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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt and want to read childishly?

49 replies

WildRoses · 21/03/2017 17:48

My 15yr old dd has just told me she can't be bothered going mothers day shopping and can't her younger sister do it instead (12yr old)?
I was gobsmacked firstly because when it's her friends or her boyfriends birthdays she spends all her babysitting money on them and even asks for an advance, which is fine as it's her money to spend on what she wants. When she needs face washes and cosmetic wipes etc I buy them all. I don't expect her to use her own money. I draw the line at cosmetics though as she like the expensive stuff, (Mac etc.)
Secondly, she's been a fan of Ed Sheerans since his very first song came out, so I've got her tickets to go see him next month which has cost me the price of 2 tickets as I am taking her. (It's not her birthday until October)
I just feel so put out now by the general, everyday lack of respect and acknowledgement to my existence.

I've gone out today to buy gifts for my dsc to give to their mum on Sunday as well.
I feel like telling my dd not to bother with mothers day if that's how she feels but not to ask me for anything at all, and that I'll take her younger sister to see Ed. I know the reaction is childish but I'm hurt by her behaviour.

OP posts:

joanopie · 21/03/2017 18:08

Yes do that. She is being selfish and tactless as many teenagers are. tell her how hurt you are after all you have done and thought about her. I wold put the Ed Sheeran Tickets up for sale btw, although if she comes round and buys you something you can take them off again.

DoingThisRight · 21/03/2017 18:19

I know it's the norm on here to think teenagers are selfish and excuses are made for them, but it's really really not the behavior of most. If she can thoughtful for her bf and when she needs anything then it shows she takes you for granted.
Use the tickets for yourself and your younger dd, maybe it will shock her into realizing that you too have feelings. Shame on her she's 15 and so so selfish.

Slothlikesundays · 21/03/2017 18:19

I once stormed downstairs on Mother's Day and ripped into my Mum as I had no clean clothes as they were lying dirty on my bedroom floor and made her cry. I'm a nice daughter now honestly! But 15 year olds are awfully self centred and thoughtless. Doesn't make it fair or easier I'm afraid but she'll probably feel bad about it in years to come. Hopefully she'll change her attitude and you'll get a nice card on Sunday.

Original poster

WildRoses · 21/03/2017 18:20

Title should have said react childishly!

OP posts:

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 18:22

I would smile sweetly and say no problem. Then when she wants to know what's for dinner, tell her you can't be bothered. When she wants to know where all her clean clothes are, tell her you can't be bothered. Being a teenager is no excuse. I know I wasn't perfect but if I'd have tried anything like that, that's the reaction I'd have got.

Original poster

WildRoses · 21/03/2017 18:25

She said "I suppose I'll have to come shopping with you otherwise you'll be in a mood with me!"
I even offered to take her up town on Saturday. I'm still fuming tbh.
And yes 'doingthisright' she doesn't need prompting for her friends or her bfs birthdays. I'm mum and stepmum to 6 dc all of whom live with me full time. Dss 2 tells me frequently I'm not his mum and added to this that he's not getting me a card as I'm not his mum. Hurting from all angles.

OP posts:

TheOnlyColditz · 21/03/2017 18:29

Ohhh roses, there would be NOTHING I could be bothered to do

AgathaMystery · 21/03/2017 18:34

Agree. I would absolutely not be taking her to an awesome concert.

for you xxx

ProseccoBitch · 21/03/2017 18:35

I could understand if it was your birthday but not this, Mother's Day is just more rubbish made up to get people to spend money on tat they don't need in order to supposedly prove they love someone, just like Valentine's Day.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/03/2017 18:37

Oh OP

What is that quote about serpents teeth and a thankless child.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/03/2017 18:39

Yup, King Lear, Shakespeare:

How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!

ThePiglet59 · 21/03/2017 18:40

"When she needs face washes and cosmetic wipes etc I buy them all. I don't expect her to use her own money...I'm mum and stepmum to 6 dc all of whom live with me full time..."

A bit less of that may help. I know that you can't stop being the mum, but if you act less like a doormat, you won't get walked on as often.

Being 15 is no excuse for being an ignorant little sod. As you say, she can make the effort for others.

isadoradancing123 · 21/03/2017 18:45

Step back and stop being so nice, and as regards the boy, if you are not his mum, fine, stop acting as if you are to him also.

Trb17 · 21/03/2017 18:45

I really feel for you. Mother's Day means more to me than my birthday since I became a mum so I'd be very upset too.

I'd leave her to do what she wants but ensure I didn't do anything for her in return for a while. She'll soon realise how much you do. Likewise for any other DC or DSC that treat you the same.

I'd tell her that you will probably sell the tickets now but that if she can stop being so selfish you might change your mind.

isadoradancing123 · 21/03/2017 18:46

Stop letting these kids treat you like shit, and demand a bit of respect

Bluntness100 · 21/03/2017 18:46

Well I wouldn't sell her ed Sheerhan tickets or take your other daughter instead. That's like someone punches you so you think it's ok to cut their head off. Talk about over kill ffs. I really dislike these draconian or over the top punishments that are often suggested by a few on munsnet. They do nothing to teach a child other than to obey through fear of retribution.

I think basically just tell her you feel hurt. Explain all the things you do for her. Talk to her about how she made you feel. Then Leave it there. She will very probably feel like shit. Helping her understand how her actions make you feel will help her in future develop empathy.

RochelleGoyle · 21/03/2017 18:54

I agree that you should tell her how hurtful her comments are. Being a teenager is no excuse. She obviously wants to be treated like a grown up, having a boyfriend and going to concerts, so she needs to start behaving like one too. Completely understand why you're hurt OP.

HeddaGarbled · 21/03/2017 18:57

Selfish little sods. Yes, definitely time for a bit of backing off from running round after them.

Also time to hand a bit over to your H, I think - he can sort out any presents from his children to his ex and he can make sure they all make some sort of effort for you.

No to the Ed Sheeran thing though, that's going too far and will cause WW3 (though I completely understand your immediate reaction).

MadisonMontgomery · 21/03/2017 18:57

Honestly? I would tell her that it's fine, you can't be bothered to take her to see Ed Sheeran.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 21/03/2017 18:57

How old are the step dcs? Do you think your dd sees you buying their mum something so expect the same?

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/03/2017 18:59

Agree with Bluntness. All very well to say leave it til she has no clean clothes then say you can't be arsed to wash them, but that will probably take too long as to be noticed as a direct consequence of what she said, IYSWIM.

I'm probably biased as I grew up with a very passive aggressive mother (not saying you are at all!) and I would always always prefer open and honest discussion.

DobbyTheFreeElf · 21/03/2017 19:00

Maybe she has already organised something for you and she doesn't want to spoil the surprise, so has said she can't be bothered to try and put you off (abet rather clumsily).

daisypond · 21/03/2017 19:01

I wouldn't like the attitude, but my DC ignoring Mother's Day doesn't bother me at all. I don't want them spending money they, we, don't have on stuff I don't want. I didn't realise people bought gifts at all, I thought it was just a card that they sent.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2017 19:05

Stop letting them walk all over you. I'd flog those fucking tickets. So what if it's 'WW3'?

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 21/03/2017 19:06

Teenagers are selfish and aren't always nice to there parents. So no I wouldn't be selling the tickets or taking the younger sister

I'd talk to her and tell her I I was hurt by her comments and that sometimes we make an effort for someone because it means a lot to that person and explain that a card on Mother's Day means a lot to you for all the things you do.

Let your younger dd choose your Mother's Day card & gift

with your stepson Maybe he feels you shouldn't be acting like his Mum so don't try and be his Mum, you can be nice to him and care for him etc without trying to be his Mum

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