To be pissed off with people making it all about them?

[BeaderBird]

I'm so sick of hearing people say things like 'God, I was only on that bridge last Wednesday' and 'Did you know that DS was in London on Monday?'.

It's the same when someone dies. 'Oh no, our DD's best friend from primary school (that she hasn't seen or spoken about for 17 years) has died, it's been a real shock for her.'

Are people really this selfish, attention seeking and self centred?

AIBU?

Heinousfauxpas I left London 2 hours before the attack and was on the train home when it happened. I had my purse nicked en-route. I was feeling sorry for myself but later when I heard the news, I just felt bloody grateful it was only my purse that I'd lost.

Seriously? You felt "grateful"? I'd be really bloody pissed off if I'd had my purse stolen, whatever else was going on that day (because something else always is). You are allowed to be cross when something totally unrelated happens alongside another thing.

Would you be grateful if your purse has been nicked and the stabbings/shooting in London hadn't happened? Because, you know, there are people dying in Syria every day so maybe you should be grateful because you could have been born there instead?

I think it depends on the person making the comments. Lots of my friends made comments not one of them I read as 'it's all about me'. I know them and understand that it was their was of processing it and it wasn't for showy, selfish reasons at all.

If they have form for always making stuff about them then maybe unfollow!

I have said this as we were in London talking to the policemen at the spot where it happened exactly a month to when it happened but I haven't put a FB post up just mentioned it in passing when we have discussed the awful events that unfolded.

I think sometimes people are making it all about them. I think sometimes people are sharing their humanity and regret, it could happen to any of us.

TheStoic trouble is it's not confined to social media; it is also on mainstream media with random interviews of people on the street many of whom make it about them.

So take a break from it all. Sounds like media is not for you, right now.

I agree with the OP. A friend of mine of FB put up a status along the lines of 'thank you so much to all those who have been in touch to check I'm safe.' (I'm pretty sure she lives and works on Woking and I bet it was just her mum texting her anyway).

Competitive grief is fucking horrible.

I posted this on another thread but this was my fave comment made to me personally

Group chat with a few other people, I am only one in London (I live and work centrally) and we were all online as things were unfolding on Wednesday afternoon.

A: OMG I have to go into Charing Cross next week
Me: I am in central London now, its so eeerie
A: Yeah but you don't work anywhere near Westminster???

This was after numerous posts about vague connections to Westminster [I was there 3 years ago, almost to the day] etc..

People are fucking stupid and selfish!

It is just an extension of whatever makes people care more about things that happen in their own country than elsewhere in the world.

If we all cared about each missing child, each stabbed police officer, each hungry refugee, each animal living in misery, the way we care about the ones in our own back yard, I don't think the world would have the problems it has.

Empathy makes us relate to people who are similar to us (and makes us sensitive to the plight of animals species we are used to petting), but doesn't extend to people of different background, skin colour, religion, etc.

I think it works two ways. You think about you and yours. But then - for many of us - you think more widely.

My daughter had been visiting friends in Central London on the day of the terrorist attack, though would then be travelling on. So there was a momentary fear that she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time - and I messaged her. And of course she was fine.

Followed by a sense that anyone dead, was somebody's son/daughter/father/mother...

I think feeling empathy and posting about it on social media are two things that can easily be separated. I too often have tears in my eyes when I hear about awful things that have happened, but I don't feel the need to post about my feelings. Equally, as soon as I saw the images, I thought of the last time I was at the houses of parliament, but it wouldn't cross my mind to mention it.

I think a lot of it depends on the way you were brought up and the things that have occurred since. My family tend to respond to situations with restraint and quiet, unless called upon directly to be involved. The extensive commentary and personalisation (through links that appear tenuous) does make me feel uncomfortable.

But that doesn't make it wrong. I posted about this subject yesterday and it was suggested to me that I could like/pass on/share statements I found helpful, (the posts that try to put these events into perspective and steer away from religious bigotry, in this case) and that is what I have done.

Respond how you want to and try to ignore the other noise. If someone is being really offensive, I think I would unfriend or avoid them.

We were at Alton towers when the rollercoaster crash happened. After several messages from people concerned I did put it on Facebook that we were ok as an easy and quick way to stop people worrying.
I also did feel it could have been me, well DH as I'm too much of a scars cat for big rollercoaster as he was going to go on it but took one look at the queue and decided not to. This was an hour or so before so with the length of the queue could very easily have been him.

I think things like this make you realise how was it something can happpen to you.

I agree with the OP. No problem with pp with an actual connection worrying about their family or friends or colleagues either.
A lot of people though seem to want to be personally linked to it. Why can't people feel sad for those involved and leave it there?

I agree with you OP, but in the less tenuous cases I can see where it stems from and why people go through that thought process.

I received what I think was a passive aggressive text from a relative on Wednesday evening. It said 'Just confirming that me and the kids are fine after what happened today'. I have to say it never occurred to me that either the kids at their school five miles away or my relative who works a good two miles from Westminster and doesn't have cause to travel through that area would possibly be caught up in it. I'm afraid I didn't respond because I couldn't think of an appropriate response.

I have read a couple of posts on Mumsnet about people who were "supposed to be going on holiday and booked to go on the Herald of Free Enterprise but got caught up in traffic on the M25 and missed it."

Then someone pointed out it sank in Zeebrugge.

I'm genuinely amused by the posters who think that I'm unable to detect the difference between empathy and attention seeking, inappropriate comments.

I think you are right OP it is something I have thought for years.

Competitive grief or misery its just attention seeky - like they cant bear anyone getting sympathy without it being about them

YANBU.

The narcissism of marking yourself as "safe" on Facebook when you hadn't even been in London that day

"Don't worry guys! In case you were wondering, I'm OK!"

A relative of mine did this, and she'd travelled from Surrey to Gatwick and then gone on holiday. Nowhere near Westminster at all. My eyes rolled so hard they nearly popped out.

I marked myself as safe because on Facebook it said Friend X and Friend Y have asked if you are safe - so it was a reaction to a specific question from friends.

I agree OP. I also take issue with the constant reposting of those stupid "#prayforlondon" memes. Why do we need to pray for London?

Of course we should think of and (if its your thing) pray for those affected and those who lost their lives... but the incident has now passed and London isn't currently on fire, sinking into the sea, cordoned off as an anthrax-zone or in any other kind of flux state of ongoing crisis. So why on earth are we praying for the whole City?

I actually find it a bit patronising as it suggests that the incident wasn't dealt with as well as it actually was...!

Totally agree OP. My worst example was when there was a bomb explosion in Brixton, and someone said 'Oh my God, I went to Clapham last year.' Ridiculous. Just count your lucky stars it wasn't you, and empathise with those affected.

I'm with you OP

Phillip Scholfield walking across the bridge as a "show of defiance" had me crying though.

with uncontrollable laughter at his fucking ego

Yeah I agree its fucking annoying, insulting even to the families who are actually grieving or people who now face recovery from injury and all the challenges that brings.

It's a bit like when a celebrity dies and someone says 'so sad, I met [X, Y or Z] in 1982 and he was such a gentleman' erm ok

YANBU

My FB feed was full of people saying 'omg! It was only 3 weeks/months/years ago I was on that bridge'.

It's Westminster bridge. Everyone on the fucking planet has been on that bridge at some point or another if they've been to London.

One of my friends (who lives locally so about 150 miles from London) posted that they had been there 2 weeks ago. Cue loads of 'stay safe!' posts from people who clearly can't read properly either.

It was nauseating. People who were there, people who have been caught up in other terrorist attacks, those are the ones who should be getting out thoughts. Not people who were on a bridge six years ago.