To think that depression is seriously fucking misunderstood?

[loverofchoc]

This is a very sensitive subject for me so forgive me if I'm overreacting.

But AIBU to say that the way our society views depression is absolutely fucked up big time? I'm not blaming anyone by the way.

I've been severely depressed, on and off, since I was about 13. And I mean severely depressed, suicide attempts, barely able to move because I was so drained of energy, etc. With antidepressants and the right therapy I largely feel better, but I still have occasional depressive episodes and am generally prone to extreme sadness. Over the years this is something I have learnt to accept and I've got good at coping with it. (My depression leads to anxiety too).

A lot of people are wonderfully supportive and great. But the amount of times I've heard that 'people just need to stop being depressed' 'I'm so depressed that I lost my favourite pen' 'depressives must stop moaning', and the like.

Today, I heard my DS, 12, and a few of his friends complaining about how one of their teachers was so crap and needed to stop being depressed.

Very few people understand that depression is an illness, it's debiliting, it's life limiting, it's really totally crap.

AIBU to say that the way our society views depression is fucked up?

I think all mental health is still really misunderstood, services are vastly limited, I know of one person who was sectioned and had to go to a facility 200 miles away, as beds are so few.

Depression and how it's experienced can vary vastly. But the focus should be that the person is suffering and needs support. Bugger the stiff upper lip.

I think it's hard as I had a cousin who would self harm, the reason for doing so wasn't for relief of pain, just that others in her group did it, so it seemed like the thing to do. I've encountered really serious self harm, where the scars are something else. The former kind of dilutes the latter.

Didn't the government promise more money for mental health?

I think it's a shame they've shut so many mental health centres, when life is as stressful as ever, people need access to support, plus to be closer to family. A lot of onus is put on care in the community, I feel whilst it may appear ideal, it's a lot of responsibility for one person or several persons.

I think many Dr's take it as, oh they've said they're depressed, they've done the questionnaire, it all indicates depression, get them of tablets, titrate up if needed, get them on a list for counselling. It has to be really severe for the Crisis Team to get involved. Even more serious than that for admission.

If you know someone who is depressed, there's lots of advice out there on how you can support the person. If someone on here is struggling there is a mental health page.

Well, I would never say that Tesco being out of bread (or anything remotely trivial like that) is depressing.

I could say that what is going on in Syria, or indeed Westminster right now, is depressing. That doesn't mean it causes me to have depression. I would have thought you could see that.

Most people suffer depression to some extent at some point in their lives. I honestly don't think it is as misunderstood as you claim.

Having suffered from clinically diagnosed depression, even I will still use words like 'depressing' in a casual way, e.g. "that film was so depressing". I think most people know that when used casually, these words are just being used as a form of exaggeration (in the same vein as saying you're starving when you're hungry); I don't think anyone who uses the word casually is trying to claim there's no difference between them and somebody with severe clinical depression.

I do think depression is however too frequently confused with sadness. It's so much more than sadness - it's more like emptiness, the complete absence of joy or motivation.

I do not think it's helpful to try and claim exclusive use of the word.

Also, I think those with mental illness need to show more understanding of the impact on those around them.

I'm sure the reason some people are unsympathetic is because they ve seen, as I have, some appalling behaviour carried out by depressives.

If I'm being honest, I think the severity has been diluted

Totally agree with this. Something happened in my life a few months ago which has made me very, very sad. I've had to avoid talking about it with some people as they say "Oh, you're depressed, you should go to the doctor." I generally try to say "No, I am not suffering from the illness depression, I'm just slowly getting over something really sad."

Sometimes situations etc make us unhappy. That's life. It doesn't mean we all have a serious illness.

I think slapping the label of depression on people has become a stock response to anyone who might be having a tough time. It totally minimises the experiences of people, like some PPs, who are really suffering from a genuine illness. I've also come across a fair few young people who self diagnose which I don't believe helps greater understanding of real depression.

I have this as well ( also a post on Mental Health re Prozac if anyone can advise)

I think a big part of the lack of recognition is the separation of physical and mental health

My brain doesn't function as it should without meds. To me that's a physical problem. I don't get the division. If my insulin response was impaired and I took drugs for that, there's no difference.

I have also suffered with depression since the age of 14 but probably in childhood too, I never recall feeling happy ever.

I have absolutely zero real life support, my family is shit and disfunctional. They know I suffer but choose to ignore me/ turn there backs. My sister even once said to my disclosure that I'd been really ill with it was "Well we've all got our problems"

People are drawn to happy (possibly fake) people. Those who have never suffered real depression have no idea whatsoever how suffocating it is.

Every minute of every day is a slog.

People are generally self absorbed and lack compassion for others with invisible illnesses

I'm currently off work with anxiety and depression. I have recurring episodes for the last 15 years. I feel judged by my colleagues as somehow weaker in character. I also feel guilty that I'm not currently able to function in my job. I'm slowly improving but I'm scared to say I am as I think the GP will rush me back before I'm ready.
My latest episode is work related. Huge amounts of stress over an extended period of time. I just cracked. My boss said if we could fix the issues could you come back? I tried to explain that they could get extra staff tomorrow but that wouldn't mean I would wake up better the next day. The damage is done and will take time for me to pull myself out the other side. They don't understand and I work in healthcare!!!
I feel there is stigma in saying I'm depressed. As in all mental health diagnoses really.

I think that most people don't understand it. I've never had it, so I can't imagine what it's like. I'd never comment on it, especially to a person / friend with depression. Whatever type they are dealing with... It must be hard enough without people making assumptions.

Also, Lucie, it may seem that happy people are fake but it's not the case. A couple of friends have accused me of "putting on" my sunny nature, but the truth is that I'm very lucky not to have suffered depression in any way.

I've had episodes of depression since I was 17, I'm now mid thirties. Mostly I'm a 'functional' depressive. I go to work, drag myself through the day, come home and either sleep or fall to bits, my husband does most of the cooking and cleaning as I just don't have the energy for it. I read with the children but struggle to play with them as it's as if my brain is empty. I love them dearly. That's my experience and the way it affects me. To the average outsider they probably think 'well Fallen goes to work, holds down a job, she can't be depressed...' they don't see me come home from work, lock myself upstairs and literally cry for hours analysing every little perceived mistake I have made that day, don't realise I don't have a single friend left as I'm too anxious to ring and they've all stopped caring. It's all perception. Then as mentioned theres the other brigade who are so depressed that they don't have the right biscuits in stock at Tesco! Meh! Excuse the flood of info there! Feels a bit like a weight has been lifted.

RE the stigma, I've never told a workplace. I've not had to take more than two days off here and there, that was from nausea due to changing meds etc so I just said I had stomach upset.

I hear a lot of comments made about depression that make me inclined to keep it to myself at work, never had to fill in a medical form luckily.

I agree about workplace stigma but in my experience it is related to any illness that is long lasting, reoccurring and unpredictable. I have seen the same treatment given to people with back injuries, migraine conditions and inflammatory bowel disease.

People accept that there is bipolar where a sufferer's mood swing up and down with or without a reason, so why won't people accept that someone's mood could swing low and remain low for long periods of time?

Do they or are we playing MH top trumps?

I am bipolar but have been off medication for a while. I don't think i'ts more 'acceptable' than simple depression, I just think it's more likely to manifest itself more obviously than a 'mood' and therefore people see the symptoms and empathise more. Especially a full-blown mania. As well as this, moods are a spectrum. Everyone feels down and up and somewhere in between fairly frequently. Someone who feels down but isn't clinically depressed can often pull themselves together and force themselves to get up and get on with it. People find it harder to empathise with depression ecause most people don't feel down without a reason. They're used to different moods being attributed to external factors.

I don't get offended or feel that my problems are being minimised if I overhear someone misusing 'depressed' or 'bi-polar. It's only a word. If someone were directly attacking me or my diagnosis then it would be entirely different.

YANBU.
I have the same experience. I think its because behaviour looks as if it can be chosen. For example people who are not depressed might not want to get of bed, but they do. Some people who are depressed don't want to get out bed and are completely unable to so because of th illness.
It is also possible for people who are depressed to smile and act 'as if' things are OK - I do this quite a lot - so I guess sometimes people around you want you to act as if things are OK. Its easier for them that way.
And then there is the fact that people misuse the term. There is a huge difference between clinical depression/major depressive disorder and feeling sad or a bit down.
And yes, society's attitude to mental health problems is very poor.

Fallenpetals your description captures my experience too. Thank you.

Rarity Absolutely! Where I work people who need support that is judged as 'excessive' or have mental health problems are often referred to as 'special snowflakes' by some colleagues.

You're not wrong. I recently had to leave my job as my mental health was suffering. I'd been signed off work and on my return was told I needed to turn over a new leaf, that the other secretary was sick of carrying me, that there was a bad atmosphere in the office which was my fault and that I had to leave my problems at the door. They never would have said that to someone who had a physical health problem.

I hear you, OP .

I'm recently recovered from a long (several years) bout of depression, am med free and am amazed by how I feel. Mainly the gamut of emotions, nice and not so nice, which now flow through me without the opaque veil of medication.

I think the workplace attitude is very difficult and it's not easy to be prescriptive as to how a particular depressed person should deal with things (i.e. disclose or not). Besides having my own struggles with depression, I often advise employers and employees about dealing with mental health problems in the workplace. Some employers are brilliant, enlightened and helpful. Some are fucking dinosaurs of the highest order, who assume (and I'm not joking) that mental health problem = axe murderer

This was on the BBC website this morning. It's worth a read.

I should rephrase my comment about the dinosaurs. The MH condition in question was NOT depression. I hope I haven't upset anyone by that reference and will see if MNHQ can edit my post.

They never would have said that to someone who had a physical health problem.

But a physical health problem is unlikely to affect the atmosphere of the office. Remember, I'm saying this as someone with bi-polar disorder but I don't think mental and physical health are the same. They have different symptoms, different effects on others and require different solutions.

You can't 'talk someone' out of cancer but I was able to stop medication with excellent therapy.

It's interesting. My theory is its the broad stroke nature that the word depression conveys. It sounds like something but nothing. So people can dismiss it more easily. But if a woman says "I have PND" most people fall over backwards trying to understand, and less judgy. Why? Its depression with a different aetiology is all. Same also with schizophrenia (although possibly awkward or afraid).

Sorry so whay I'm trying to say is that something that sounds more specific in nature somehow attracts more understanding or at the very least avknowledgment that you have a 'real' condition

My eldest son developed psychosis last year, he also had depression and anxiety.
He truly had a horrendous year but we could sit in my car and we would play old school house music and we would sing along having a great time.
If somebody saw him they wouldn't believe that 12 hours earlier he had tried to take his life.

I will never judge someone because you really don't know what they are going through.

A relative of mine is severely depressed and has been for about a year (and has had other episodes in the past). We haven't seen or spoken to each other for a year, there has been no communication from him at all. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about it but he may be saying to his girlfriend that I don't understand or don't sympathise. That's not true, but there's absolutely nothing I can do for him so am leaving him be, which is what he seems to want.