To be so humiliated about the fact I have achieved nothing with my life?

[FlinchGirl]

And I really mean nothing.

I'm 24 and I still live at home with my parents. I have never had a full time job, I have only worked in dead end part time catering jobs. I want an admin assistant job and a full time one at that but I never even get to the interview stage. I have had interviews for jobs in retail and for bar work but they all end in rejection.

I feel like such a screw up because I have done nothing with my life. I have no friends and have never really had them. I have never had a boyfriend.

I am currently studying with the open university and I will get a BA (Hons) degree at the end of it assuming I manage to complete it but I'm not sure how it will be viewed. I will be at least 27 by the time I finish it and I don't know if it will be too late to start a career in my late 20s

I feel so sad because everyone else my age is out there enjoying their careers, getting married, having babies and just generally out having fun and living their lives. Yet here's me who is still working part time in catering at the age of 24 whilst studying online part time and living at home with no life whatsoever and in desperate need to lose weight.

Have I completely screwed my life up?

Fucking hell - politics, philosophy and economics? That's pretty full on - you're not exactly backing away from a challenge, are you?

You're 24. Please please don't think I'm being patronising but you're still so young. Your life is ahead of you!

Volunteering is an excellent way of getting into a job that you enjoy. But don't rule anything out- try a variety of things, not just what you think you're going to be good at. Because the truth of it is you're going to be good at lots of things, some of which you wouldn't normally consider in a million years.

When I first tried uni I decided on English literature with sociology. Took my 2 favourite subjects and decided that I would just find something afterwards that I'd enjoy doing because, well, I was good at English and sociology and anything I could do connected with them would be a good thing. But everything then went tits up and I dropped out.

I then started working in a TOTALLY different field, and a year later I went to uni to do something really specialised. Suddenly I realised I wasn't just good at English and sociology.

The degree you're doing sounds brilliantly diverse and could open a lot of doors for you. Don't tie yourself down to just looking at one area (admin) - you might find there is an area that you would enjoy even more. So if you're going to volunteer, cast your net far and wide; you never know what's out there!

Keep going with your degree, having one opens up so many more doors. Do try to get some work experience, I got some whilst full time at Uni working part time in Sainsburys. I emailed a number of companies in the field I was interested in and managed to get some.

It allowed me to see what I wanted to do with my life, I'm now 23 about to start my second job after graduation. It gets so much easier, once you have the foot in the door it's easier to find work!
I still don't really know what I want to do yet, but it's fun to get these new opportunities!

You're still young. I was in full-time work from when I left school but there was full employment then - you could walk out of a job on Friday and easily get another on the Monday. Times have certainly changed since then.

I didn't really get a proper boyfriend until I was nearly 25 when I met my husband-to-be at work.

I've never really had a proper career, just 'jobs' and believe it or not, I was supposed to be the 'clever' one in our family.

Have you/has anyone tried the National Careers Service site? They seem to have a bank of assessments to try to help figure out what you'd be good at. I just did a brief version and it didn't shock me very much, but it might help guide you.
PPE is a fairly broad course, isn't it? (I could be wrong) Isn't that the degree that all sorts of people with all sorts of important jobs have? If so, then that's a good start! And if you don't want a high-flying job then it's a great, mind-expanding course and so many places still want a degree for most jobs that you'll feel the benefit either way.

You don't necessarily have to do volunteer work to get admin experience.

Try out a few different social activities (lots of clubs etc offer free taster sessions). Once you've found something you enjoy and got your face known, there will be lots of opportunities to help with admin. Social groups are always desperate for that kind of help and the people already running them usually enjoy passing on skills - esp if it helps spread the load.
This way you extend your social group and gather skills on the way.

If you want to be a writer, polish up your writing skills. One of the problems with academic writing is that encourages flabbiness. Padding out essays may be helpful now, but professional writing requires concision.
Again, you can use social activities to hone writing skills. Offer to 'write up' events for newsletters etc - having a real audience teaches you to write efficiently and maintain audience interest.

Snot

Don't worry, just keep following your dreams and be ardent in your efforts. These will be rewarded. Your experience of feeling a failure will make you much more of a person than your contemporaries in the future. Keep at it!

Hi,

You're not the underachiever you think you are. Not at all. You have part time work and you're studying for a very desirable qualification.
But it does sound as though you need to move out of your parents' house. You're not your mother's keeper. You're young and single.

Why don't you make some lists of things you'd like to do, a Big List of major life achievements and projects, but also a small fun list of things to try every day that don't cost much time or supernatural effort. Just starting to do things that interest you and make you happy will kick-start you out of the rut, and give you the energy to look into getting a job you want. PPE is a great set of skills.

Is there a political party you would be interested in joining and volunteering for? Might fit nicely with your degree?

Right. Stop listening to your family, for a start. All they seem to do is guilt trip you and put you down. You don't need their approval. You only get one life, if you like your degree sod what everyone else thinks. Your dad shouldn't be making you feel responsible for your mum.

Seems like you are a bit depressed and I reckon this comes from feeling unhappy with your weight or appearance and feeling lonely. So attack both. Start going running or walking a few times a week. Look for Facebook groups to join of people
In your area with similar interests. Join slimming world and get involved in the social aspect.

Regarding the jobs/ study situation - with the OU isn't it possible to take some modules more quickly to speed the process up? An OU degree is regarded just as well as one achieved through the regular way.

And why not try signing up for online dating if you feel lonely? Put yourself out in the world OP. you've got a lot of convenient reasons to keep you from doing so. I'm not saying you're doing it on purpose but sometimes we box ourselves in and it's hard to break out. You're 24, you've your whole life ahead of you. But it is yours for the taking. It won't just come to you.

I don't think you are a failure at all.
I have a degree from the open university, and it has opened a lot of doors work wise and academically.
If you want to work in admin, your best bet is to look for some volunteering, where do you live? Round here we have a volunteering trust that helps find opportunities. Do you want to PM me? I may be able to find something for you.
Even a few hours a week, with your studying will help you.
Then, in six months you can apply for jobs. You will probably need help with your cv and cover letters. I would love to say, sign on and the job centre will help, but they probably won't!
You need to start sAyin no to your dad, and ignoring them when they are mean.
Look into local house shares, and look into money you can get to help you.

It is going to take strength, this is what I do professionally, so if you want help, message me. :)

I didn't really get started until I was 25 or so. I'm 36 now. Had one good career, done the sahm thing, and now I'm re-training for my second career. Thinking you've missed the boat at 24 is ludicrous, frankly.

You're only 24!

Corny as this will probably sound, at my low point I realised that I was thinking about all the things I "couldn't" do. I made a conscious choice then to stop thinking "I can't do that" and start thinking "Why can't I do that? What's stopping me?"

And getting the break that led to my new career was luck as much as anything else. One of the many agencies I'd signed up to emailed about a company urgently (as in interview tomorrow and start next week) needing a temp in an area I had some experience in.

The short notice apparently meant just two of us interviewed so minimal competition. Then after I'd been there a couple of months it developed into a full time job. And I'm over 40. So there are opportunities out there, you just need to look out for them and do everything you can to grab them when they appear.

Just wanted to say that you are not responsible for your parents!

It sounds like your mother has belittled you- for instance when she made fun of your a-level choices (which were great choices, but the way). I know she has a disability, and of course you love her and want to help her, but this is not your responsibility and you should not be helping her at the expense of your own life and happiness. Your father is guilt-tripping you when he should be filling you with self-confidence. Both of them are making you feel that they are disappointed in you.

I think you are doing amazingly, and you are so young! Everything is possible for you, and I bet that you are belittling yourself because your parents didn't do enough to fill you with confidence. Screw that!

You're only 24 and are doing PPE through the the OU . For the love of fuck, you are so far away from being an under-achiever it's unbelievable! That takes some amount of drive and determination, and you're doing it under some pretty difficult home circumstances. You should be applauding yourself rather than doing yourself down!

You're 24 hon!! You've got tons of time!!

Ha! I'm on the opposite end of the story:

At 24, I was on top of the world. I was engaged to the man I loved, graduating postgrad, about to embark on a high-paying career yada yada yada. A few years later -in my early thirties- we had (still have!) two beautiful smart children, our own home etc. I am not exaggerating when I say younger women told me they looked up to me, were inspired by me - I had money, a career, family, etc. I was pretty and slim, smart and confident. I was probably the kind of person you would look at now and feel envious.

Sometime around eight years ago things started to go wrong. My ExH started to become physically abusive, moody and generally unreliable. At first I was in denial it was happening. I also made some "wrong" career choices (follow your heart not your head type of thing) and changed my field of work- my previous field proving very stressful and travel-heavy, and I felt it was causing my family troubles. I still was able to get jobs, but it wasn't the great career path I had in my twenties. I started retraining for another career.

Fast forward to now- I am now 42 years old. I have spent a packet of money on divorce and legal proceedings trying to get rid of my crazy X- basically draining my savings. I have a contract until September, and after that no job. I have been applying for jobs and not even one callback. The latest vacancy sent me a form letter saying over 400 people had applied for that position.

I have no child support from the X- he has moved to another country. I have no close family in the city I currently live in, and the children aren't allowed to travel (both parents have to agree for them to travel, and we are in no contact with the father. The divorce bureaucracy is a whole other level of crazy). Once my current job is over in Sept, we will have no benefits, no extended insurance, no salary.

I am facing a future where I have to get my children through their teen years with no support, and an insecure financial situation. When I think about the future my insides shrivel with fear. It's one thing to be responsible for yourself and then feel as if you have failed yourself. It's another thing to think about your hopeful bright lovely children and their future and feel you have failed them and have their futures weighing on you.

Anyway, not sure why I shared my life story with you- not sure if it will make you feel better!! Just to let you know- things never are what they seem they are, and will never remain the same.

I got married at 24.i wish I hadn't!
I wish I'd trained for the career I wanted, done some travelling and enjoyed myself more. You may not see it but You are in a fortunate position OP-there is nothing stopping you doing any of those things!
Even better you live with your mum and dad.You aren't tied down by a mortgage.
Are you keen on whatever you are studying? Is there a clear career path you can follow with it?
If no then my advice is to stop, find something you are interested in with a clear focussed career path, apply for that and do it.Meanwhile save whatever cash you are making from the part time job and get yourself an inter rail ticket in the summer-and just go-see Europe. Or go farther afield.... You won't regret it.

Sweet pea,you are at the very start of yr life.you have years to have a career,husband and family....start by thinking what you enjoy ,like a night class or art class or get fit class..get out and meet people,say yes to every opportunity that comes yr way... start looking for a part time job to compliment yr studying,something where you have to talk to people ,and something you've not done before...

You are still really young.plenty of time to do stuff, put a plan in place and go for it

Ok here's my advice FWIW. You are going to be 27. You have choice to be 27 with a degree or 27 without a degree. Either way you're gonna reach that age- so bloody we'll get there with a bit fat degree under your belt. Caring for relatives with illnesses IS A JOB. Sorry I'm telling in capital letters. You are doing three things sweetheart, two jobs and a degree part time. Give yourself a break. Massive hugs and flowers to you. Keep on keeping on.

After you finish your degree you could go and teach in Japan or China for a year or more. You dont need teaching quals and they usually provide everything. The students are very easy to work with and the classes are usually small.I did this after uni and it was a great way to gain confidence and meet people. I am naturally a shy person too. Good luck - you are still young!

24 is still a baby. You have a lifetime ahead yet. Just think one step ahead and it will work itself out. I think once you get the job the rest will come. Could you do an evening course? Just to get out the house and meet people. Keep your chin up!

Flinch, you need to have a word with yourself! There is no way you are a failure or underachiever!

First of all, a degree from the OU has the same value and standing as if you went to university. I have been teaching in a university, and let me tell you the OU degrees are harder in respect of being on your own rather than being in a class of students. I have emmence respect for anyone that studies through the OU as it takes a lot of strength and determination.

Now, you have chosen a really interesting and valuable degree to study. Have a look at the Government's Fast Stream website. Fantastic opportunities for graduates in a wide range of career options, including overseas.

There is a mass of brilliant advice on this thread to consider, but the key thing is you have got to start believing in yourself.
Best of luck

I work for a charity. We have a steady stream of young people coming to us for admin experience. They seem to find work at a steady rate.

A word of advice about the "dead end jobs." No job is so "dead end" that you can't be proud of doing it well. And do whatever you are doing to the best of your abilities, even if it's not your life's ambition. Being positive about what you're doing is a very attractive trait in the job market. As is ambition (as long as you're not one of those idiots who sits there in interviews going "in 3 years I want to be doing your job" to the M.D.).