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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit 'picked on' for being 'posh'?

81 replies

muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 06:59

I'm aware it's a ridiculous thread title and I've actually namechanged, due to being a bit embarrassed but also due to quite specific info.

I own a business and the manager and workers are excellent so I only need to go in a couple of times a week to check everything is running smoothly. As well as the business I have various sources of income and one of these is working in a minimum wage capacity in home care.

The area I am from has a strong, noticeable local accent, which I don't have. Because of this I'm often treated with some hostility and also and more annoyingly with some amusement by clients and colleagues alike. I get a LOT of 'say ' and accused of being foreign Hmm or from some part of the UK they don't like, usually Liverpool or London (!)

I mean, it's something and nothing really but AIBU to be a bit pissed off with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 07:53

Well, you're right to a point with that museum but that tends to be moved on from very quickly. We have several Polish women and they are Polish and after some initial questioning that's fine. Because they are Polish but they are poor! I know this makes no sense but the Polish girls are actually more 'one of them' than I am,

I just like blending in. I don't like being questioned and quizzed Sad

The trouble is and I will sound like a snob myself but people just don't really know much outside of their immediate area. So Liverpool is closeish and they know sound different, London they know because it's the capital, but they are the only cities outside ours they are familiar with.

OP posts:
Everhopeful · 24/03/2017 07:56

I've always found the Brits to be incredibly "citi-ist", especially oop North regarding London! To be fair, the French are a bit like that too.

Never any shortage of people to have a go - they just find anything they can.

Factorysettings · 24/03/2017 07:57

So you own your own business, have a few sources of income and also have a minimum wage job?

I'm not sure why you had to preface this post, about your accent, with that information. It seems that it was to establish that you don't just have a minimum wage job. If you are doing that in real life then you might find you are naffing people off and your accent might just be the soft target.

Original poster
muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 07:59

No, I don't AT ALLfactory - that's so not me! :) The reason I included that information is so I didn't get advice from well meaning MNetters on resisting my GCSEs or going to college to better myself Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 07:59

Resitting not resisting, although I did resist them at the time! Grin

OP posts:
GloriaV · 24/03/2017 08:02

Tell them your DM / brother/ granny was profoundly deaf so you learned to speak as you do, that should shut them up.

Original poster
muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 08:04

Lie to get them to back off, you mean? :)

OP posts:
jay55 · 24/03/2017 08:05

I'm working in the town I was born in right now, I don't have the accent. I mention the hospital I was born in when I get disbelief.

mycatloveslego · 24/03/2017 08:07

I'm from the North originally, but live in the South east. When I go home, I'm accused of sounding 'southern', and have had comments where I now live about my 'northern' accent.
It's very tedious and usually met with an eye roll and a 'whatever' these days. I speak how I want to and if other people don't like it they don't have to talk to me. I spent years with crippling low self esteem before I realised other people can only do that to you if you let them. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone but yourself OP.

alpacawhacker · 24/03/2017 08:08

Would I be right in thinking that you work with the elderly, OP? Iwas just thinking that maybe these people have no filter?

My MIL has just started getting carers in and I dread to think what she might say to them. I know she has already commented on one of them with reference to their weight and the size of her behind. Cringe.

diddl · 24/03/2017 08:09

So this only happens at the care home?

Does it have a very high turnover of staff/patients?

Or is everyone forgetting you from one shift to the next?

Original poster
muddyspringwellies · 24/03/2017 08:11

I don't work in a care home but yes we have a turnover of staff and patients. Plus I only do one day a week.

I think it's just they can't get their heads around me being different and the same, if that makes sense: if I had actually been born in London that would be fine. They just seem a tad confused as to how someone can live in the same town and not speak proper, like Wink

OP posts:
CaoNiMartacus · 24/03/2017 08:19

I get this from both ends! In my native North I get called "posh"; in London I get called a "northern monkey" or words to that effect.

sexymuthafunker · 24/03/2017 08:22

It's called inverted snobbery.
Just ignore them OP they are being ignorant and small minded 😘

Gabilan · 24/03/2017 08:27

I just like blending in

Why blend in with ignorant people though? If that's the crowd, stand out from it.

diddl · 24/03/2017 08:28

"one of these is working in a minimum wage capacity in home care."

Sorry, misread that as care home!

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 24/03/2017 08:29

Ugh, try being South African in Essex or Suffolk! Even though I've lost a lot of my accent people still ask me, without fail: Are you from Australia or New Zealand? Seriously? My standard answer is: Have you ever heard an Australian speak??? Coupled with tilted head, raised eyebrows and an annoyed look on my face.

And I also get told quite often I sound 'posh', simply because I pronounce my words properly, carefully, and use correct grammar.

LaContessaDiPlump · 24/03/2017 08:42

How come low-level remarks like this are viewed as microaggressions and awful and Very Bad when they are related to sexism/racism. but are harmless and should be ignored when it comes to accents/perceived class difference?

I think they're all microaggressions and wear you down, personally.

user1471506380 · 24/03/2017 08:48

I speak in a way which is perceived as being posh. I had elocation lessons as a child due to a very strong accent which my mum decided had to go! It does alienate some people. It is inverted snobbery. I am actually not in the least bit posh!

londonrach · 24/03/2017 08:54

People have said same to me about talking posh. I grow up in a council house till my parents bought and went to all the local schools including the local comp and because of my dyslexia was in the lower band and shocked the school when i passed my gcses. I smile and say nothing. See it more their problem. Sometimes it just a way to start a conversation.

Otherpeoplesteens · 24/03/2017 08:54

Inverse snobbery is a very real thing up here in the north. I find it particularly acute in the public sector - both health and education.

I used to work in Liverpool and my boss at the time frequently ridiculed my offers to get involved in staff-facing projects, or to go out and defend the company yet again to meet customers because, in her words: "do you really think anyone is going to listen to you and your plummy accent?" She would actually laugh in my face while giving me all the low-profile, shit, but high responsibility jobs where she would deliberately try to make me fail. All because I was posh.

The irony is that I'm as rough as a bear's arse, just that I grew up in a non-English speaking environment where my only real exposure to native spoken English was through American 80s TV shows and the BBC World Service.

picklemepopcorn · 24/03/2017 08:58

I get a certain amount of this.
I mention my DM sent me to elocution lessons because she didn't like my accent.
Also, I've lived all around the country so don't have one regional accent.
I don't always understand strong regional accents when I move somewhere new.

Mimic their accent back. Round here, a dollhouse is pronounced 'dullarse'. If done gently, people realise that regional accents are fun rather than weird.

FumBluff1 · 24/03/2017 09:01

I moved to the midlands from the south and was told I was posh for years. It gets boring doesn't it?!

passportissues123 · 24/03/2017 09:08

Well I actually am from Liverpool, originally. I'm loving the pearl-clutching at the idea someone could confuse a posh accent with a Liverpool one....

I've had the last 20ish years of my career in London being mocked, imitated, accused of being a thief, questioned at my ability to do me role, pointed out like some freak at a circus....all because of my regional accent and place of birth.

Had my accent been from a different country then this treatment would have been deemed discriminatory and/or bullying. But because I am a Scouser from the north, I am fair game. In fact there was a thread on here yonks ago where people/posters from Liverpool were being mocked with the usual stereotypical bollocks and when I complained to MNHQ they saw no problem with it Hmm. Those naturally comedic scousers were joining in with the joke, just a bit of banter...

I'm afraid it's an ingrained issue with British society, English in particular (national accents of Wales/Scotland/Ireland do not attract the same levels of derision as Liverpool/Birmingham/Manchester). People identify tribally via accent which gives an indication of social class.

Wando1986 · 24/03/2017 09:08

OP I'm posh and from/still live in Liverpool. How do you think I feel? Grin

"But you don't sound scouse?" "Nah, you're not!" "When did you move here?" "Did you go to Uni here and just stay?"

No, love... we don't all sound like we were raised behind a bin in a carpark at the Royal, y'know Hmm