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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think the tick tock of the biological clock is a real thing?

77 replies

DerFlabberghast · 21/03/2017 18:51

I'm in my early thirties and have never been maternal, I dont feel the need to breed and have always been happy with my decision, in the last few months though my ovaries have been raising a disapproving fallopian brow and seem to be trying to remind me that's time's running out, a bit like an interfering elderly lady at church asking you if you've got a boyfriend yet over tepid post-sermon nescafe.

I have the nurturing instinct of a concrete floor so I can only assume the biological clock is a real thing. I've even dreamed about children recently and woke up a bit gutted I'd never hold my own newborn...it's as though my uterus has grabbed a couple of glittery pom poms and is dancing up and down shouting 'Bitch i'm here!'

Nothing else about me has changed, is this actually normal?

OP posts:

Sallygoroundthemoon · 22/03/2017 09:19

I had a mild flicker in my late 30s, luckily ignored it and now consider myself very fortunate in not having children. It was a narrow escape. We are all different though so yours might kick in strongly, it might not.

RestlessTraveller · 22/03/2017 09:52

My dad once said to me "your biological clock is missing it's alarm function".

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 22/03/2017 09:54

Nc as definitely identifiable

Oh yes, it's definitely real! We had our children when I was 25 and 27, my dh was 29 and 31 and had a vasectomy when our youngest was a few weeks old (Doctors had advised that another pregnancy would be dangerous for me, so dh decided I had been through enough so had a vasectomy much to MIL's horror 😂).

We were more than happy with our decision and enjoyed/ enjoy not having to worry about contraception 😀. Then both of us started hearing my biological clock ticking when our dd started school.

I diverted my broodiness to looking at local add pages and puppies that were for sale locally. But we had lost our gorgeous lab the year before and dh wasn't ready yet to think of having another. But the next year with my ovaries on overdrive a gorgeous video of a beautiful puppy needing rescued came up on my newsfeed. With much persuasion my husband agreed and we adopted our gorgeous girly pup. She was definitely a baby replacement 😂. Dh fell in love with her too, then it was his turn to feel broody in February the next year . We have an unusual breed of pup and are on several facebook groups, so when a gorgeous scruffy boy pup appeared on Facebook again dh decided on the spot to adopt him. He had been going on about newborns the week before. Much to his disgust as apparently only I am supposed to get broody 😂.

Now we are crazy dog people with two skin babies and two furry babies 😂. I definitely blame my biological clock! I am pretty sure I am perimenipausal ! I can definitely recommend going for a puppy as a biological clock calmer!

ToastDemon · 22/03/2017 09:57

My biological clock was apparently never installed.
Now that I'm in my forties hopefully people will stop telling me that it will start ticking at some point.

PenCreed · 22/03/2017 10:26

I'm 36, I can admire the cute babies of friends (met an absolute charmer this week, so smiley!) but no ticking clock for me. I think about it every so often because it seems to be assumed that women want kids, but I just don't feel that I do at all. I suppose there's still time though.

RhodaBorrocks · 22/03/2017 10:36

I had DS unplanned, at 25. I used to say one was enough, I'd done the pregnancy/birth/baby thing and that was that. I joked that now I'd fulfilled that task my biological clock never had a chance to start ticking.

10 years later I am Broody. As. Fuck. I'm also single and have been for some time. My friends are talking about getting me settled down, married and having more babies. My DS has been desperate for a sibling for about 6 years.

To be honest, I'd happily skip the marriage part and just have a baby. I've been a single parent officially for 7 years but in reality more like 9 years so I know I could do it alone.

If I'm still single at 38 I'm going down the sperm donation route. My DM is horrified by this. DF is quietly pleased to have raised a strong woman who ignores convention.

RhodaBorrocks · 22/03/2017 10:38

And my DM's biological clock started ticking overnight when she turned 30. Prior to that she had no interest in children. And tbh still doesn't, apart from her own family (and even then not the 'difficult' ones).

Original poster

DerFlabberghast · 22/03/2017 11:26

It's funny, no one in my family is maternal, really, even my own DM never felt it and I was a total accident at nearly 40.

OP posts:

keeponkeeponkeepon · 22/03/2017 11:30

Hmmm. Yes. I didn't want kids in 20s. No thsnks. Then met right man at 30 then wanted kids. But that may have been more circumstances being right rather than biological clock.

I think it is real. I've seen it in friends. It isn't always very accurate though. Sometimes you should just ignore it.

Vq1970 · 22/03/2017 11:31

I'm another one who never had a biological clock installed, or if I did, it's faulty. I've reached the age of 47 and never felt a maternal instinct or the need to have a child. I'm a kind person and would look out for and help someone at whatever age, but I don't go gaga over babies simply from a maternal point of view. I have lots of nieces and nephews and they're all having babies now as well but it's never appealed to me. And I'm happy with that. I think that's the important thing, to be happy with whatever you decide.

keeponkeeponkeepon · 22/03/2017 11:33

Ahhh... do you think it is linked to your sobriety? IME addiction is all about suppressing feelings. Take away the drug/drink and back come those pesky feelings.

Anything there?

Monkeybunkey · 22/03/2017 11:52

I'm 39 next month and I've never felt maternal or broody,. I've no plans to have kids and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything (a day with my niece and nephew reminds me why I love my peaceful, childfree life!).

notfromstepford · 22/03/2017 12:25

I'm 42 and have a 5yo and a 1yo. We can't afford another baby and we're getting a bit old (DH is 45) but it hasn't stopped this overwhelming urge to have another baby or two! DH feels the same - it really is a "time is running out - do it now" alarm.

loaferloveforyou · 22/03/2017 13:31

My clock ticks when I think about maternity leave, being pregnant and being snuggled at home with a baby. It stops ticking once I think about school uniforms, school fees and the general daily life with children between 2 and 18.

stoopido · 22/03/2017 13:46

I had my first baby at almost 29 and I wasn't very broody to begin with! However, fast forward 9 years and I keep thinking about babies! So yes, I think my body is telling me the clock is ticking!

Original poster

DerFlabberghast · 22/03/2017 15:19

I think it is linked to sobriety a bit keepon because I don't think I'm going to meet anyone now who'll put up with me so I feel I'm grieving for a) my twenties and b) a future alone so I'm probably just a bit emotional and irrational about it.

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 22/03/2017 15:30

DerFlabberghast, I hope it helps to think of it as actual grieving. It really helped me to take my feelings more seriously by naming them. Rather than dismissing what you feel as 'broody' or 'hormonal' or whatever, I found it helped to think of what I was going through as grief. It passes, honestly. It really does get better

If it helps, there's a brilliant online G+ community called Gateway Women, which is for women who don't have children for all sorts of reasons, and who are struggling with that, for all sorts of reasons. I have found them incredibly supportive

BasinHaircut · 22/03/2017 16:19

Yep, we are about to start TTC DC2 after being adamant that almost 4YO DS would be an only child. I'm 34 and worried that I might regret it later if I don't have another and it might be too late if not soon.

Original poster

DerFlabberghast · 22/03/2017 16:22

Thanks lotta x

OP posts:

Rubix77 · 22/03/2017 16:31

I've read that research suggests the biological clock, or the biological urge to reproduce just doesn't really exist. Once you are pregnant and have a baby lots of hormones kick in so that is a sory of biological motivation to look after and love your child but to actually have a baby I really don't think the clock or urge exists at all. When people talk about this what they are really talking about is cultural and societal pressure which are very pervasive.

It makes sense really, why would we need to want a baby when we have a sex drive? It has only been in the past 50 years or so that many women have had the choice so nature hasn't caught up yet. There is also the effects of pro-Natalism which becomes a powerful force when having a child starts to look not worth it to a lot of people.

Lottapianos · 22/03/2017 16:35

Great post Rubix, makes a lot of sense. Pronatalism and the pressure on women to become mothers is huge

Lottapianos · 22/03/2017 16:37

Great post Rubix, makes a lot of sense

ToastDemon · 22/03/2017 16:44

Agree, excellent post Rubix

ShotsFired · 22/03/2017 16:49

GoodnightSeattle Absolutely it's real. It's built into every animal to reproduce at all costs

I think many of us missed that memo .

I admire people who have courage in their convictions and remain childless.

I think your mistake there is assuming we ever had any convictions. Not feeling this mysterious urge is like being atheist - we simply don't have the faith!

And while you call it "childless" as if that was a bad thing (which it might seem to parents), most of us are very happily and positively "childfree".

StarlingMurderation · 22/03/2017 16:54

Mine started shouting for attention when I was about 33. I had DS at 36, and we're talking about whether to have no 2, but this time I'm not broody at all, so it's harder for me to be enthusiastic. I had a rough pregnancy and a hard time with DS as a baby, so that might have squashed my hormonal broodiness for good.

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