To ask what YOU do on Mothers Day?

[Deedee3311]

What do you do? Do you visit both sets of parents (in laws and your own?) whilst celebrating the day as a mum yourself with your own children? Do you spend it just with your partner and children? Do you take it in turns each year with where you spend it?

My mum lives in another country and Mother's Day is celebrated in May here so I get the day all to myself.

Got a lovely bunch of white orchids yesterday and a tibi and marl bag I've been lusting after. Ds and dh usually make me something. That's about it, no lunches or anything here.

I'm really struggling to cope at the moment.
I brought my only child up alone and have always managed to cope with what life throws at me and there has been a lot over the past 18 years.
I have always gained mental strength, love, guidance and companionship from my parents and extremely close uncle, he was like another dad.
Then this past few years they have all passed away. Two of them in the latter months of 2016.
Losing mum just before Christmas has crippled me but I have pushed through for my sons sake as he misses them terribly too.
We try so are to put a brave face on!
I have continued to be the best mum I can supporting him mentally and financially while he goes into uni each day from home.
He text last night asking if he can go to for a week to Holland with uni as part of his course development soon.
Then he arrives home last night saying he's bought me a card for Mother's Day but hasn't bothered getting me a gift as it would be like me buying my own gift because he has no money of his own!
I gave him £60 seven days ago and he seems to have had enough to buy 2 second hand games.
He apparently saw something to get but it cost £20 and he didn't have enough so decided not to bother!
I feel so desperately gutted and have never felt so heartbreaking low right now.
He has known for many weeks that Mother's Day was this weekend as I've explained that it will be the hardest day this year for me.
I had planned with him that i would drive us to the countryside for lunch, then take some flowers to my mums resting place and have a mum and son movie night.
Last night with comic relief he wanted to bring me into the humour and kept trying to get me to watch and chat about the clips.
I couldn't cope watching it anymore and went to bed at 9. But lay awake almost all night missing my mum, holding an item of her clothing.
Mum would be horrified that he hadn't done all he could to get me something. She always would phone to remind him how vital it was to get a card and that she would purchase a gift for him to give.
This is the first time he's hand to put his hand in his pocket to get his own gift .
I would have been thrilled with a cheap bunch of flowers from Aldi or a cheap paperback or anything.....It really is the thought that counts !
I think I'm going to stay in bed tomorrow now instead, I don't feel physically or mentally strong enough for the day now.
I wanted t stay in bed today too, but having to clear two properties of deer lived ones possessions is taking every weekend and making me even more depressed.

My OH is in work so just me and the kids, usual Sunday stuff cook dinner, washing,ironing, bathing nit check and homework. We used to visit both mums when he was home on a Sunday but I got fed up of it. It's supposed to be my day too but MIL is such a PIA . Which ever way round we went visiting she always made out we made more a fuss of my mum than her. They had the same cards and gifts and visited for approx the same time!
Now I go see my mum on the Friday before with OH and kids he pops in to his mums and leaves her stuff as she is never in even when we phone and arrange beforehand. She isn't impressed that I don't make the effort for her to see the kids on Mother's Day. I'm selfish like that

CjScat so sorry to hear you're going through such an awful time. I have a ds the same age at uni & he is exactly the same (i'll be amazed if he's bought a card) Talk to your ds; he may be terrified at "doing" mothers day alone now. I suspect he may also be frightened by your grief.

CJ sounds sad and awful. I'm just wondering if you ave considered having some counselling to deal with what you are going through.

I don't wish to be unpleasant but clearly this isn't about flowers or a paper back.
Young men can be incredibly self absorbed.

also try and enlist some help clearing properties.

back again cjscat.......young men don't do inference. You would possibly need to say something along the lines of " It's the first mothers day without my mum. How can we organise this" instead of waiting in vain for the good fairy to turn up.

Sorry if I sound harsh.....you are going through some massive stuff now.

Well, I am single, no kids. Both parents dead and I do feel it very keenly when it is Mother's and Father's day. Ah well, not much I can do about it, is there?

randomer I have to say I did start about two weeks ago discussing with him about how hard the day would be and suggested we have a full day out together in the countryside to have lunch etc.
He is really up for doing as I have suggested .
I am seeing a doctor this coming week and will mention how I'm feeling.
I think it's a shock to see just how self absorbed he is, I thought I had created a young man who had empathy .

My mum had/has mental health problems and was very abusive so I had to go no contact and (shhh) I don't have children as I am long term ill but I come on mumsnet as I always feel a sense of normality (well compared to the all out crazy I grew up with!) so like reading about what others are up to......to the op who posted on another thread that they were sad that their son was too small to understand to give a card on mother's day - his love is the most important thing and children are more honest with it than most adults - how many adults give a card without the feeling behind it but how many children do the same with a hug?

ah, Deathraystare, I just saw your post - I will think of you tomorrow!

Bananamanfan I think it's just that I've always been so thoughtful when celebrating the live I had for my mother.
When I was a teen I would scrape together pennies to buy a little token for her or even been known to make her a present.
When living at home I had no money one year so cooked all the meals that day and made cake for her.

Don't expect anything and don't want anything. Would speak to my mother on the day when she was alive but she didn't expect anything either. DP did ditto for his DM. Lovely day for people who go in for these things, including kids making cards and burnt toast but it seems to bring on too many expectations

Just an ordinary day here.

Single mum. No support on either side. Have never had a mother's day gift as DD too young to sort it herself and her dad won't do anything out of spite (despite his birthday and father's day always being recignised).

Minimal contact with narc mother... so that's it really.

Just a normal day then... (desperately ignores happy family pics everywhere...)

cjscat

My 4 will all be home at the same time for the first time since Christmas which is nice. Dd1 has sorted pancakes for breakfast, then late afternoon meal with my dad and his wife coming to join us. There's no set pattern round here.

I will be thinking of someone I know whose lovely 18yo daughter died before Christmas of cancer. She works with small children and has spent lots of time helping them make cards and arty stuff for their mums this week. She's amazing. I'm sure her family will be taking extra care of her tomorrow.

I'll be alone with a feral toddler as DP is working and knowing my luck, he'll leave and return when DS is asleep. I'm ridiculously gutted DS won't scribble in my card or pick the flowers (he's 2) as there's no way DP can arrange that.

Will brave the great outdoors asda tonight so we have snacks, treats and nibbles in for tomorrow. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll make little cakes and sandwiches and pretend it's an afternoon tea.

Actually,a timely reminder to stick some champagne in the fridge - dad had a very dodgy few months health wise, had major surgery but is looking well and still enjoying life at 88. His wife is 90 and amazing. We're taking the time to enjoy every moment we can.

cjscat....take heart one year I got nothing from son for Xmas. As we are a small family it was rather obvious to say the least.

Cooking a roast lunch for my 90 year old mother at her house because she has very limited mobility and also has dementia. I'm sure she won't have remembered that it's happening!!

Both our mothers have passed away but our daughter is coming back from uni tomorrow. I can't wait to see her and will cook her a special meal for when she gets in.

Maybe the wrong way about, but she's done the journey and the main point is she will be here with me tomorrow evening. 😍

Not much.

OH has planned to take our DD (16) for her first driving lesson ( to a remote off road abandoned WW2 airstrip)

So I will be alone- planning a solo shopping trip.

Buggered if I am even thinking about planning or cooking a meal.

Was up at 5am making packed lunch for DS1 to take on a school trip. Just as he left he brought down a lovely card and orchid he'd hidden in his wardrobe.
DS2 has just come and snuggled in my bed with a hand drawn card - a copy of a picture by my favourite artist which almost had me blubbing. And some bubble bath and a scented candle he chose himself.

DS2 and I are off to have lunch with my mum later. I've baked her an almond cake and will take her a big bunch of roses.

The year I had my first child I stayed up really late helping dh some old home cinema family film on video. On the Sunday we drove 40 miles to visit him mum and gave her said video and flowers etc. His sister had loads of stuff from her children. All warm fluffy lovely.

I gently asked if he'd got me a card. He said that would be silly because dd couldn't write yet because she was 3 months old....

I think he's learnt his lesson now! 23 years later I still remember feeling how thoughtless that was.