To think that depression is seriously fucking misunderstood?

[loverofchoc]

This is a very sensitive subject for me so forgive me if I'm overreacting.

But AIBU to say that the way our society views depression is absolutely fucked up big time? I'm not blaming anyone by the way.

I've been severely depressed, on and off, since I was about 13. And I mean severely depressed, suicide attempts, barely able to move because I was so drained of energy, etc. With antidepressants and the right therapy I largely feel better, but I still have occasional depressive episodes and am generally prone to extreme sadness. Over the years this is something I have learnt to accept and I've got good at coping with it. (My depression leads to anxiety too).

A lot of people are wonderfully supportive and great. But the amount of times I've heard that 'people just need to stop being depressed' 'I'm so depressed that I lost my favourite pen' 'depressives must stop moaning', and the like.

Today, I heard my DS, 12, and a few of his friends complaining about how one of their teachers was so crap and needed to stop being depressed.

Very few people understand that depression is an illness, it's debiliting, it's life limiting, it's really totally crap.

AIBU to say that the way our society views depression is fucked up?

I agree that it's impossible to know what it's like, and empathy for something so shit is really hard. As someone who had a few months' mild depression years ago, that was quite bad enough and I sometimes have to make myself empathise with my husband's severe MH problems.

I can see some of the effects though. At work there is a pictorial pain scale chart, pictures of faces in different levels of pain to help patients express themselves to doctors. A few years ago it occurred to me that when dh is acutely depressed his face looks like the most severe end of the pain scale The physicality of 'mental health' problems is quite shocking up close.

I have had periods of depression I also have mania. For me depression is dangerous because I have tried to kill myself in sudden ways. Mania is dangerous because you do utterly crazy things then have to live with the consequences. I spent two thousand pounds on presents in an afternoon last December and almost got on a plane to meet up with a man I met online fortunately my husband who is used to this had hidden my passport.

It's hard to comprehend but imagine laying in bed and actually contemplating pissing in your own bed because you cannot move. Nor change your clothes nor your bedsheets for a couple of weeks maybe even longer. You can barely be bothered to blink as its such a bloody effort.

It's been diluted by people using the term too loosely.

Someone close to me claims to have incredibly severe depression yet jumps off their meds to go on solo trips to far flung corners of the world, sometimes for months at a time and is totally fine till they get home.

It's people like that who cause the issues for people who genuinely suffer with a completely illogical, debilitating illness.

I totally agree with you OP. I have had depression and anxiety all my life and the only cocktail of medication that stops me feeling down makes me insanely tired. It sucks!

I think a lot of people claim to have depression when they have no idea. They are sad, not depressed.

I think doctors diagnose depression and give out medication too easily as they don't have enough time to give to each patient so they have to cover themselves.

duxb

Why does dilution have any effect on you? By dilution, I assume you mean over-used by someone who is just a little sad.

It's people like that who cause the issues for people who genuinely suffer with a completely illogical, debilitating illness.

I have two issues with this.

Firstly, who are you to decide how they feel?

Secondly, I can hide my condition, manage it and at the same time, be a complete slave to what is, as you said, illogical.

When under pressure or stress at work and approaching a deadline, I thrive and in fact have to keep an eye on myself and manage manias. It's when things are calm and drifting along I am far more likely to feel depressed. I get quite manic in the days running up to a holiday. I am yet to feel any kind of depression when going to "far flung corners of the world".

I am on the fence. Most people apparently will suffer from depression at some point, but there are degrees, so they might not understand how bad it can be for others

However, you can suffer badly, battle depression and addiction but in silence. So hearing someone moaning that they are too depressed to do something does leave you cold I am afraid, when you are feeling horrendous yourself, can barely get out of bed but still get on with it. Some sufferers fight it by keeping a normal life, or as normal as possible, and you can't see the shit they are going through by looking at them. When you spend months in a grey cloud, you don't have the energy to care for some random who just happens to be more vocal.

It doesn't help when you drag yourself at work because your family needs to eat, and you get twice the workload because a colleague is off for depression but put photos on social media of their luxury cruise holiday, to "make themselves feel better" whilst you are physically hurting for just a drink, only one, but you know if you start you won't stop.

I can't see the issue with people using the word for benign issues. Who cares? Being depressed is not something to be especially proud of, claiming ownership of the term only means you are a bit too satisfied about the condition. Who has the energy to give a monkey about that?

I think true depression like you describe must be completely debilitating- and I hope you're not in that place right now. However the number of people who are a bit down in the dumps are put straight onto happy pills. Every other thread on mumsnet seems to start 'I have anxiety and depression' and I think FFS, is everyone bloody sad?

So it's hard to know who's truly as affected as you describe and who's pissed off life isn't going there way and call it depression

Wet I get what you're saying and perhaps I should have clarified, they said that the atmosphere was bad because the other secretary was tired of carrying me because I'd been off sick. (Plus the fact that she was a sneaky arse licker who resented me having that job from the moment I started...but that's a whole other thread)

I think the normal human condition is to be slightly sad/melancholy/dissatisfied, and happiness comes in short bursts or moments. But, with our have-it-all and have-it-now modern expectations, we think there is something wrong if we are not actively happy all the time. Sometimes, quite often probably, that perfectly normal state of "downness" is described as depression.

I think its a similar attitude to obesity - its an issue that people who dont have it think "well, I like cake/feel sad sometimes, you just have to have some self-control and decide to eat less/be happy!"

People seem baffled by the suggestion that what they personally have experienced may be different to other people, its seen as a lack of moral fibre and shameful to not be able to "control yourself properly".

Obesity is totally different. Obesity is something that it is possible to exert some personal control over. Depression is not.

Storm but then it goes both ways: you kind of assume that it's easy for others to eat less. You don't know how much they struggle, and what steps they had to take to stay/ become healthy. It's not true for everybody.
(just keeping with your example).

Wet I suffer from PTSD and anxiety. I know that I don't defer from my ongoing treatment plans, despite not having severe episode for a while now. I wouldn't dare risk it. Those coping mechanisms will be with me for life.

If I were medicated, I certainly wouldn't jump off and on it at whim purely because I was off to do something I enjoy. a wave can hit you at any moment not just in times of stress and to be consistently doing so, to me is an insult to those people living with the condition constantly.

Im not airing the whole picture on a public forum but having had treatment, including intensive therapy for my issue and still having to utilise those techniques week in, week out im more than entitled to my opinion of a very real situation.

Yes by diluted, I mean there are people in society who clause depression as an excuse for a bad mood or a bit of upset and who aren't clinically depressed at all. Therefore the over and improper use of the word makes a mockery of those who really do suffer

Take umbridge with my opinion all you want but it's no less valid than yours

Well said duxb

People using the word depressed is just a turn of phrase. People often say that they are starving when hungry or dying when ill or hungover. That doesn't mean to say that they are downplaying actual starving/dying individuals. They don't mean any harm. It's just how some people speak.

I have had 2 episodes of depression in the past I'm currently recovering from PTSD (simple, with a single traumatic cause) and associated anxiety, I didn't think I was depressed this time, but as I'm getting better I now think there may have been a mild element of depression with it too. DH suffers with depression and episodes of psychosis.

to those who think that so many people who go to there GP with depression are not really depressed/diluting the diagnosis are you saying these people should "pull themselves together"? You are yourselves part of the problem and purpetuating the stigma. How on earth do you know that those people are less depressed than anyone else. Depression runs on a spectrum from mild, (strugling to complete daily tasks but managing the essentials and generally managed by the GP and possibly councellor/cbt therapist) through to severe (unable to keep yourself safe and in hospital under section). I've been suicidal it was a truely horrible experience, I cant imagine feeling worse than I did, but I recovered with ADs and councelling and had 10 years medication free before the next episode, that time I got help much earlier as soon as I realised I was struggling and didn't get nearly so low. I've seen DH severely unwell, sat in a&e with him after multiple suicide attempts, he has been under daily treatment from the home treatment team and has had weekly visits from a CPN for years I can't imagine how someone could be more unwell than he has been. And yet I know it must get worse than either of us have experienced as I know that the poorliest people are admitted to hospital.

A PP said how it uspets them to struggle into work with depression to be told they are short staffed as a collegue is off with depression only to see posts of what they are doing whilst off work on fb. How do you know that your depression is worse than theirs? I recently had 3 months off sick with PTSD luckily I have supportive collegues and management that encouraged me to do activities for my mental health whilst I was off, I didn't post them on fb though for fear of people thinking the way you do about it. At my worst I couldn't make a cup of tea(couldn't remember how), but I forced myself to the gym everyday, DH took me for walks and regular days out (he wanted to take me o holiday but I couldn't face being away from home) and I built up activities in preparation for returning to work.

As for th OPs origional post yes depression is still misunderstood (even by those who have experienced it, it would seem) and there is still a huge ammount of stigma arround it. But I think it is one of the better understood MH conditions because it is so common. DH will happily share that he suffers with depression, but not psychosis as people tend to mistakenly think that makes him dangerous. And the more we can be open with people and share our experiences the better the understanding will get.

I have recurrent severe depression and I think there's very little understanding of how debilitating it can be - during bad periods I'm constantly suicidal and can't get myself dressed, washed and out of bed. It makes me completely bed-ridden as much as any severe disability would. But depression also refers to a spectrum, where people are going about their daily lives without being debilitated by it, and their needs aren't severe enough to require the input of specialist consultants or to be prioritised for longer term therapy. I think there should be a different term for it. My diagnosis under ICD 10 is F33.2 - recurrent major depressive disorder, so the severity of my condition is recognised by my CMHT. But most people will see my diagnosis as just depression, and put me in the same category as someone with F32.0, which is mild depression and only has 2-3 symptoms to be present, and I think that is confusing.

I have depression so I know how real and debilitating and dangerous it is. But I think there should also be support for family trying to help a depressed relative through an episode, because that's fucking awful too. I'm horrendous when I'm ill.

Well, people say they are 'starving' and they aren't. I don't feel upset by people using 'depressed' as a flippant comment

I do feel upset when people offer advise on how to get more organised and energised etc....because organising all THEIR cupboards and drawers/running and exercise made THEM feel better, when THEY were struggling to cope.

I'm not sure it is possible to understand how disabling and terrifying it is, if they haven't experienced it, though

The best way I've come across to describe the experience of severe depression is:

Imagine you wake up in a hospital bed but can't open your eyes or move a muscle. You can hear people talking about you and your condition, and discover that you will be like this for the rest of your life, with no hope of any improvement. You will never hold your children again. Then imagine the intense panic you would feel and the anguish and despair. Severe depression is having those feelings all the time, minute after minute, hour after hour, without any break, or any ability to distract yourself by reading or watching TV - because you literally can't concentrate enough to make sense of what's going on.

kesstrel that description is perfect. So real. Especially the last bit. It really describes my experiences. Thank you