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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to this party?

51 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 24/03/2017 15:05

A friend of mine and dh's has a significant birthday coming up and is celebrating with a party at home.

I would describe him and his wife as good friends, but not our dearest or closest. We have been friends for over 20 years (met initially through work) but only see each other once a year or less because we live quite a distance apart. When we do meet up it is great fun, we usually go out for a meal somewhere nice equidistant from our houses. Apart from that we don't particularly keep in touch other than Christmas cards and the odd text or email. However, we like them both very much.

So ... the journey to this party is 1.5 hours drive (at least) or a bus, tube and train ride away which would take the same sort of time. We will know at the very most one other couple at this party (if they go - and we last saw them 10 years ago), I might know a few other work colleagues vaguely.

Tell me honestly ... would you want to go?

OP posts:
Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 24/03/2017 15:07

They are your friends. What other reason do you need to go?

Sparklingbrook · 24/03/2017 15:07

No I wouldn't TBH. Would it involve an overnight stay as well?

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 24/03/2017 15:14

No, we're not going to stay anywhere overnight. We don't want to leave our teens at home alone all night. We'd have to leave by 11pm to get the last train, and then there will be a taxi fare of about £30-£40 to get us home after that.

OP posts:
Bubbinsmakesthree · 24/03/2017 15:14

Well it might not be the best night ever but they're not throwing the party for your benefit are they? Enduring a slightly annoying journey and small talk with people you don't know for the sake of your friend is part of what being a friend is about, surely?

ExConstance · 24/03/2017 15:17

I'd go if I could stay over in a nice hotel nearby, but not if there was a long train and expensive taxi needed for the journey home. Could you make excuses for the party and meet them for a nice lunch out on another day?

Sparklingbrook · 24/03/2017 15:20

How upset would they be if you didn't go do you think? It's a lot of travelling and money.

YY to suggesting a meal out at a later date maybe half way between you?

Hillarious · 24/03/2017 15:22

Teens have to be left at some point.

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 24/03/2017 15:30

Mine don't yet, thanks Hillarious. My 13 year old would not want us to stay out overnight.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 24/03/2017 15:32

No, I wouldn't go. I hate being at parties where I know no-one. Yes I can simulate interest in total strangers (and sometimes even feel interest!) and appear to others to be having a nice time, but at the end of the party I am relieved to be leaving.

Pumpkinnose · 24/03/2017 15:32

I live in London - 1.5 hour journey is really not that big a deal, especially if you don't have to drive. Why wouldn't you make the effort for a significant birthday?

OlennasWimple · 24/03/2017 15:40

Sounds like the sort of party that I would be thinking of excuses to get out of on the day, but would go and end up having a great time and be glad I made the effort. I'm sure your friends would appreciate it too

Bubbinsmakesthree · 24/03/2017 15:43

Yeah I'm London based too and would never go anywhere if I didn't suck up long, inconvenient or expensive journeys. 1.5hrs to a house party on the wrong side of London is pretty standard. I've been to many parties with very few people I know where I've had to stay sober to drive home. Not the greatest nights out ever but that's life.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 24/03/2017 15:46

If you invited them to a party and they couldn't be bothered because of the journey, how would you feel?

You know them and yourselves, so if it sits ok then up to you I guess.

I would just go and leave a bit early. 10pm or so.

ImperialBlether · 24/03/2017 15:49

I wouldn't do it unless I stayed in that town overnight. It's not much of a party when you've got an expensive long journey at the end of it.

expatinscotland · 24/03/2017 15:52

I'd go for an overnight but not otherwise.

BorpBorpBorp · 24/03/2017 15:57

No, I wouldn't bother.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 24/03/2017 15:59

this is why London can be FUCKING SHIT

if they were 30 mins away it would be a non issue

Yanbu to feel this way!

ageingrunner · 24/03/2017 16:00

It'd have to be a very good party for me to be bothered with that amount of traveling tbh

Sciurus83 · 24/03/2017 16:00

1.5 hours is not a long journey for a big birthday party. If you don't want to go because you aren't particularly good friends that's fine though.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 24/03/2017 16:00

I would go for a good friend which is what you describe them as

ExitPursuedByUser54321 · 24/03/2017 16:15

I would but only if I stayed over night.

Is there someone who could stay with your teenagers?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/03/2017 16:17

I'd go. Why aren't you driving?

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 24/03/2017 16:20

We haven't decided against driving.

OP posts:
Ihatethedailymail1 · 24/03/2017 16:28

You sound great friends.... Not!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/03/2017 16:29

I'd drive them, show your faces, not stay too late. Your friends will appreciate it.