To be so humiliated about the fact I have achieved nothing with my life?

[FlinchGirl]

And I really mean nothing.

I'm 24 and I still live at home with my parents. I have never had a full time job, I have only worked in dead end part time catering jobs. I want an admin assistant job and a full time one at that but I never even get to the interview stage. I have had interviews for jobs in retail and for bar work but they all end in rejection.

I feel like such a screw up because I have done nothing with my life. I have no friends and have never really had them. I have never had a boyfriend.

I am currently studying with the open university and I will get a BA (Hons) degree at the end of it assuming I manage to complete it but I'm not sure how it will be viewed. I will be at least 27 by the time I finish it and I don't know if it will be too late to start a career in my late 20s

I feel so sad because everyone else my age is out there enjoying their careers, getting married, having babies and just generally out having fun and living their lives. Yet here's me who is still working part time in catering at the age of 24 whilst studying online part time and living at home with no life whatsoever and in desperate need to lose weight.

Have I completely screwed my life up?

I'm mid to late thirties and feel similar. You're not alone and have plenty of time. You say you want to work in administration. Do you really, or is just that you think it's a step up from catering? If not, maybe have a long hard think about what you really really want to do - if it's writing then start writing seriously - set hours, work from a café so you don't get distracted by the washing up. Treat it seriously. Think about setting yourself up as a freelancer maybe.

Dont worry! you are at least looking for work/ working! if you want to get in on admin etc. try one of the course here. www.reed.co.uk/courses/business-administration
some are free, others you pay for,

you'll find your niche and it'll all fall into place. :)

When I was your age I felt the same. Exactly the same. It got worse as I approached 30 then all of a sudden the day of my 30th birthday I felt content.

I wasn't a home owner, I wasn't married, I didn't have kids (the things I thought meant success) but I stopped comparing myself to my peers and accepted my life and he little things I have achieved.

When I was 24 I wanted to do a degree but felt it was too late, I'm now 33 and if I could go back I would do the degree at 24.

This is going to sound patronising but it's not too late to get the things you want which makes you feel a success. In the 3 years since I turned 30 I got married, bought a house and have a meaningful career.

Carry on as you are and enjoy life, whatever it throws at you

Youre not in prison, you haven't dropped out of school with no gcses, you're at uni, you have work experience, you have a place to live, you're aware you want more, what in earth have you messed up?!?! You're in one of the best positions I've heard of! Decide what you want from life, and go for it, could you save for a college course in administration?? That may give you an edge in interviews for office work. Or try volunteering in an office or for a charity. You're doing uni! If you work hard you have a bright future ahead of you _ there's people who never leave home. Don't wish your life away :)

OP you are so young, really don't worry. In life you will always feel failure and rejection but it's what you do next that counts. Don't give up, you'll meet friends who will like you and you'll like back and you'll find a job that you can do and that you're proud of. Just keep going, that's all you need to do. Turn up, work hard, care and don't take failure to heart. You are obviously a loving and caring daughter and sound very eloquent, and I'm sure your parents are very proud of you. Chin up, keep striving as you are, you'll be fine.

Have you ever had friends or have you feel a bit excluded or awkward just recently?

Perhaps you don't realise the way you come across to people and in interviews and just need a bit of coaching as to what potential employers are looking for. Have a look at YouTube or do some personality quizzes just to get things going and build your confidence.

For example I have resting bitch face when I'm thinking and go very quiet, so I used to come across as terse and I know the way I communicate is blunt (I did one of those corporate personality test things) . My friends know me, but strangers don't, so I do my best to improve my listening and communication skills.

Is your mother on the more severe end of the spectrum? Could you qualify for some care from social services?

You're not a screw up, some people are late bloomers in the world of work, before i became an Data Analyst i was staying in a YMCA hostel at the end of a really nasty break up... now i have a job, wife and a baby spawnling on the way.

If you are struggling in getting your foot in the door could i recommend the Microsoft Office Specialist Courses... one for each application of Microsoft Office Application but you only need what you will be using (if you dont plan on creating presentations then dont learn powerpoint)

At least then youd.have a proven knowledge of how to work to the most effcient way with MSOffice and with your foot in the door you then blow their minds with all the other stuff you are awesome at

Michael

What jumped out at me from your posts Op is the 'guilty' factor with regard to your DM.

Whatever else you do or don't do, please try to address this so you can shake that feeling off. It will be impossible to move on effectively otherwise. You are not responsible for your mother; that's your father's job. You are young, so please, please don't waste your life being held back by your own parents. That's the key to you moving forward, imho.

Oh, and don't write yourself off in your 20s for heaven's sake! I started again completely from scratch at 40. Career, money, relationship...EVERYTHING. I walked away from a relationship with absolutely nothing and started again. It can be done at any age, albeit it gets more difficult the older you are. 24 is nothing - you're just starting!

TBH getting a degree without getting into debt is an achievement in itself!!!

Really you are very young. Finish your degree and then time to move out and move on.

Have some belief in yourself and work towards your goal

I'm sure your parents are very proud of you.

I'm not sure they are. I think they wanted a high flying daughter but instead they got me who was always a bit average academically.

You are 24 and you have soooooo much life ahead of you! Well done on taking the initiative to start your Open University degree course and studying.

I would look at Carers UK and the Carers Trust to see if they offer any kind of support or advice, since it sounds to me as if you have been held back significantly by your caring role for your mum. You obviously have a sense of responsibility for her, which is common to people in your situation and is an admirable quality - but can deeply affect your ability to live your own life or move out.

Quaker Social Action has recognised this as a big issue that they recently been developing a Homes and Housing project called 'Move on Up', aimed at helping young adult carers to become independent for the first time. You may find the description interesting to read: www.quakersocialaction.org.uk/taking-social-action/our-practical-work/homes-and-housing/move/why-move

I really wish you all the best. You haven't screwed your life up, and the situation you're in is totally understandable.

You are soo very young, believe me, you have lots of life ahead of you, please don't think that you don't.

You're doing really well. Your working and studying. Plenty folks your age aren't doing that.
It's also good that you feel like you want to do more.
Try not to feel dejected when you get turned down for jobs. Keep trying.
.....also catering is a fine profession. -completely unbiased as I run a catering business-

I did do a degree, mainly cos all my friends were going to university, and I did manage to move out at 24 but I don't feel I achieved much until I met my now dh at 30. I always worked but no career, highest wage was 18k, much lower than my peers. Met dharma at work and his ambition spurred us on to leave our jobs and start our own business. Went tits up, ended up on jobseekers, then tried again and succeeded. I am now finally proud of my achievements but I'm nearly 40!

Enjoy your 20s, make the most of living at home to volunteer at something you love, find out who you are and what you really want to do. 24 is nothing, loads of time yet!

I didn't get my first 'proper' job until I was 25 and that was only a 6 week temp role. I have a basic education and have slowly but surely claimed the ladder. Believe me you have your whole life ahead of you. Have you tried signing up with a temping agency? It can open up many doors for you and give you the experience and confidence in your chosen career.

You have a lot of time, 24 is very very young.
If a relationship is what you're after do some internet dating. Consider moving out into a house share. Get some hobbies and meet some potential friends. Healthy eating and weight loss is such a good goal and you could try a few sports to see if there is anything you enjoy. It is certainly not too late!

Is your mother on the more severe end of the spectrum? Could you qualify for some care from social services?

No she's high functioning.

She's actually very chatty and outgoing. She will talk to anyone but she often talks about very inappropriate things and doesn't know when it's time to stop. I stopped telling her anything personal now as I know she will share it with anyone and everyone. It's like she has no filter on what things you should keep private and what things are fine to talk about.

She is naive and sees things in a very black and white way. When I was deciding what degree to do I told her I was considering law as a possibility. I then decided against it and went for something else instead but she now has law stuck in her head and tells everyone and their dog that I'm training to be a lawyer. I have given up trying to correct her now.

My DF says that if something happens to him then I have to keep an eye on her otherwise she will just keep spending money or signing up for scams at the door.

You're 24. You have around another 45 years of working life ahead of you - you're only at the beginning.
I personally like a plan. So recently I wrote down what success meant to me in all different areas of my life, and how I might get there. Big plans, small steps.
What are the things that are making you most unhappy? What are the small wins you can do now?
Can you join any local groups to help you meet more people?
Maybe a gym or a work out group? I'm planning on joining a These Girls Can Run group, partly to get fit and partly to meet more people as I've lived in this city for 8+ years and have no real friends.
With your living situation, could you afford to move out and live on your own? Can your Dad get any additional support for your Mum that isn't you?
With work, if you're looking for more admin roles can you start temping? Go into an agency, speak to the recruiter. Speak to several. Ask them to be honest with you and give you constructive feedback.

Don't worry, the people that you think have their shit together probably don't either.

What part of the UK are you in OP? I'm always up for a natter and a cuppa If your up my way (north)

I have never thought about volunteering to get admin experience. How do I do that? Do I just contact a charity and tell them I'm interested in volunteering?

If I was interviewing you I would be really impressed that you were supporting yourself by working while doing a degree - far better to have a degree at 27, plus some maturity and life experience, than at 21 having been babied all the way through.
I also second the advice to smile at someone new every day and try something new. I met my now husband by saying yes to an opportunity to try a new hobby that I thought I would hate! I was right I did hate it but I had fun and met some new people.

I am going to try making a list of things to do. I feel like I have so many things that need fixing though that I don't know where to start. I guess it will be a long list

You haven't achieved nothing with your life. Your life has barely started.

I spent the years after leaving school at 16 doing admin jobs and pissing around. I didn't do further education until 25, then got a degree and a masters. I now have a decent career and all the people (including my parents) are all pleased with me and think I've done really well.

Don't think you've screwed your life up - you haven't. You're studying and trying to achieve something, which is a million miles better than a lot of people do. You should be proud of yourself.

OP i didn't start having a full time job until I was 26yo (I took too long to study in an area that I have hardly used!)
I met DH when I was 29yo.
From then I had a full time job, a career that I decided to give up to start another one!
So I retrained (!!) and I am now doing my great job/career that I love.

You have PLENTY of time to get a career. 24yo is nowhere too old for that.

What I do notice is that your dad is guilt tripping you in looking after your mum. THAT is a much bigger issue IMO.
What sort of support does she need?

Look on the Do it website OP. That is how I found mine.