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To be ill and not tell anyone.....

42 replies

FunMumm · 06/03/2007 12:46

last Wednesday evening I came down with the flu bug... I spent all day Thursday and Friday in bed.... Hubby had it all covered, he leaves for work at 8:20 and comes home 5:40.. the kids aged 10 and 8 go to school and come home on their own, and can amuse their selves for a couple of hours...

Hubby rang my mum and dad on friday evening to tell them I'd been ill... their reaction was... "why didn't you tell us sooner".. OK they live just down the road, but I was sleeping and didn't need them for anything.. (I forgot to mention that DH pops home for lunch as well)

DH'm mum rings Friday night and hears that I've been ill.. "Why didn't you tell" us she cries hubby explains that everythings under control blar blar
MIL even rang my mother and offered to help her with my washing! ... [unbelievable emoticon]

NOW can I just be ill and not tell anyone.. or do I have to report to the parents... bearing in mind that I havent' had surgery and I'm not terminally ill...
I understand that they care about me and want to help... but still... So tell me honestly... did I do wrong...

OP posts:

northerner · 06/03/2007 12:48

Err, I don't getv your problem. You were ill. Parents wanted to know so they could check you were OK/help out.

Whats so bad about that?


Tinker · 06/03/2007 12:48

Think they might just care. Not so bad really.


belgo · 06/03/2007 12:51

No you're not obligated to tell them.

Me and my family are currently suffering from flu, and I mean the real flu, not just a bad cold.

I live in Belgium and my parents live in England and I haven't told them, because they would worry without being able to help.


FunMumm · 06/03/2007 12:55

its the backlash I've had... my mum did some shopping for me on saturday as DH took the kids out for the day... and she didn't bring it down till 3pm... because she thought "I wanted to be on my own"... um yes I did when I was ill and in bed sleeping... but not when I was on the mend...

MIL rang to see how I was on the Sunday... "Why didn't you tell anyone you were ill" she stroped down the phone... We could have helped.... DH had already said everything was covered...

I'm just kind of like... excuse me... I

OP posts:

bran · 06/03/2007 12:58

Now you have the perfect excuse to say "I won't tell you in future because you're all making such an unnecessary fuss".


marymoocow · 06/03/2007 12:58

tbh i don't think in your situation as everything was covered you were being unreasonable. Infact if you had flu you weren't in a position to think about telling anyone never mind actually telling them.
However, be grateful that you did get offers of help should you have needed them.
I was in the same position about 3 weeks ago, and all my family (from both sides) said, "oh we won't come round just now then. Don't want to catch it!" It was half term with 3 dc, age 8,6 and 3, and dh was abroad working.


PollyLogos · 06/03/2007 12:59

You should be very glad that they care so much.

You'll be the same when your kids are married (cos they are still your kids IYSWIM)


FunMumm · 06/03/2007 13:07

thanks for replying...

My MIL was really upset that no one had told her I was ill! I cannot believe the upset that my flu bug has caused...
If I'd been admitted to hospital I could understand it... but I was in bed for 2 days... minging.. sleeping and sweating...

They also know I'm not the sort of person that likes a lot of fuss.. and I suppose for me to take to my bed I must have been ill..

marymoocow... you have my sympathy....

OP posts:

belgo · 06/03/2007 13:08

Funmumm - they have a wierd way of making you feel guilty for being ill don't they?


marymoocow · 06/03/2007 13:08

Thankyou, didn't mean it to sound like i was moaning , its just how it is.


sunnysideup · 06/03/2007 13:09

oh my goodness your poor mum can't get anything right can she! Showing concern and wanting to come is wrong, then NOT coming till 3pm is wrong, how on earth is she supposed to guess what you are wanting?????

You're very lucky indeed to have concerned relations who want to help you, and obviously try to please you. Be a bit more gracious about it if you can.


saltire · 06/03/2007 13:12

I often don't tell my mum if Dh, the DSs or myself are ill - with minor things like D&V, or a cold. Simply becasue she won't let it rest, she would phone lots of times a day ,and I'm tlaking lots, not just once or twice.
MIL couldn't care less


ChocolateTeapot · 06/03/2007 13:12

FunMumm, I do see what you are saying but I would absolutely love to have just one parent who would like to help out when I am sick, instead of DH & I always looking after our parents. I think it's the sort of thing that unless you don't have it, you don't quite appreciate how lucky you are.


anniemac · 06/03/2007 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

octopussyintummy · 06/03/2007 13:15

I kind of know where you are coming from - my PIL are a PITA and have to know everything and ring and strop if we fail to tell them something - completely ridiculous. We tend to keep things from them which happen so we don't have to go through listening to their opinions on what we should/shouldn't do etc - we feel if we want their input we will ask them - but it all backfires when someone else tells them something. I do tell my parents when we haven't told dhs parents stuff so we don't get dropped in it! Sounds a bit mean and convoluted but sometimes they need to remember that we are adults and have our own family and are perfectly capable of looking after ourselves and should we need help or advice we will ask.

A prime example is that I am now 35 weeks pregnant with no.3 and my mum thinks that she now needs to come and help out - but its not help its a nightmare and I get really stressed with her here. Have told her I am fine and will ask for help if and when I need it and that actually prefer being on my own now on maternity leave and ds's at school/playgroup.


Its nice to know they care but sometimes you need boundaries!


octopussyintummy · 06/03/2007 13:15

ditto saltire!


saltire · 06/03/2007 13:17

octopussy, that's where I'm copming from with regards to my mum. She will literally phne every hour if she knows i have a cold, or if it's the DSs she's worse
"Have you taken them to the doctor"
"No, It's just a cold"
"But how do you know, it could be pnumonia".
She goes on likw this incessantly until in the end i do start to question wether i'm right - i end up judging my own parenting choices, because that's how she makes me feel


octopussyintummy · 06/03/2007 13:17

and mine live 2 hours away so not really that close to hand to pop round - which I have to say is quite a relief at times. Having them nearby would be nice for kids but not our sanity!


ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 06/03/2007 13:18

Yes FunMumm, sorry but I'm afraid you are protesting too much. Your issue doesn't compare to the issue of being ill but having nobody know because nobody cares.. and/or having nobody to help with the children when help is very badly needed! There is nothing worse than having to struggle on regardless when you feel like poo-on-a-stick. Hardest part of parenting bar long term sleep deprivation IMO..


octopussyintummy · 06/03/2007 13:18

ROFL saltire - know just what you mean! DH had a cold the other week and she rang about 5 times to see how he was FGS - he's 41!


brimfull · 06/03/2007 13:20

I too am of you having such wonderful support.I would love it.
Also feel you're being a bit ungrateful ,your poor mum can't do anything right.
Appreciate what you've got,it might not be there one day.


FunMumm · 06/03/2007 13:20

got to quickly pop out... will be back to defend my actions later.....

OP posts:

Rabbitbreath · 06/03/2007 13:21

One of realities we had to face when we moved to the UK 2 years ago was that we have absolutely no family here.

Being 6 months pregnant and very hormonal I must admit that I miss my family a lot - even though especially my mom, sometimes drive me up the walls.

It's nice when people care - and ChocolateTeapot, you are so right - you only miss it when you don't have it - and I really miss my family, but we are here to stay now, so .....


ledodgyDave · 06/03/2007 13:22

I agree with GGirl you're lucky to have family around you who give you so much support. Treasure them while you can.


octopussyintummy · 06/03/2007 13:22

I think we are all really grateful of having family who care - I think its more about boundaries and being treated like an adult!

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