Mother's day, lunch with friends

[SEsofty]

So it's another mother's day one. I know it doesn't mean anything to loads of people but it does to me.

So aibu to be annoyed with dh, and if not, how do I stop myself being cross.

So, dh had been trying to arrange to see friends of his for lunch for weeks and weeks. Last night he announced that we were going to there for lunch on Sunday. He'd checked the calendar and we had nothing on.

Surprised, I said but it's mother's day.

He then says he'll check with his friend in case his wife didn't want to do it. He checked and they are looking forward to having us for lunch.

I feel put out and annoyed as really wanted a fuss made, and I can't complain as they have said it was fine.

It's really pathetic but I feel really upset. Probably because I thought he realised that mother's day is really important to me.

Goodness, absolutely I would write off this year, and then have a calm chat at some point about what we do as a family for mother's day, birthdays, etc. And write it into each new calendar when it is hung up.

Might be an idea to have a how do we each make sure we are pulling our weight, while you are at it. All the very best.

There's another thread running about what people are up to on Sunday. Most people have very normal low key Mother's Days . Worth a read to get some perspective OP.

And I think that the general underappreciated wife work and child care is a theme across lots of relationships

Speak for yourself, if your DH doesnt appreciate you and/or show it then take it up with him, dont come out with sexist rubbish.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2885713-to-ask-what-you-do-on-mothers-day?dod=1

What do mean by fuss? What would be your ideal day?

What do you do for him on Father's Day?

If you have to demand that someone spoils and fusses you doesn't it take the pleasure out of it somewhat? Surely it's only enjoyable if someone wants to do this and aren't told they have to?

Well, I don't think YABU!

It's not a Clinton cards invention, but a longstanding tradition. The op said she wants a fuss, which imo is perfectly reasonable! I agree it doesn't need to be a huge flurry of cards and flowers, but making the day about the mother, not the father wanting to see his friends doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

I also find it illogical that it would be weird and creepy for the husbands to help make Mother's Day nice for their wives, yet they should be off making a fuss of their own mothers. As someone said, how are dcs going to learn about these occasions?

I can appreciate some people place no importance on these sort of occasions, which is fine, but it's not unreasonable to hope for a bit of a fuss either.

You say the children will make a fuss but you want your husband to also. It's Mothers day not wife day.

What is this 'fuss' of which you speak?

As someone said, how are dcs going to learn about these occasions?

When they are too young to understand it's pointless anyway.

When they are older enough to have found out what it's about, they can make whatever gesture they deem appropriate.

I think it's far more important that the whole family culture includes appreciating what all members do for each other all year round. That's how children really learn about giving something back and making sure someone feels acknowledged.

Husbands buying cards and chocolates to pretend they are 'from' small children is pretty meaningless. So are gifts bought just to stop someone moaning because not enough fuss has been made.

I would hate my children to ever feel obliged to do anything in particular on Mothering Sunday. If they want to let me know that I'm appreciated, great. If they couldn't be bothered that would say far more about how I'd parented them than it did about them.

Husbands buying cards and chocolates to pretend they are 'from' small children is pretty meaningless

I disagree. My little ones are so proud to have their own present to give, it makes them really happy. It would have been completely meaningless when they were 6 months old obviously.

Laguna, it's not sexist to comment on sexism. Are you really going to say wifework doesn't exist, or in only a minority of relationships?

I see both sides. If it matters to you however you should have been firmer and said no I don't want to go for lunch it's a family day. Why did you agree ? Seems a bit passive aggressive

I think a nice mothers day fuss would be over after breakfast surely?!

But if it's something you really care about you should have been more honest.

I do think caring quite so much is a sign your relationship has problems though. Surely if you feel generally loved and appreciated it wouldn't matter?

Why are people being so horrible to the OP?

She makes a big fuss of him on Father's Day - presumably he likes that.

He arranged for them to see another couple on Mother's Day - when the OP reminded him it was Mother's Day (as in, come on, mate, think what we do for Father's Day) he asked the OTHER mother if she minded, without asking his own wife.

OP, it's not too late. Tell him you want the kind of day you give him.

I disagree. My little ones are so proud to have their own present to give, it makes them really happy. It would have been completely meaningless when they were 6 months old obviously.

Fair comment. I meant children too young to understand that they are giving their mother a gift to tell her she is wonderful.