) When she was about 9, my daughter fell out with a girl in her class who was the daughter of a woman who was a T.A.

She was not in the class our daughters were in, however, she made life very uncomfortable for my daughter; yelling at her on the school yard during every break, and saying she had done things that she hadn't done.

I reported her to the head, and she did speak to her, and it was better, but she was still a bit 'funny' with my daughter. The woman was the same with other kids too. Her child was a nasty little cow too, and became a bit of a bully. It was easy for her when she had mommy at the school defending her.

Unsurprisingly, a few years later, I discovered she was no longer a T.A. and now worked in a local tesco on checkout.

So even though it's sometimes unavoidable, I am not a fan of people having their own children at the school they teach or work at.

If people live in an area where there is only one main town, for instance, then of course some of the staff at the only (probably) secondary school or at the feeder primaries are going to live in the area and work there too. You are being unreasonable. In any case, you have to give people credit for being professional.

And yes I agree that vicars and doctors and dentists etc live in the communities they serve, and are very discreet. However, it is a different story in schools. They are a hotbed for gossip, bitchiness, cattiness, and oneupmanship. Especially as some people who work there are local mums, (who often dislike other local mums, and whose children have fallen out.)

i can't decide. In DS's primary school there were 4 members of staff with kids in the school. 2 members used nepotism to get their kids into all the school teams, best parts in concerts etc. With the other 2 you wouldn't know they had kids in the school. It depends on each member of staff I think.

To be fair, I've never accused anyone of favouritism, just said I was worried about impartiality. Which can clearly go both ways. And I'm also talking about other staff at the school, and teachers teaching children they have known since birth or know very well and see regularly outside school. I think this is exacerbated by the fact the teachers live in the community and the staff/parents and the children draw their social groups from the school community.

If anyone is trying to say unconscious bias (negative or positive) does not happen then they are deluding themselves.

And I know for a fact breaches of confidentiality have happened.

I can't decide. In DS's primary school there were 4 members of staff with kids in the school. 2 members used nepotism to get their kids into all the school teams, best parts in concerts etc. With the other 2 you wouldn't know they had kids in the school. It depends on each member of staff I think.

That is true 'holdback.' Some people with kids in the school are perfectly fine, but others are not, and as I said, your kids can suffer if they fall out with theirs.

Also, they can (and sometimes DO) use their influence to advance their own kids. Happened in my daughter's school quite a bit (Bullying from the mums, working there AND nepotism.)

I think you would have to be very naive to believe this shit doesn't happen.

I went to a rural school, with only 3 teachers. My first teacher was the older sister of one of my classmates.

At secondary, lots of classmates had parents teaching in the school. It was a grammar-type of school and the only one of its type in the area.

It wouldn't worry me.

In my experience, it is fine as long as the members of staff are professional. Unfortunately at my DS's school there was a TA who regularly blabbed about all sorts of things and put inappropriate comments on her Facebook page. I always made sure that I gave her a very wide berth, but lots of parents sucked up to her so they could hear the gossip. It took numerous separate complaints from parents, over a number of years before the Head did anything about it and the person concerned left for another job shortly afterwards. She now works in a sphere completely different to education, which is probably a very good thing!

I'd say at least 50% of the staff at DC's school have a child there.

It has caused problems for a friend of mine. A parent who put in numerous complaints about her disabled dd and told the school and everyone who would listen that she didn't think that 'those sort' of children should be in schools with 'normal' kids. She was then employed as 1-1 support for my friends dd. Friend wasn't happy.

That's really sad PooTroll.

I teach at a small private school. At any given time there are probably 5-7 staff kids attending. I've taught colleagues'/friends' kids many times, sometimes they've been incredibly able in my subject area and other times they've struggled but I can honestly say their parents have been nothing but polite, respectful of me as their teacher and professional. It is strange sometimes because I teach secondary school pupils I've known since they were tiny but it's a small town so that happens with other kids anyway. I can see it being a problem if people were less professional but in my experience it's been totally fine.

I went to the school my Mum taught at. It was a Catholic school so quite small and a close community.
She very rarely taught me, I don't know if that was coincidence or something that was planned out, and when she did it was slightly odd but never an issue.
My biggest problem was that I was too frequently referred to as "Mrs X's daughter".
As we lived a distance away, I always came in with her and left with her which meant I was in an hour before my friends and often didn't leave until 5/5.30pm - that sucked but I didn't really know any better at the time.

When my Mum got pregnant with my sister, I ended up staying with the Food Tech teacher who would take me into school - absolutely bizarre as she was strict and nasty as a teacher and all the kids hated her - but she was lovely as anything outside of school!

Most of the teachers were very very different outside of school than in, it was an interesting perspective. Most students care so little about their teachers (when you're a child/teen all you care about is yourself really!) that I never thought twice about seeing teachers outside of school.

Unless there is blatant favouritism, then I don't see the issue. And if a teacher is unprofessional enough to have a favourite, they probably would do regardless of their relationships with the pupils.

It seems to be quite common at my children's single form entry primary. DS's teacher has a child in my daughter's year and some of the TAs are parents. Some teachers have taught their own children. I wonder if it is hard to keep the personal and professional separate. For example, one day DS's teacher will be talking to parents on parents' eve and on another she's on a playdate with them at the park.

Yanu. Teachers are humans. Allowed a life outside of school. It is possible for them to respect confidentiality and teachers and parents do actually like to discuss RL stuff and not school stuff outside of school so I suggest this isn't an issue either.

My mum taught me and in the same school as me right through my middle school years. My dad taught secondary and therefore taught many of my friends that went to that school.

Can't say it's had any effect whatsoever on my life.

king, i did wonder why the cook at our local primary lived miles away but her daughter attended the school! i know now.. ( you live and learn on MN)

The only experience I've had with this (my DTDs are only 8), has been in their previous school. The class bully targeted my daughter. The mother was a teacher at the school, and because of this the bully got preferential treatment, and the head refused to do anything about the bullying. It got so bad I had to move and put my DTDs in a different school, where bullying is seriously frowned upon.

I have to add this was a tiny village school, where everyone was expected to bow and scrape before the head teacher.

I don't like it at all. My DC were at a school where many of the teachers and TA's had children in the school and it massively blurred the line between personal and professional and there were all sorts of issues around confidentiality. One of my children's teachers was a poor teacher and I was having issues with some of the things around teaching yet my other child was best friends with her child in another year. On I've hand I was dealing with her and issues in the class and on the other hand she was ringing me for play dates. I ende up moving my kids for various reasons and one of my criteria was that most of the teachers didn't have kids in the school. My teacher sister thinks her school is great but sends her kids elsewhere exactly because she doesn't want to mix personal and professional