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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel this holiday

53 replies

grinningacorn · 23/03/2017 10:08

We are due to go on a holiday with DH's family soon to celebrate MIL's birthday, she is really excited.

However, I've just found out I'm pregnant with DC3 and need some honest opinions on whether to go or not. Both previous pregnancies I have suffered horrendous morning sickness/HG, and another pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. We are due to go away when I'll be approx 10 weeks so expecting to be quite unwell by that point and the trip will involve a plane ride and long drive, but then I will be able to rest for the week with babysitting on tap from family.

I am totally unsure whether to cancel or not. If we do I know that MIL will be devastated. It's not feasible for DH to go without me (my youngest DS is only 15 months and still BF and I'm not ready for a week apart, and I can't look after them on my own whilst poorly either). However, stress / travel make HG so much worse. I'm worried if we cancel that MIL will think I'm being over-sensitive and a bit of a delicate flower. We don't have the best relationship, but do get on ok now.

So looking for some honest views, AIBU and a bit precious to want to cancel and should I just stock up with sick bags and put up with a difficult journey?

OP posts:
bathshebaneverdene · 23/03/2017 10:42

I agree with Juneau - you and youngest DC could stay at home while DH takes DC1 on holiday.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/03/2017 10:42

Not helpful now but this is why you need to buy insurance as soon as you book the holiday, so if anything changes like pregnancy or serious illness/injury you can cancel and claim.

Not strictly ethical, but if you haven't been to the doctor's yet about your pregnancy, buy insurance that covers cancellation due to HG today and then claim if you need to. Because you didn't realise that you were pregnant until next week, did you Wink.

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/03/2017 10:42

I ended up hospitalised in Las Vegas while they tried to rehydrate me and pumped IV anti emetics in, then was on high strength metaclopramide to get me home. That reduced the actual vomiting but I was still continuously and incredibly nauseous and the smell of an enclosed plane with several hundred other people was unbearable.

This was only at about 5 weeks btw, it got worse. I was signed off work until about 14 weeks, ended up on several meds (eventually cyclizine and metaclop) which stopped me throwing up quite so much but also made me sleep 20 hours a day.

Nospringflower · 23/03/2017 10:52

Well, I think the insurers will be very suspicious about that so I wouldnt fiddle it in any way. You dont want to be ill and in hospital abroad and then find out you cant claim.

Why dont you wait and see how you are at the time. If you are too ill to travel cancel it and if you are ok go? Noone will think you are a precious flower if you are being sick 20 x a day.

amusedbush · 23/03/2017 11:09

I do feel your being a bit delicate flower about the sickness really you can't stop living your life

I take it you've never had HG then? My friend had it and it was AWFUL. She could barely move from bed let alone go to work and she was hospitalised twice for dehydration. She felt sick constantly and vomited 10+ times a day, every day.

What a shite thing to say.

talksensetome · 23/03/2017 11:09

I have never had HG but I know when I am feeling sick and vomiting the last thing I want to do is leave the house. Never mind get through airport security and sit on a plane for hours, then all the hanging about at the other end followed by a car journey.

I would say see how you feel nearer the time and book on last minute if you feel up to it.

sparechange · 23/03/2017 11:12

BUPA covered me when I had to cancel a holiday because of HG

But given you've got a history of it, and will be taking out the policy after finding out you are pregnant, there is no way you're going to get cover which will refund the cost of the holiday, sorry.

How far away is the holiday? If it's months away, is there a chance your youngest will have cut down/out BFs, to allow your DH to take them anyway? Do you have family who can be on hand to help you if required while your DH is away?

talksensetome · 23/03/2017 11:12

If it is a hot holiday you are going on the risk of dehydration would be much worse too I imagine and could lead to hospitalisation?

katronfon · 23/03/2017 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/03/2017 11:16

I missed that comment amusedbush

No, it's not being "a bit delicate flower." When you have full blown hyperemesis you are barely functional - it often forces you to stop living your life. Have you ever had proper food poisoning - the sort where you are just sick constantly for a couple of days, scared to move any distance from the bathroom, keeping a sick bowl beside you, can't even keep water down level of vomiting? Well, the thing is, hyperemesis looks and feels a lot like that - in fact that was what they thought I had originally. Except it lasts for months.

ohdoadoodoo · 23/03/2017 11:19

Lori you've obviously never had HG.

I couldn't look out the window when I had it as the light change triggered vomiting!

YANBU at all, but I would wait a bit longer to see if you do get HG this time round.

Quills · 23/03/2017 11:20

I do feel your being a bit delicate flower about the sickness really you can't stop living your life

On the contrary, when I had HG that's precisely what I had to do. I could barely lift my head off the pillow without vomiting, let alone work and carry out all my other responsibilities. The thought of a flight and long drive, plus the heat of abroad, sounds like hell to me. I had to miss my godson's christening because I was in hospital on drips, as it was at the other end of the country and my consultant explicitly recommended I didn't even consider making the journey.

OP, you need to consider what you would do if you were hospitalised whilst abroad and weren't fit to fly home at the end of the holiday.

drspouse · 23/03/2017 11:22

you and youngest DC could stay at home while DH takes DC1 on holiday.

Only if she has someone stay with her (or do nursery run if youngest DC is in nursery).

Jaxhog · 23/03/2017 11:25

Don't cancel yet. But talk to your doctor and get her advice. As several people have suggested, there may be something you can take that will help the journey etc.

It also depends on where you're going - medical care available, heat etc.

But do get insurance that will cover HG. It may be expensive, but worth every penny for the peace of mind.

EineKleine · 23/03/2017 11:58

Yes talk to your GP now but don't cancel yet. You may feel a lot better this pregnancy. It sounds like you don't have HG at the moment. Wait and see if you get it.

I was signed off for several weeks with ms & exhaustion and my GP positively encouraged us taking a wee holiday. Sunshine, no work, and a little light pootling to taking your mind off it can be a "good fit" to help cope with certain levels of sickness. Obviously if you are too ill / hospitalised then it wouldn't be the right thing. Prepare to be flexible but think positive. Congratulations!

SmallBee · 23/03/2017 13:21

Forgot to mention, if you aren't aware of him I totally recommend the charity Pregnancy Sickness Support, they are able to provide peer support, sometimes recommend specific doctors and consultants in your area and give you lots of information on the different meds available.
Whatever you decide to do, don't be made to feel guilty, just do what you can cope with.

C8H10N4O2 · 23/03/2017 14:13

I do feel your being a bit delicate flower about the sickness really you can't stop living your life

This is horrendous advice for anyone suffering from HG. It isn't 'extra bad morning sickness' it can cause loss of pregnancy/need for termination and prolonged periods in hospital. Lighter cases of HG will be incapacitated for weeks on end.

However the assumption that HG is 'just bad morning sickness' makes life bloody difficult for anyone who has it (akin to telling people with severe clinical depression that they should pull themselves together).

OP: HG does tend to recur, I had it each time as did fellow sufferers I knew. Not wanting to disappoint people is a bad reason to put yourself in the situation where you don't have established continuity of care if you worsen. I would discuss with the doctor who looked after you on previous occasions if possible.
One other point - when I was at this stage of life standard advice to all women was don't fly in the first three months although this may have changed over time.

BluePancakes · 23/03/2017 14:36

I had HG in my first pg, was prescribed 3 different meds to try and control it. I couldn't even crawl yes crawl, I couldn't walk from the bed to the toilet without getting motion sick; my DH opening the fridge downstairs would emit a smell that made me sick; and in the rare occasions I was able to leave my house, I carried foodbags in my handbag (as they're water-tight and non-fragranced) for the multiple times I was sick. I wasn't hospitalised though with hindsight I think I should have been but did lose over 3 stone in the first trimester, and I was still lighter at 9months pg than I was pre-pregnancy.

When I was ttc no2, I'd made plans to live with MIL as there would have been no way I could look after DD1 had the HG returned. As soon as I got my BFP I went to my GP and got some meds, and was lucky that I 'only' had morning sickness that time. I was still nauseated and vomiting lots, but I could eat, I could drink water, and my life was not on hold.

IIWY, until you know you definitely don't have HG, I would cancel tbh.

Porpoiselife · 23/03/2017 14:47

Not totally sure what HG is but it sounds pretty bad and not a good idea to travel with from what pp have said here.

How long til the holiday? You mention your 15 month old couldn't go with your DH because of breast feeding. Are you continuing with BF indefinitely or had you thought about when to stop. That might be a solution to bring that forward a bit if its something you'd be considering anyway, that way your DH and children can go away and you can stay at home if you get HG and really bad morning sickness. Would you be able to even continue BF if you do have really bad morning sickness anyway (I never had it bad, so have no idea!)

Depends how long you have until the holiday and whether thats even an option for you.

bookwormnerd · 23/03/2017 14:51

I would cancil personally. I had hyperemesis both my pregnancies and even sitting in the car was awful. The supermarket shop was hell and even with pills I ended up in hospital several times,even with childcare and nice holiday it would have been no from me. I would not want to be holiday. For me I just wanted familiar and I certainly wouldent have wanted to be somewhere where childrens routine changed

Nospringflower · 23/03/2017 18:51

OP doesn't have hyperemesis though!

She is just worried she MIGHT get it!

Original poster
grinningacorn · 24/03/2017 06:31

Thank you all. Point taken about getting insurance before booking, though thankfully the flights didn't cost that much.

I feel very fortunate that my HG was relatively mild in the past and I never needed hospitalisation for dehydration. However, I have now started to be poorly and am remembering just how awful I felt previously. I think in my heart I know I just want to be at home to weather the storm and was hoping someone would confirm that was ok too so I don't feel so guilty and stressed about it! Thanks again everyone, you've made me feel better about deciding either way.

OP posts:
ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing · 24/03/2017 06:38

Another with HG here hospitalised at least once a month for iv antibiotics- on 2 occasions unconscious in an ambulance, I'd be rather wary of going!

Lumpylumperson · 24/03/2017 06:39

I do understand why you're concerned and I didn't think you were being too precious until I read It's not feasible for DH to go without me (my youngest DS is only 15 months and still BF and I'm not ready for a week apart

It seems mightily unfair and also very precious to not go and to stop your DH from going. I know it'll be hard if he goes but it's booked now and it's only a week. I've been in a very similar boat, I'll with a serious condition with 3 kids under 3 and DH went on a holiday for nearly 2 weeks. He wouldn't have gone if I'd asked him not to but the world doesn't stop because I was ill and he got to spend time with his family.

I feel for you but I think you'd be wrong to not go and to decide that your DH can't go either.

Go to the docs and see how you go.

Hope the pregnancy goes smoothly for you Flowers

Mistigri · 24/03/2017 07:14

Go to see your GP to see of it's possible to take anything for the journey.

I have my doubts that insurance will pay out on a cancelled holiday when you are already pg and have have had HG in two previous pregnancies. Even if it covers pregnancy related illnesses you may find that the small print about preexisting conditions makes you uninsurable for this risk.

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