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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit 'picked on' for being 'posh'?

81 replies

muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 06:59

I'm aware it's a ridiculous thread title and I've actually namechanged, due to being a bit embarrassed but also due to quite specific info.

I own a business and the manager and workers are excellent so I only need to go in a couple of times a week to check everything is running smoothly. As well as the business I have various sources of income and one of these is working in a minimum wage capacity in home care.

The area I am from has a strong, noticeable local accent, which I don't have. Because of this I'm often treated with some hostility and also and more annoyingly with some amusement by clients and colleagues alike. I get a LOT of 'say ' and accused of being foreign Hmm or from some part of the UK they don't like, usually Liverpool or London (!)

I mean, it's something and nothing really but AIBU to be a bit pissed off with it?

OP posts:
Witchend · 24/03/2017 09:10

I got it at primary school because I had a southern accent (from parents) in a northern school.

I roll my eyes at the threads on here that say "oh the north is so much friendlier than the south" as they are definitely less tolerant to differences ime.

helpimitchy · 24/03/2017 09:16

microaggressions is it wrong to love that word? I've never heard it before. It's great 😂

I have a fairly neutral accent, but am employed in a very working class environment so find myself faking the local accent just to fit in. Not strongly, just enough to get by. It's really uncomfortable and I don't like doing it, but it just happens.

Ds1 was bullied at school as he sounds quite posh and also has really good grammar and pronounces his words well. He was pretty much shredded at the local comp.

I hate inverse snobbery. It's really quite nasty.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 24/03/2017 09:17

Go and live in Cheshire, problem solved Grin

Although if you move away nobody will ever believe you're from the north, which is a bit sad.

My favourite comment was from a (just so you can get the full effect) very southern, incredibly camp man who said "but darling, you can't be from the North - I can understand every word you say!".

Trifleorbust · 24/03/2017 09:19

I'm from Liverpool and live in the south. I couldn't give a rat's arse what anyone thinks of my accent.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 24/03/2017 09:19

I wonder how my DTDs will get on one day lol. I'm South African, their dad has a Cambridge accent, they grew up in Essex, and we now live in Suffolk. They have the oddest accents you've ever heard! Nobody will be able to place them, ever!

LaContessaDiPlump · 24/03/2017 09:23

helpimitchy I heard it from my American friend - she is a mixed-race SAHP in addition to being forrin and a woman, so sadly has plenty of (witnessed, verifiable) examples to present of the world treating her as 'lesser'. I think the term is also in widespread use on anti-sexism/racism talk boards. Showing my political leanings there Grin

shovetheholly · 24/03/2017 09:24

I get this in my city. I am very far from having cut glass vowels, but I don't speak in the local northern accent so they assume I am posh and 'above myself'.

It is an attitude bred of the fact that they've never really lived anywhere else, so that they genuinely believe that everything south of Watford is paved with gold. The reality that there are pockets of very great poverty in the south is inconvenient for their prejudices. While I'm very sympathetic to the idea that there is a north/south divide, it really is only the most sheltered, ignorant person that can believe that all of the south is rich and all of the north is poor.

LaContessaDiPlump · 24/03/2017 09:25

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks my heavily-accented Chinese friend married my heavily-accented Sardinian friend and they now live in Oxford with their two DC. I haven't seen the kids for a while but am dying to know what they sound like (probs beyond plummy)!!

WashBasketsAreUs · 24/03/2017 09:27

Happens to me all the time. There's 3 kids in our family, all born in different places. We moved about a bit when I was little then emigrated and lived overseas for several years. When we came back to UK I had a strong Australian accent but after moving round several areas for several years I now have what I call a normal accent.
However, I'm often thought of as posh. A chap who worked with my hubby asked if I went to a private school, when I first met my BIL and said I'd just dropped the kids off at the stables (for dog training) the assumption from them was that I must be posh and own a horse (as all posh people do! ).
Where I work there is a diverse selection of people, as I live in a military town so there is always the ebb and flow of the population, and there is a lot of different accents, including a strong local one. I don't fit into any category apparently! I often get asked where I'm from, by the time I've explained as above they don't ask again! X

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/03/2017 09:30

It's "othering" you, isn't it. Markjng you out as a "them" person, not an "us"one. Tiring and tedious of them.

averythinline · 24/03/2017 09:46

Its bullying - I think you should tell them to stop being so f'ing ignorant or the mnsnet did you mean to be so rude........or rather politely if they work in your business start disciplinary proceedings - I assume you have a behavior at workplace/bullying policy ..

stumblymonkeyremix · 24/03/2017 09:47

I grew up in Stoke and used to get this all the time (funnily enough I was also always asked whether I was 'a posh Scouser' or from London which to them just meant 'the South').

Since then I've lived in the south for 12 years now so I get it even more...

It's inverse snobbery.

I remember being told 'you think you're too good for round here' because I was going to go to university in Manchester, one hour away!

BloodyEatSomething · 24/03/2017 09:49

It has to be said that the flip side of northern 'friendliness', or gregariousness might be a better term, is one hell of a conformist mindset. And life can be very very unpleasant for those who don't conform. There is a lot of casual aggression.

I tend to think that the problem is the huge inequality, in terms of money, opportunities and power, between the regions. I tend to have more sympathy for the underdogs, but there are most definitely faults on both sides. That is the reality of a divided country. It's shit.

Goldfishjane · 24/03/2017 09:52

I feel for you OP
I'm not white so I get this a lot
I keep repeating I'm from London and glare at them.
As you're the boss, could you try the Roedean line a pp gave, or say "are you trying to piss me off?" With a raised eyebrow.

vaginasuprise · 24/03/2017 09:55

YABU

All the piffle about a business/income sources etc was completely unnecessary.

As was the info on your job. All you needed to say was I don't have a regional accent and locals call me posh bla bla bla.

I think this is more to do with you and feeling the care work is beneath you. The only one who cares about your accent is you, you're not being picked on. A normal response to the remarks you say you get would be' I know, Lots of people say that.....have you finished on the commode now Betty?'

Poudrenez · 24/03/2017 10:01

I hate this shit. I'm from London, and when I innocently moved to Manchester in my youth I found myself on the receiving end of 'you're not friendly and down to earth like us' type of unintentionally ironic hostility. Where you're from and how you speak are sadly important in this country. And this does cut both ways.

MargaretCabbage · 24/03/2017 10:03

I have a Black Country accent, but it's not very strong (we moved to the other end of the country for a bit and my dad and step-dad had different accents which I suppose rubbed off). When I was working in a local area known for having a particularly heavy accent none of my clients would believe I was from there, and was told I sounded posh many times and even 'like a farmer'. It was never meant maliciously though, usually just out of interest, so I didn't mind.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 24/03/2017 10:03

my heavily-accented Chinese friend married my heavily-accented Sardinian friend and they now live in Oxford with their two DC. I haven't seen the kids for a while but am dying to know what they sound like (probs beyond plummy)!!

Grin Grin Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/03/2017 10:12

I'm from the south. But slightly north of Watford 😉. I lived abroad in various non English speaking countries and came back to the uk to live in the midlands apparently with an unplaceable accent. I may have lost this accent, I don't know. I didn't feel like I fitted in anywhere so not having a local accent sat fine with me. And it still does. When I lived up north years ago, I was considered posh. I wasn't. For some unknown reason, I did have a very posh accent until secondary school where I started speaking a bit "Grange Hill" to fit in. So my accent changes depending on who I'm with. I love accents and would ask people where they come from not to embarrass them, just because it interests me.

kaitlinktm · 24/03/2017 10:14

I roll my eyes at the threads on here that say "oh the north is so much friendlier than the south" as they are definitely less tolerant to differences ime

Not according to my experience when I lived in the South with my northern accent. One man informed me that he didn't mind talking with anybody - even if they were from the North. I have also had similar comments when living in the Midlands.

I think people are similar wherever they are. You always get a few arseholes - however they pronounce it.

shovetheholly · 24/03/2017 10:21

I think it varies from place to place. The standard thing anyone says about my city is how 'friendly' it is - and I am completely and utterly bemused by this. It's not just the accent stuff, the whole attitude people have is quite brusque and rude. I think people mistake a kind of not-so-gentle bluntness and a hastiness to anger for friendliness, when it's not the same thing at all: I find the crossing of boundaries quite passive-aggressive, and sometimes just directly aggressive.

However, I've also lived in cities that are north of this, and they were genuinely much friendlier places, with a far gentler, more careful humour and a willingness to help others that was very touching. So it's not 'the north', it's particular cultures in particular places. My current city was all about manufacturing and not about selling, and I think that has something to do with the culture.

I am from the far east of East Anglia, though, and I think people there are the friendliest of all - people will stop and chat to you anywhere! Grin.

exbrummie · 24/03/2017 10:25

We are from Birmingham(hence the username) we have lived in this town for 20 years . We still can't go into our local pub without a chorus of"hilarious" attempts at a brummie accent. It's all fun and banter but can wear a bit thin sometimes.

Oldraver · 24/03/2017 10:30

Yes we have family in the NE on some of them wont stop harping on about how 'POSH' we, mostly DS talks. I'm from the East Midlands so no way would you say my accent is POSH Grin.

It is very tiresome, especially as they waste so much time wittering on DS shuts off so our meetings you never seem to get anywhere.

And yes..The Friendly North myth. I've seen people be friendly to OH then catsbum face when they hear us talk. Having a meal the other week, the whole table next to us the head swivels when I answered a question and the girls sniggered.

Spadequeen · 24/03/2017 10:44

The north isn't always friendly, the south isn't always posh. People are people, some are nobs others aren't, this isn't dependent on where you live/were raised/born.

Op this would really annoy me too. I've also been accused of being posh as I didn't have a strong local accent.

Westwiltshire · 24/03/2017 10:52

Add message | Report | Message poster ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 24-Mar-17 09:30:01
It's "othering" you, isn't it. Markjng you out as a "them" person, not an "us"one. Tiring and tedious of them.
This. As a pp said, your colleagues are bullying you.