To feel pissed off with the way things are

[AprilTheGiraffe]

I probably am. I feel angry just now. This will probably be inarticulate nonsense because I'm tired but I know what I'm trying to say...

I have a growing bugbear about work being such a dominant aspect of my life and the lives of people in general. We spend so much of our time there. Not enough holidays, not enough time, not enough hours in the day.

I feel like everyone I know is stressed out, skint, unhappy. Life is just dominated by work. Shite bosses who don't want to understand. Commuting in bad traffic. Unpaid overtime (or being penalised and put at the bottom of the pile because you have kids in nursery and can't do it, like me). Not being able to stop worrying or thinking about it when you get home.

Housework when you can squeeze it in. Drudgery on top of fucking drudgery. Not enough hours in the day. Brexit. Independence. Just pressure and worry from everywhere. I wish it would all just fuck off and leave me alone.

Of course I'm sure not everyone feels this way and it's just me. I'm going through a phase just now where I'm very unhappy in my job. I am going on mat leave in a few months and I don't want to go back. But for various reasons I am utterly trapped with nowhere else to go and we can't afford for me to stay at home. So I have no option but to stay put and keep going.

I want to start up my own business but I can't because I simply don't have time. Workload at actual work is so heavy that I need to work a lot of nights once DD is asleep to keep up (I reduced my hours when I had DD and whilst my time in the office and lay reduced accordingly, my workload didn't). If I'm not doing that, I'm doing housework.

Good luck op

The run up to having a new baby is a particularly hard time IMO - you know things are going to change and get harder and it can seem overwhelming. Go easy on yourself.

I think you've hit a point where you feel powerless and out of control. Just going through the motions. It gets us all and so you're not being unreasonable to have a good rant about it.

What I would say is try and find time (now or maternity) to look at what you can control and options to better your situation. For example:
Are you stopping at 2 kids? If so, then you'll know at what point in the future childcare costs would reduce considerably. If that's say 6 years time, it gives you a window of time to plan to launch your business. What could you do between now and then to lay the foundations? Anything? Even just reading, researching and saving will make you feel like you're taking action.
Is there any money that can be taken from anywhere to get a cleaner? Even just every other week could give you back a few hours to do something non-drudge related.
Can you move to a cheaper property in your area? Save on bills and mortgage that way? Downsize?
Have you got anything to sell that you could start a fund for something nice with?

Basically feeling like you have some control and choice, no matter how small, is bound to improve your outlook. Even if you end up with a ten year plan, just having a plan puts you back in the driving seat so life isn't just happening to you. You might not get everything you want, but I don't think many people do.

Good luck with the new baby, I hope you feel better about everything soon.

Sometimes you just have to have time to stop and take a deep breath and look around at what you can change or alternative ways of doing things.

Good luck with the baby and use your maternity leave to assess what it is you want

I think it's patronising to suggest that the OP is moaning and should simply pop off and get a new job or start her own business. Yep that's easy when you are pregnant, tired, stressed and struggling financially 🙄

I think life was ok for a lot people until about 8 years go, since then it's been steadily getting worse. Endless cuts by this government have made things unnecessarily harder for millions of people.

Brexit and Trump certainly aren't helping as there are more things to worry about than ever before. Last Summer my head felt like it was going to explode with anxiety.

On an individual basis we may not always be able to do things that make much of an improvement to our lives. I'd like to start my own business but I'm not arrogant enough to think it will definitely work with 4 out of every 5 businesses failing right now. It costs money to start a business, not everyone has money they can happily loose or the time that's needed to invest in a start-up.

I don't think extra education or training always helps in the work market either because I have lots of qualifications and a degree and I still earn next to nothing. No pay rise for 12 years anyone? No hope of career progression.

There are millions of people starving in the world and most people in the UK have it far easier; but that doesn't mean the system is fair and right here with huge inequalities and people struggling to pay their bills and feed their families every day.

What's wrong with having a moan about it all? It doesn't harm anyone to let off steam. If I knew how to change our society and make it fairer then I would.

Nobody is trying to be patronising. In the original post she was talking about starting her own business. I personally was simply trying to suggest ways it might be doable if she's miserable with the way things currently are. Might make her feel a bit more hopeful.

I do think it's in the last 8 years, Name. There was a change after the financial crash. Those with the money are holding on to it tight, making it harder for ordinary folk. Things have changed for banks, employers etc...

I don't think the last 8 years has anything to do with the ops issues.

A lot of people have been where you have been op. This feeling of dreading work and the general rat race of trying to keep all the balls up in the air at once whilst not actually progressing or seeing light at the end if a tunnel is the reason many people jack everything in and go sailing round the world or buy châteauxs in France. That has been happening for many years. It is nothing new.

I really feel for you and think you do need to sit down with your oh and get over how unhappy you are.
Maybe he feels the same or get him to think of an alternative

I think I just feel like we are surviving at the moment. We aren't really enjoying life. Our two year old daughter is a bright spot (hard work but that's to be expected!) and I find sometimes that I don't have the energy to be the parent she deserves. I'm tired (caused by work and pregnancy) or I'm checking and worrying about work emails. What is the point in working part time if I'm not enjoying my time with her?

DH, when I married him, was a real happy-go-lucky, laid back sort. I adored that about him, he made me laugh like no one else. He suddenly seems like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I don't know when that happened. It makes me sad.

I am going to give some serious thought to how I want my life to look, and have this discussion with DH. I have no idea what we can change, but we can't go on like this...

Take turns looking after dd to give you some more me time - not to do chores but for pure pleasure.
Also a lot of pressure is pressure we put on ourselves. The house doesn't need to be immaculate, the floor doesn't need washing everyday. Dd doesn't need entertaining 100% of th time.nthose work emails can wait. You don't need to be perfect, just aim to be good enough.

The hardest time of my life was when my children were under 3. I loved being with them but the hard work was relentless.Things will get easier. There is light at the end of the tunnel.