...to think the tick tock of the biological clock is a real thing?

[DerFlabberghast]

I'm in my early thirties and have never been maternal, I dont feel the need to breed and have always been happy with my decision, in the last few months though my ovaries have been raising a disapproving fallopian brow and seem to be trying to remind me that's time's running out, a bit like an interfering elderly lady at church asking you if you've got a boyfriend yet over tepid post-sermon nescafe.

I have the nurturing instinct of a concrete floor so I can only assume the biological clock is a real thing. I've even dreamed about children recently and woke up a bit gutted I'd never hold my own newborn...it's as though my uterus has grabbed a couple of glittery pom poms and is dancing up and down shouting 'Bitch i'm here!'

Nothing else about me has changed, is this actually normal?

[SparkleSunshine201]

Everyone's different. I never felt it personally!

[Cartright]

I've never felt it. Obviously some people do, but it's not guaranteed.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

I get more adamant the older i get that i am glad i haven't had children. The horror at the thought of finding myself pregnant gets worse the older i get.

[charlestrenet]

I never really felt it, conceived my first unplanned, and as soon as I knew he was the most important person in the world but that was because he was going to be a person, so it wasn't an abstract "babies babies babies" thing.

He came along, he was amazing, I fell absolutely in love with him but again it was just to do with him.

Then he got to be a year old and I was suddenly all "I MUST HAVE ANOTHER BABY." It was like a physical need and quite extraordinary.

Fucking hormones.

[Butterymuffin]

It's how the human race keeps going, isn't it? Not saying it gets everyone in the same way, but it has to affect enough people to ensure survival of the species. I was adamant I didn't want kids, until the point when I started thinking 'well, maybe' and then moved to 'yes, want one, give me one, why aren't I pregnant yet?'

Question now is do you act on it or not. What's your situation like in terms of partner, job, housing?

[haveacupoftea]

Yeah I was told by a GP I was pregnant (I wasnt but did have an ovary problem), had said ovary removed and all of a sudden was consumed with grief for the child that never was and might never be. I didnt even realise the depth of my feelings until after the pub when I would sob to DP about my fear of being infertile.

I dont think its a biological clock ticking, I think its a wake up call. A lot of people get it at 30 when they realise time is not on their side.

It might be cool and fashionable to not want children and sneer at parents, call them 'breeders' and so on. But it is important when 30+ or facing fertility issues to think about a life with no children and decide if it genuinely is what you really want. Having children doesn't have to turn you into an annoying 'yummy mummy' type, you can stay the same person after having a baby.

[Tallkala]

I think it definitely is. People go on about having children being a lifestyle choice. It's human instinct imo. Every species procreates.

My biological clock is ticking despite already having two children.

[sashh]

In my late 30s I did have a couple of dreams where I'd given birth. Then I woke up and thought, "Fuck, glad that was a dream"

That's the nearest I have been to broody.

[toomuchtvandsocialmedia]

Definitely a real thing. Mine went "ping" at 32 and I was consumed by a need to have a baby, despite having no desire to be a mum prior to this. I was fortunate to be able to get pregnant quite quickly and had DD the following year.

[Trills]

Nobody on this thread is sneering at parents or calling them breeders, haveacupoftea I'm sorry that in other areas of your life people do that.

[Trills]

GoodnightSeattle the question of regret is an interesting one.

If I reached the menopause with no children because I had decided I didn't want them, and then at that point I thought having children would have been better actually, that would be sad that I had made the "wrong decision", but I would have made my decision with the best information I had at the time.

If I reached the menopause with no children because I had decided I didn't want them, and then at that point my body decided to go 'babies babies so soft tiny creature babies babies', that would be annoying, but I wouldn't think I had made the wrong decision at all.

Having children is a huge decision. Doing it just to get rid of that feeling, if otherwise you don't want to, seems like an overreaction. Or perhaps I'm underestimating that feeling! :o

If you get the feeling and you already thought babies were quite a good idea, then that's different :)

[Mutella]

my child was an intellectual exercise. I wasn't carving out a career or even a stable job really. I had 'a job'. I had 'a boyfriend'. But not having had a child in that window of fertility is the only thing that can't be sorted out later so I guess I chose to throw caution to the wind and have a child with a deeply flawed man (a child did not help). but yeh, all the other things, secure housing, a secure job, they can be ''sorted out later'' so I believe I had a calling from some archetype (Mother) deep within me.

[ClopySow]

I thought it was only for women who hadn't had children. I had two in my twenties. At about 38 or 39, my body started screaming at me to have more. Thankfully it's stopped screaming now.

[Mutella]

I agree with you goodnightseattle, I think it's brave to bank on being immune to evolutionary psychology (for want of a better word). I believe the people onthis thread who didn't experience bravery, but like goodnightseattle to make the decision not to have a child even though I felt no broodiness at the time, it would have felt like too big a gamble.

I feel sad for people who experience a second ''missing out'' when their friends/sisters/colleagues have grandchildren.

[Mutella]

I think if your youngest child gets to 3 then the hormones telling you to have another go away.

[grumpysquash3]

OP, your post made me smile. My uterus did the glittery pom poms too and my glasses turned into baby-tinted spectacles, all around the age of 28.
It was only relieved by having 3DC, I warn you now!
And they are soooo soft and cute, with their little button noses.....
I am now late 40s and anyone who brings a baby into work has to let me hold it for at least half an hour :) My colleague has newborn twins :) :)

[FFTransform]

Mutella yes I agree about grandparents, my Dm who doesn't really like children apart from her DC said that when my siblings and I were in our mid 30s and not looking like settling down she suddenly had a wave of longing for grandchildren but kept quiet and was very glad a few years later when they started to appear!

[Nicotina]

41 when I had my first. Wasn't listening to any clock. Got married in late 30s. Assumed children unlikely. Pregnant within weeks of trying.

[NotTheMrMenAgain]

Hi OP, yes it's a very real 'thing' - well, it was for me. Since I was very small I told people I never wanted children and never had any interest in babies or maternal thoughts at all. In fact, I actively disliked babies and small children because they were loud and messy and stared at you! Anyhow, when I was in my early 30's that biological clock didn't so much tick as explode - I found myself wandering around Mothercare during my lunch breaks, stroking the baby clothes and crying (FFS!). I told my lovely partner we needed to have a baby, got pregnant immediately and DD was born when I was 32. Incidentally I never wanted to get married either, but DH and I got married during a holiday to Las Vegas when I was approx. 5 months pregnant (classy!) because I had a huge crying fit and said we had to get married "for the baby" FFS!
I still look at myself now and can't quite believe what happened. I never had the slightest urge to have another child (still not a broody person, still don't coo over babies, still don't really like most kids) but I adore my own DD. So while birth was horrific, the baby days were a black hole and toddlerhood was a torture at times, having my wonderful, funny, intelligent, gorgeous girl is the best and most important thing I'll ever do in my life.
So there - I was suckered into it, and the first few years were shit, but since the age of 4 it's just got better and better - I'd be lost without my girl now, she's my world. Mother Nature's a bitch though..

[heron98]

Another one here who, at 36, has never felt the tick or tock of anything.

I have thought long and hard about whether I should have children,. I like kids and have been on MN for 10 years because I am a Brownie leader and work in speech therapy.

But having my own? No thanks. Some of my friends and sister have had children but if anything seeing their lives has put me off more

[LaurieMarlow]

Yes, it's a thing. I had my first at 33 and am now desperate for another at 36. It becomes all consuming.

[User543212345]

Mine was like thecolonel's in that it went off like a mad thing when I was 30, which was hugely disconcerting as I'd never wanted children before then. After six months it turned back off and has stayed off since, which was a relief.

[Lottapianos]

Great thread OP. Like a lot of posters, i was adamantly childfree until something changed around 30. I don't know how much of it was biological urges and how much of it was that friends were having babies and I felt like there was a big party going on that I hadn't been invited to! The feelings came and went over several years and it was tough - I was really depressed about it all at times.

Fortunately I never lost my gut feeling that the reality of parenthood would have driven me mad. Whatever about regretting not having children, i felt there was a good chance i would regret having them if i went ahead. So I'm still childfree at 37 and feeling more settled about that all the time. That said, it was still an intense loss that took a lot of grieving

There are so many great things about being childfree. It's not easy, but you don't have to be a slave to your hormones. It depends what you actually want from life

[MontePulciana]

We started ttc after our wedding when I was 29. I wasn't maternal till I saw my son for the first time. I knew it's what we wanted long term though so we went ahead. Now I'm the biggest baby bore you will ever meet.

[DerFlabberghast]

Nothing else in my life is stable so I know it's my body rather than my brain doing the thinking. I know on a gut - and intellectual - level that I'm not cut out for motherhood, I wasn't expecting the physical urge to hit me quite so much!