..to not want to go on holiday with in-laws??
tearinghairout · 06/03/2007 15:09
My Ils have a house in France. They live part of the year there, & part here. We've (dh, me, dch) had lots of nice hols while ILs were over here. This year, they want to be there for part of our hol. DH wants to spend time with them (fair enough - I've no prob with him taking a week in school time & going alone)& thinks I should chill. But, it won't be 'our' house if they're there. We have a history (basically they don't like me, & vv), FIL thinks arguments are good sport, will pick a topic & rant. We went to theirs at Xmas & they ended up all screaming at each other (and at me & dch, struck dumb)at the table, about some celeb. So, should I put up with it, or force DH to choose? (but he might pick them!)This is causing me big stress, funny twitches, irrational divorce thoughts... Help!
tearinghairout · 06/03/2007 15:26
So, how do I get it changed? It's their house after all. Do I say 'I don't want you there?' DH will say 'She doesn't want you there', that's if he's prepared to say anything. Do you think I should really put my foot down? I could probably cope with it (the hol) but will be through gritted teeth, like Christmas, and am dreading it. Not good to dread your hol!
tearinghairout · 06/03/2007 15:40
Iklboo, will be awkward since they now have the room. Still says 'I don't want to be with you', doesn't it?
Before, there wasn't space for all of us, but they recently added 2 extra bedrooms & shower room on to house. This will set a precedent for future hols.
tearinghairout · 06/03/2007 15:48
Dophus, yes, I've managed to get it down from the whole ten days to half, so only five with them. But it's still making me feel really stressed & them turning up & being there, taking over even, will be hanging over me the first part of the hol. It's doing that now. How do you manage to convice DH & ILs that you need time alone as a family? After all, it's our hol, our money, & I don't want to spend it with them.
dassie · 06/03/2007 15:54
From another perspective......
I have the same happening - difficult MIL spending 5 days of our precious summer holiday with us. I would rather she didn't come but my DH would like to see her and it is important for her to spend time with ds.
If it was my parents I wouldn't mind so i don't really feel I can object because I am being a hypocrite.
In my case my MIL lives abroad so we don't see her too often - not sure what your circumstances are in that respect (if you see them alot it is different).
tearinghairout · 06/03/2007 16:07
One relative tagging along is also not ideal, and it's different from this, me being a guest in their house. MIL virtually cuts up his eggy fingers for DH. He thinks this is marvellous. He's a different person when they're around, even my dch notice.
Gtg now, hassle from dch. Back later.
kimi · 06/03/2007 16:10
I'm sorry but you want to go and stay in their house and you have a problem with them being there. That's a bit cheeky, also telling your DH to go alone in term time, do you not think your in laws might like to see their grandchildren?
I think if you want a holiday with out them then you need to book a hotel and not expect to use their home as one
dassie · 06/03/2007 16:12
Oh my husband reverts to 5 year old too. It's horrific - particularly as his Mum isn't a mumsy mum anyway so I end up getting told to do things. At least it sounds like your MIL will do stuff in the house - I am going to have to everything while she sits in the garden drinking wine with dh and giving 'tips' on how I should raise my child. Oh, and despite making no financial contribution, she is shocked at how much we are spending on the cottage for our holiday.
I'm already stressing and we aren't going until August!
Why not suggest a compromise - 3 days at the beginning of the holiday?
Dophus · 06/03/2007 16:51
I just explain that I think we need precious time as a family. We see little enough of eachother as it is as he works weekends.
I also try to et him to imagine what it will really be like rather than how he would like it to be. He worships his mother I can't stand her. It rarely comes to blows but I end up being on edge and not very good company. The arguments are always between DP and me.
I aree with Dassie - 3 days may be a compromise and just about bearable (it is my limit).
3sEnough · 06/03/2007 16:56
Hmm - hard one. How would the following conversation go down:
'Honey - I'm sure your mum and dad would love to see the kids on your own for a bit so why don't you go on down to France and I'll stay here and finish that awful painting/diy/sewage works job we've been putting off for ages - I can then come down three days later and then I'll still get to see MIL/FIL for a couple of days before they go?' C'est possible, non?
superloopy · 06/03/2007 17:03
I know how you feel. My MIL is taking us and SIL, BIL and niece to Disneyland Paris for 3 days next week. I would rather spend 3 days at the dentist having my teeth drilled!!
I don't want to even look at them so conversation will be brief. I am just going to have to fake it and make sure my DD has a fab time.
I will expect to have an Oscar waithing for me on the fireplace when I get home tho!!!
tearinghairout · 06/03/2007 21:14
Hmm, 3 days at the beginning would be better but not poss I think, as they have friends coming after us - can't tell them to b*gger off for three days, can I? One thing I have to say - MIL is not 'mumsy' either, apart from worshipping DH. She's Penelope Keith crossed with Mrs Thatcher. The dch will be in the way, I can guarantee it. The house is in the middle of nowhere, two hours from a beach, so we take them to swimming pool etc., stuff ILs won't be interested in. They want to see DH so they can do gourmet meals/wine with him, look at chateaux & talk about his work, not play with their gch. I'll be left, carless, to entertain dch. I don't drive over there now, after 2 slight wrong-side-of road mishaps which thankfully only resulted in 2 Frenchmen on tranquillisers. Will have to think more about this. DH not speaking to me at the moment - is irate that I'm not giving in. I don't want to set a precedent for future hols. My SIL, I must add, has no prob telling her parents that she won't holiday with them. Her DH doesn't get on with them either. (For those who don't know Penelope Keith, she's a snob version of Gillian McKeith, but in a kaftan.)
tearinghairout · 07/03/2007 20:51
Just thought I'd let you know I've decided to go with Dophus & Xenia's sage advice; have clenched teeth, buttocks & everything else, and have negotiated a three-day overlap. DH has made a solemn pledge that this will be the only time. (If he tries this again there'll be no more 'five minute marriage fixes' for him!)He's going to go on his own too at some point. Perhaps two bored teenagers cluttering up their house will put off the ILs too.
Superloopy hope you enjoy Disneyland I suggest plenty of ipods etc for the journey so you don't have to talk.
Hulababy · 07/03/2007 20:54
Glad you sorted out a suitable compromise between you all.
We are going on holiday with inlaws this summer for two weeks. We all get on really well though Have been on holiday with them for a week previously. And hvae been on holidays with my parents - to Disneyworld - a couple of times also. Never been a problem for us as we all get on really well and are allwilling to be flexible.
DrDaddy · 08/03/2007 20:42
Sounds like you've got the right advice. I was interested in this thread because your FIL sounds exactly like my own father. We too had a pretty horrendous Xmas staying with them. DW actually walked out and left for a few hours on Xmas eve (my mother is dead, so it's a step-mother situation too, though she's essentially very nice). But we have the ranting situations as well. Get this: my father trying to lecture DS1 (2.5) about what society is? WTF? There's no way we'd stay with them on their own turf again for a LONG time....
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.