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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about overnight guest having her own overnight guest?

78 replies

AyUpMiDuck · 24/03/2017 16:19

My third/spare bedroom is listed on Airbnb as a Large single room with a 4ft bed. It clearly states that the booking is for one person sharing a bathroom with me and my son. Victorian semi nothing grand. I've hosted a lot of guests over last 4 years without drama.
Last month I took an advance booking from a young woman (29) who had good reviews - polite and tidy etc. She said she was coming here - her old home town -for 2 nights to catch up with friends and would be going out in the evenings.
I wasn't home when she arrived yesterday I arranged for my DS let her in and give her a key. I had sent instructions by text asking her to bolt the front door etc when she comes in at night. I heard her come in at 1 am but did not get up. During the night I heard her bedroom door and the bathroom door open and shut and loo flush at 2.30 am, 3 am and then again at 5 am. ( I don't sleep very soundly and can do without the extra noise tbh). I sent her a text to ask if she was alright - I honestly thought she might have an upset tummy or food poisoning. No reply.
I got up at 8am and, as usual on a school day, started making breakfast. She came down to get a drink and to meet me. Then this: "I hope you don't mind my boyfriend stayed last night". Well I did mind . I was extremely assertive and said at the very least she could have texted me to ask. I also said: did he come up with you (ie from down south) she said yes. I said well, where did you think he was going to stay? She just kept saying sorry. When I pressed her she said he had been going to go back the same day but then he didn't. I reminded her she could have sent a text even if it was late.

AIBU to want to know who is sleeping under my roof at night?

What I find amazing is that there are plenty of places on Airbnb that are self-contained, or with an ensuite (and a proper double bed). Why stay in a guest room in a family house? I can't work out if she is gormless or really thought I wouldn't notice that she had snuck her boyf in. She is due back later and but I won't be giving a key out again.

OP posts:
berkshyre · 24/03/2017 23:05

FoodieToo, I would never use one where the hosts are home but I've used a lot of Air BnB's which are self contained and it's a brilliant way to get cheap accommodation.

FoodieToo · 24/03/2017 23:36

Hmmn, so are Premier Inns and nobody texts you during the night if you have to pee more than once!!!
I'm only joking but you know what I mean.

cardibach · 24/03/2017 23:47

In defence of AirBnB I've met some lovely people by staying in their homes. None seemed to care how often I peed in the night.
The guest bringing someone home is not on though.

WaegukSaram · 24/03/2017 23:59

She was out of order with the boyfriend but I'd be freaked out if someone kept track of my bathroom use and texted me in the wee hours about it. You do seem a bit jumpy, OP - getting anxious with people coming and going.

arsenalwatford · 25/03/2017 00:05

Totally agree with the Bf, but to echoe some others if someone had texted me in the middle of the night to ask why I'd had 3 wees I think I'd have left myself!

TheoriginalLEM · 25/03/2017 00:16

how does airbnb work? is it like ordinary bnb but different? genuine q

sizeofalentil · 25/03/2017 00:19

Texting a paying guest - someone who is essentially a customer - because you're monitoring their toilet usage is really creepy.

If you rent out your room to strangers you should expect it to be treated like a hotel.

scoobydoo1971 · 25/03/2017 00:38

Having been in a holiday business since a wee nipper, we have abandoned AirBnB as a source of tenants (in chalets) as there have been a few stand-out cases that have given our cleaners a break-down and decided to take 'souveniers' home (throws, bedding, kitchen-wear etc). My experience of holiday tenants over the years has taught me a few things...met some lovely people, met enough awful people to decide that I would never get a lodger (however temporary). I won't enlighten you with the horror stories, I am saving that for a book someday...but have you thought about locks on the bedroom doors of any family members staying in the home? Do your house insurance know you do this...if you have a break-in/ internal damage caused by tenant and you don't have specialist insurance, you won't be covered? Do you change your locks from time to time, as once a guest has the key then you have a security issue right there. I stayed in a B&B as a student years ago and there was a robbery after I left, turns out it was one of the former tenants who came back with his mates and raided the place knowing the comings and goings of people living there. My late Dad was robbed by one of our holiday tenants years ago, he nicked his cards and cash from his wallet in the card but showed up on CCTV at a local petrol station trying to use the card so it went to court. We have so much stuff nicked from our chalets every year that we probably keep car-boots in business up and down the land :-) Some tenants have no respect and leave the chalets revolting...you wonder how their homes are.

I appreciate that you probably depend on the extra income, but have you thought about getting a student in as a lodger...you can have more control over the terms of occupation and they will be away in the holidays?

kmc1111 · 25/03/2017 01:47

She shouldn't have brought someone in when you're ad is quite clear, but I wouldn't leave a negative review unless she does first. Texting her after monitoring her bathroom habits is incredibly weird, and will turn off everyone who hasn't already been turned off by your restrictions on coming and going during the day.

Honestly it really doesn't sound like AirBnB is for you anyway.

AyUpMiDuck · 25/03/2017 11:13

Wow thanks for all the comments and reassurance. To summarise : We all agree extra guest not okay without asking/booking. But you don't like the fact that I was woken by her bedroom door and bathroom door opening and closing at 1 am 2 .30am 3 a.m and 5 a.m and sent her a text to see if she was okay.

Here's an update. She has checked out this morning, left me a plant , a note and £10 for the extra person charge. Room immaculate.

I'll respond to some comments now - 'scuse not getting all the names in bold - I haven't slept well this week ;-)

•sizeofFalentil• Its not a hotel its Airbnb thats the whole point!

Yes, there are loads of hotels but some people like staying in a house with others, having the use of kitchen, sometimes local knowledge required and its cheaper too. I have been an Airbnb guest and always pick self-contained /ensuite.

About 'monitoring' her bathroom habits- It was being woken up through the night that was bugging me. Then i thought she might be ill.

There is a basin in the guest bedroom so after being woken up a few times (and maybe I didn't even hear all the times) I supposed she was using the loo through the night and I really thought she might be ill. If she had a 'condition' she would've chosen a place with private bathroom wouldn't she •RiverRuns*? Besides, my place is one of the more expensive ones in this area so she didn't choose me for low cost.

By 5am I was fed up with being woken up.
•ImFuckingSpartacus• Its not how many times she pees, its the noise of doors opening and closing waking me up
•Essential• •Arsenal• My text was three words "Are you okay?" Remember, I hadn't met her and was concerned she might be too shy to ask for Alka-Seltzer or Immodium or something!! *WaegUk•

Of course, now I know there were 2 people using bathroom hence double traffic plus they had probably been out for a sherbet or two. Or they may have been feeling ill. I didn't ask again because she didn't reply.

•expatinScotland "you 'jump' if someone comes or goes during the day".* •WaegUK•
Yes, Its my home. I'm quietly working. I am used to being in house alone. My former lodgers/son/friends always say hello when they come in. Does that mean I am anxious if a short-term Airbnb guest appears at my elbow like a Ninja? Or if I hear noises upstairs when I thought everyone was out? Okay, you got me!

I like the Bed and Breakfast part of the deal ;-) but not the come-and -go 24 hours part. Hence my asking other hosts who offer rooms in house about giving guests a key . MissmOuse •Hemlock• what do you do about keys?

I have been lucky that most of my guests are visiting lecturers/ research students or on business and like to sleep at night and go to work during the day. My Listing is worded to reflect that the household is rather traditional.

It hasn't put me off being a host.

•Scoobydoo• I have had lodgers in the past but that means I have no guest room for my own friends. An occasional Airbnb guest has worked really well for me - I usually host 5 or 6 nights a month and earn about half what I would with a full time lodger- I have met great people and still have my guest room for friends to stay.

•TheoriginalLEM* - its all sorts of accommodation - both hosts and guests create a profile and register their card details. All booking transactions are done by AirbNb which I feel reassured by - they take a fee for this (insured, reviewed, ID checked).
It started out by young Americans offering a sofa or air mattress to friends and travellers and then evolved into offering a spare room in someone's home and has now become a business for some hosts where they let a load of apartments through the site. However, its certainly not like staying in a hotel.

•kmc111• the Airbnb system requires both hosts and guest to submit reviews before they are published so you can't wait to see theirs first. Some guests never leave a review which is a shame since it is about building a reputation.

OP posts:
ImFuckingSpartacus · 25/03/2017 12:19

I don't think you're getting it, you still think it was ok to do it! The noise waking you up is your problem, not theirs, you have chosen to take money for guests, you don't monitor their bathroom use and text them about it in the night! Even if they were ill, that is absolutely none of your business.
If I stayed at an airbnb and got such a text, I would say so in my review and downrate accordingly. It's actually kind of creepy to be staying in a room knowing someone is listening to you and then texting.....

AyUpMiDuck · 25/03/2017 12:35

•ImFuckinSpartacus•

Whatever the reason, it's a disturbed night- not once or twice but four times and not what Airbnb hosting in your own home is about.
I get that you think it's what I am paid for.
We will agree to differ.

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 25/03/2017 12:59

I agree with ImfuckingSpartacus, it's creepy to comment on someone's bathroom use, I'd leave a bad review for that.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 25/03/2017 15:04

You have to expect noise from guests, you cannot monitor their bathroom use, and I think you'll find potential guests will most definitely agree with me and not with you, if your guest chooses to mention it in her review.
You can differ all you like, but tbh it sounds like you are not suitable as a host.

HemlockStarglimmer · 25/03/2017 15:42

Sometimes we give a guest a key. We always play it by ear and see how we feel with each individual. We have a pleasant woman staying just now and she has use of a key.
On the other side of the coin there was a chap a few months ago who we didn't give a key to and he wasn't at all happy as he wanted to be in the house while my husband and I were out all day. Even if our daughter (12) hadn't been on half term it wouldn't have been permitted. (To avoid drip feeding - husband had to go away for work and the guest was a grumpy, monosyllabic student who neither of us took to from the beginning).

I'm deeply unhappy about giving a key to a stranger but my husband thinks it's ok. (I'm an antisocial introvert, he is a shy extrovert). Also I'd love it if we didn't have to rent out the room but the income is chipping away at our debt so I put up with it.

HemlockStarglimmer · 25/03/2017 15:46

Forgot to say. Most of the time my husband works at home and the day he is usually in the office is the day I usually have off so guests don't usually need a key. Our current guest had a very late night last night so we gave her a key. If we'd been at all unsure we'd have just stayed up late.

lucyandpoppy123 · 25/03/2017 15:58

I would ask her for the extra money, and leave her a bad review. I wouldn't withhold a key from her as she has paid for the room.

lucyandpoppy123 · 25/03/2017 16:00

I would also get earplugs probably as wouldn't want to be woken up all night if guests needed to use the lol etc

kali110 · 25/03/2017 17:00

ImFuckingSpartacus is right, you waking up is your problem!
If someone commented on my toilet habbits i'd leave a bad review.
That would creep me out!
I go to the loo multiple times a night.
If doors wake you up at night then maybe this isn't for you.

Peonyfan · 25/03/2017 17:03

On the other side of the coin there was a chap a few months ago who we didn't give a key to and he wasn't at all happy as he wanted to be in the house while my husband and I were out all day. Even if our daughter (12) hadn't been on half term it wouldn't have been permitted. (To avoid drip feeding - husband had to go away for work and the guest was a grumpy, monosyllabic student who neither of us took to from the beginning)

What's wrong with him being in the house? He has paid, am I missing something.

These 'rules' are why I wouldn't touch airbnb with a barge pole. Texting someone because they used the loo three times? Shock

AyUpMiDuck · 25/03/2017 17:04

•Hemlock* Thanks for your comment & advice. yes, I usually go by gut feel too since It's an arrangement based on trust and its totally different from having an ongoing lodger, running a hotel or letting a self-contained apartment.

•Spartacus* Thanks for your advice.
I'm not looking to stop being a host; It suits me and my guests very well and I enjoy doing it. However, I've never had a noisy 'Up-all-night' guest before - it was a first for me. I only mentioned it because I think the illicit boyfriend was a contributing factor and that is what I was annoyed about.and that was the original AIBU question.

I don't care if they spend the whole night in the bathroom as long as they don't bang the doors at intervals. My son, friends, relatives and other guests (and long-term lodgers in the past) have all managed the doors without excessive slamming.

BTW Not at all noisy last night when she was on her own !

OP posts:
ImFuckingSpartacus · 25/03/2017 17:08

Yes I know why you mentioned it, but you have to understand it was not appropriate to text your guest in the middle of the night. It just isn't.

I think you're now claiming they were slamming doors to make it seem more reasonable, because that isn't what you said earlier at all.

TescoCarrierBag · 25/03/2017 17:14

Maybe AirBnB isn't good for light sleepers.

Gallavich · 25/03/2017 17:19

I rent my spare room out through Airbnb, have had hundreds of guests and am now very used to comings and goings.

  • of course they need a key. However if you want to be undisturbed then keep the door to the room you work in closed and don't allow free access to that room. My living room (and dining table) states for use to eat meals only, nobody ever has a problem with that (apart from one obnoxious family, least said about them the better)
You should have house rules that are sent to them when they book. One of mine is no extra guests (also put no pets and no smoking in case of unpleasant surprises later on) You shouldn't have text her, that was over stepping. Yes they are in your house but ideally they should only encounter you if you are passing or they need something, and you should avoid approaching them at all unless it's really important.

If you're new to Airbnb I'd be happy to give any tips!

CountryCaterpillar · 25/03/2017 17:24

Gosh this hasn't half put me off air bnb!! Surely you can use the bathroom when you like. She may have drunk lots of tea or been out and needed it multiple times. I would have been freaked out by a text.

I dont understand why the man above couldn't be in his room during the day? If you've booked several days or a weekend Id expect to use the room part of the day ad I like to read etc.

How very weird.

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