To not be comfortable with current parents as school staff

[FrenchDragon]

When my first DC started school there were two people working there who had children at the school (I didn't know this). Now there are two permanent teachers, plus another one who did permanent part time for the second half of last year and will probably again this year, plus is relieving. Plus another reliever, an office administrator and the caretaker.

One teaches her own child, the relievers have taught their own children. The school is zoned so they mostly live in the community as well. They teach their friends' and neighbours' children, some they have known since babies.

AIBU to think this is just not right? The school obviously doesn't think so, or the board.

My problems with it are lack of impartiality, lack of boundaries (there was an incident with drunk teachers going to a party at a parent's house last year, when quite a few school children were present), confidentiality issues as I'm sure everything is discussed, and it just feels inappropriate.

On the upside they are all very, very nice people and I'm sure are great teachers.

This school is not in the UK. Am not trying to drip feed but as this is very identifying, I'm trying not to out myself.

FrenchDragon, the fact that there may be 10 local schools won't make any difference unless the child would actually be sure of getting a place at any of those schools.

There are probably 10 schools within driving distance here, but only one that we were in catchment for.

When dd went to secondary we had to appeal for her to get into a secondary 10 minutes drive away: iirc there were 50 appeals for the same school, but I think we were the only ones whose appeal was upheld. One of her former schoolmates literally lived opposite the school, in the same road, and still couldn't get a place. Even in cities, parental choice is a bit of a myth.

"I just would have thought they would look for a job somewhere else. "

So how likely is it that a job would come up for your precise qualifications, at a school within commuting distance, with exactly the right start date, at the precise moment when your dc has been allocated a place at your school?

I think it depends on the professionalism of the teachers tbh. My friend's DF taught at our school and I never once (either as a pupil or as an adult) felt he gossiped inappropriately or favoured certain DCs.
However, there are two parents/teachers at DCs' current school and they gossip, bully, ostracise DCs. It's created horrendous problems in the year group and you can see the HT and DT struggling to manage the situation because the parents have a dual role.

YABU - if no teacher would consider allowing their own child to attend that school, you would have to ask your self why!

Teachers who's own child attends the school will have a double loyalty to the school, and a double investment in making it a good school!

Also very common here in London. Even with 30 other schools within reach

However rules of confidentiality must still apply. It isn't ok for teachers/parents to be discussing Ss involvement with a family or to be discussing any confidential information away from the bounds of professional life. In the uk this would contravene the Teaching Standards by which we all work.

I've been taught by a parent and attended the school they taught at. Ime parents who are teachers tend to be tough on their own kids. I could not get away with anything!

That wasn't clear: I was taught for a period by a parent who covered a long term absence then years later attended the school they had a permanent job at.

It seems a bit odd to me. I thought teachers chose to live a distance from their work, like doctors (in my experience) do.
Thing is in 6 years they will all be teachers without DCs at school as teh DCs will have moved on.

I can go one better, wovfudge: I have been taught by a parent and (at university) by my younger brother. Both were fine, very professional.

Cory - I'm talking primary (school of less than 300) and lots of schools around here aren't zoned so no problem getting into another school. I do see secondary is another issue. And not really any problem with commute as we're in the suburbs and nowhere takes that long to get to. Another parent managed to get a job at a local school very quickly. Good relievers can always get work around here easily.

I think the problem is that they really need to work on their confidentiality. I'm sick of hearing things via party gossip, such and such said.... Sometimes about my own kid (all good). I found out from a friend who my Dc's new teacher was going to be as she told her at nursery pickup before announced by the school. My friend hardly knows her.

Its not common here. But happy to know that's not the norm. Like I said they're all lovely people.

Normal. We always felt sorry for the kids whose parents worked in the school!

I think its a great thing for teachers to integrate into the local community and get to know families of pupils personally.

I don't think it's a good thing. I have seen situations where the teachers' children have been favoured with the central roles in everything, won all the prizes and where the teacher has really interfered in the friendship groups (at the expense of another child) to try to shoehorn their own child.

I think it often makes the child unpopular too, and maybe acts as a hindrance to learning how to stand on your own two feet without mum or dad constantly on hand for back up.

You're right that they need to work on their professionalism. It's not the teaching of their own children that's the problem.

Believe me Tinkly that is far from the truth at my school. We are very cautious about staff's children being favoured in any way to the point that they often get smaller roles in assemblies, plays etc.

I am very hands off with my daughter's friendship circle at school (she calls me Mrs Goldstein at school, never Mum) and rarely have anything to do with her Key Stage. This may change as I'm taking up more responsibility in the school but she knows, as do her friends, that at school I'm not DD's Mum I'm Mrs Goldstein and as such have a job to do. TBH it's a bit cliche the whole staff/PTA children getting to be Mary these days, it rarely happens that way.

In some areas, primary schools have the same problems with over-subscription (as can be seen from the annual batch of appeals threads on MN).

But as you rightly recognise, this isn't really the issue. It's lack of professionalism, and tbh that would probably reveal itself in some way even if their own children were not at the school.

It caused terrible problems at my son's old school. The teacher taught her own son and he used to bully classmates. As parents we would talk to her and the HT but she denied it and the HT was ineffective.

We left the school. it wasnt a good situation for anyone.

There was lad in my school class whose mum was head of a department and his dad was deputy head. We had his parents for classes and he referred to them by Mr X and Mrs X. If anything his parents marked him a lot tougher I reckon!

TBH it's a bit cliche the whole staff/PTA children getting to be Mary these days, it rarely happens that way.

That may be your experience, Queenie but I suspect it is not the norm.

As adults we would be a bit uncomfortable working alongside the big boss's spouse or offspring. There would be all sorts of favouritism and confidentiality issues. Why do we expect our kids to deal with similar situations?

YABU, they are professional. Do you feel the same way about health care professionals living and working in the same community?

I think it's unfair on the child as he or she doesn't get to be themselves without their parent around and unfair on the parent because of the same reason, really.

It's an awkward situation for adults and so I do feel expecting a child to manage it is unfair. Obviously there are occasions where you just have to but generally speaking if you can avoid it I think you should.

Like I said, I'm not on the UK.

I guess I think that if they didn't have children at the school and live in the community, they probably wouldn't be such close friends with other parents and it wouldn't be an issue.

All good though.

I do think it depends on the teachers and children involved to be honest. It's isn't an issue at DS's school ast all teachers are either currently childless or have secondary age children or older.

At my primary school the Head had 3 kids, if they didn't have the same surname and look identical you wouldn't have known. Then 2 parents became TAs and it was completely different, constant cries of I'm telling Mum about anything and everything. Favouritism and a complete failure to deal with one of the children bullying anyone who didn't get away fast enough. It was horrendous. Parent later became a class teacher. A third parent then became a TA and it was just like the Head, no clue if you weren't told they were family.

I honestly believe the 2 parents that became TAs first did it so they could still control their kids every waking moments. They could do no wrong.

I did think it was inappropriate when a parent was investigated by SS and obviously the teachers knew more about it than the parents and were discussing it at social occasions

That's totally inappropriate and unprofessional, but I can't see that it really has anything to do with having children at the school. If they were going to discuss people's private affairs, presumably they would do it in any context.

My DM taught at the same school I attended for 3 years. Timetables were organised so she didn't teach my class.

It was rotten because some other kids - whose parents probably thought there was an advantage for me and passed that on to said kids - made my life a misery for being a teachers kid. Some of the older kids remembered this at secondary school and wouldn't let it go. Add to that you can't get away with anything because the other teachers all know your parent, and some of them expect you to magically know more because of that, it isn't fun.

So I think YABU and would say please don't let your child feel that these teacher's kids have some advantage because they really, really don't.

It happens a lot at my kids' school with no issues. I feel for the kids tbh - they never get picked for anything!! I'm glad the teachers rate the school highly enough to choose it for their own children and have no problem with it.

Not if they are professional Tinkly which I am completely. I have worked in schools where there have been siblings and spouses working together and it's never caused an issue because work is work and kept separate from personal lives. In the education sector, for women particularly, there is much more likely to be an overlap with children of their own so we know this, schools know this and the best f them work well as my school does.