To think that a minute's silence was not appropriate in school.

[Easternmom]

My 2 DD (7&8) came home from school as told me that they had a minute's silence for 'the thing that happened in London where people died'. Someone in the reception class had disrupted it with a burp - so it was a story to tell me- otherwise I may not have known. However- they didn't give them any context or explain what happened etc- it seems it was tacked onto their prayers at the end of assembly. We do listen to the radio a lot and as they are older we have had several chats about things they hear in the news or at school. However, I feel that if the school are going to bring this up- they really should let parents know or give the kids time to talk about it. None if that happened. Also, very weird for the reception class- and even yr 1& 2 to have been there as they are, in my opinion, too young to properly understand and it just would have scared my kids at that age. Am I being over sensitive? They have never had a minute's silence for anything else, so it also seems odd to single out this awful attack out and ignore others.

I have mixed feelings about this. While I care about people and acknowledge their sacrifice and suffering, there is an offensive and competitive nature around remembrance, respect and the 'right' way of doing things that I detest.

I observe the two minutes' silence on Remembrance Sunday. In recent years it has been revived for the actual 11/11/11. I would respect that within reason, even though the tradition of buses pulling to the kerb that is often talked about with faux reverence died out in the 30s when WWI veterans were still very much alive. I know this because my parents born in 1918 and 1923 told me. People had lives to live.

They went through WWII. My dad fought and my mum was called up on London Transport. I cannot comprehend what they went through. They just did. And when it was over, they got on with their lives. They never wore poppies or attended remembrance services and though those things went on, they were not particularly unusual.

I do - wear a poppy, that is. I also used to attend remembrance services in the Girls' Brigade, but my parents didn't send me to that organisation to honour them and their fallen generation. They wanted me to have fun. That was what they fought for.

The Remembrance thing was part of Girls' Brigade, but if it had become a fetish, as I think Poppy Fever sometimes is these days, they'd have knocked it on the head.

They're gone now, but I really don't think my mum and dad would have wanted a four year old to observe a minute's silence for their sake or the sake of the friends and family they lost. They also wouldn't have wanted a child to worry about things we can't control.

A four year old's purpose in life is to fidget and sing. And burp.

even though the tradition of buses pulling to the kerb that is often talked about with faux reverence died out in the 30s when WWI veterans were still very much alive.

Well that's funny because I was on a bus last year at the time of the silence in a big city and they did pull over.

Because it's been revived Piglet. And that's okay, if people want to do that these days. Iit certainly wouldn't bother me if I was riding on the bus.

But it's not 'funny' as you say. I'm not making it up.

The tradition started dying in the 30s. Definitely by the 1940s. I know that because my mum told me. She was a clippie on the buses called up in '40 or 41. The driver was invariably a veteran of what was then called the Great War. They didn't stop. They had important things to do - often delivering people to work in munitions factories and the docks when the fires were so fierce that the night was as bright as day (as she said).

In peace time we have the luxury of reviving these things and if enough people want to do it, then that is fine. My parents probably wouldn't have bothered with it.

If you have more reliable sources of information than someone who was a bus conductor during WWII in London, then please let me know.

I think it's a highly respectful thing to have done.

We used to have bomb drills in London in the 70's & 80's & it's not scarred me, despite having a friend injured in an IRA attack.

How can it be a meaningful act of respect when you are too young to know what you are meant to be respecting?

That just makes adults feel good. Well, some of them. Not this one.

I can't understand this celebration of terrorism at all. Don't pretend it isn't a celebration, because this terrorist has already had more column inches and dissection of his life than Bowie got when he died. He is every inch the celebrity.

I care so much more about preventing more loss of life than I do about making 4 yos pretend to care about people they've never met.

Every time we hold a minutes silence to mark a terrorist attack we make the next terrorist attack more likely.

YY Morphene.

I heard on the news today "We know he spent time in Saudi Arabia, and also, er, Crawley."

It's that sort of obsession and dissection that inspires others to emulate him.

I think it is appropriate. A school should also observe the two minutes silence on November 11th. The context should be explained.

It's a 1 minute silence. These happen in this country and as you get older they take on a different meaning. Kids need to get used to the idea of marking these events. As a kid I remember numerous silences for any number of things, primarily for victims of the IRA.

Inappropriate for a whole school thing.
DS is in reception age 4 and I haven't and won't be telling him about it. He's too young.
Appropriate to discuss in general terms with 10/11 year olds though but in class not in assembly.

My DS's school didn't do it, they haven't mentioned the attack at all.

As a kid I remember numerous silences for any number of things, primarily for victims of the IRA.

Where was that Slackdad01?

I am 52 and it never happened to me. I'm English but of Irish descent.

I'm with sparkle on this.

My DS is 8. I still explained to him as it was important he was given context and understood what was happening.
He asked me because he saw the copy of The Times on my kitchen table and asked me what a terrorist was. I didn't sugarcoat it but I explained enough for him to understand what had happened. I asked if they'd spoken about it at school and he said no. They had in my DDs class though. (Y6).

I don't agree with minutes silences for every single bad thing which happens, which seems to be the way it's going. This may be irrational, but to me it diminishes the silence we have on 11 November.

I also agree with the PP saying that this endless rolling news, social media dissection of every detail is unhelpful in its sustaining a febrile atmosphere which in turn can encourage more such action.

As a kid I remember numerous silences for any number of things, primarily for victims of the IRA.

We did too

Ignoring the rights and wrongs of the minute's silence, I have older children and having lived through a few scares and horrors and would suggest to anyone with young ones the following:

• if a major incident like this happens, tell your children (of whatever age) what you want them to know before they go to school.

Do not choose to say nothing - even if you think the story is scary, upsetting or hard to understand. They will then hear distorted versions of it in the school playground, they may have prayers / silences / discussions from the teachers. They will be prepared for all of these if they have talked it through with you first.

As for the minute's silence, I think you should just focus on the fact that your child's school is full of good people trying to do the right thing. Maybe you feel they misjudged this one, but the choice they made shows you they are trying to get it right.

See, Allotment, I don't think that's always applicable. I genuinely don't think my 4 year old can, or should be expected, to cope with the news of a violent random attack outside his mother's workplace. There is literally no version of that that I want him to hear. He is four years old and it is just too close to home.

So I didn't 'pre empt' school telling him about it by telling him a sanitised version first. I did text the childminder that day, to let her know I was safe in case he heard anything there as he would immediately recognise any reference to Parliament as being "where mummy works". And when I dropped him to school the next day I mentioned to the nursery nurse that I hadn't told him anything and that he would understandably be anxious if he heard anything from staff or peers.

I talk as frankly with my child as possible, including discussing war and terrorism. But coming home in the evening and telling him that people were quite randomly mown down and stabbed seconds from where I work? The only thing that's going to do is frighten him. I would have been angry if school had decided to discuss it.

I appreciate that to some extent mine are highly particular circumstances - if it had happened in another city, or maybe even another part of London, I wouldn't feel this way. But at the same time a hell of a lot of people do work in Westminster (thinking of a poster upthread who was disappointed that her children's London school didn't acknowledge it - entirely possible there are some grateful Westminster parents there!)
I think also I might not feel like this if my child was even a couple of years older than he is. But I think a four year old really needs to believe that their parent is basically safe, and I don't think I could help him to believe that if he knew what happened this week. Obviously if he had learned about it elsewhere I'd have had to try this, but I'm grateful that he hasn't and consequently pleased I took that gamble.

I do get what you are saying, and it seems we will have to agree to disagree. My opinion on pre-empting it in an age-appropriate way is solely because I feel you cannot control what the school (especially other children) will do and say.

Obviously, children don't need to know just how near it was, the full details, locations, etc. To a four-year-old I might have said something like "At school today, teachers or children might talk about a very naughty man who was in London. Don't worry if they do. He was very silly but he has already been caught by our brave police. So we can all feel really safe because the police are looking after us"

My differing opinion is because I would hate any child to hear about a violent random attack near their parent's work from anyone other than the parent.

Trust me, I know it is horrible - both the 7/7 bombs and the Pentagon on September 11th were extremely near close family members work places. I know of children who heard terrible versions of both events in the playground and were beside themselves for a long time.

I know of at least two schools near me (in London) that discussed the attack. In both cases, apparently, not because they planned to but because children in the class started crying and brought it up.

I'm confused.
Why should they discuss this with parents?

Why shouldn't they?