To ask if you think there's a difference between being tired as a SAHM and tired as a WOHP?

[dampmorninginspring]

I don't work, although I do the odd day if it coincides with DHs time off, but it's generally about one day a month.

I was talking about possibly going back to work when youngest is in nursery (not for a couple of years) and DH was saying "you'll be tired." I pointed out jokingly I'm tired now and he said there was a big difference between being tired and staying at home and being tired and having to go out to work.

Is he right?

Naah, everything I have done since I have had children has been tiring. Mat leave, part time, full time etc. I think it's being woken at 5 am everyday and then being constantly on the go that is tiring. I will say that change is tiring so you might initially be more tired if you got a job as you would be learning new things.m

I work full time. I am also a lone parent, so do it all. The days I work from home are absolutely fucking brilliant compared to sitting in a traffic jam praying I will get to after school club on time.

Depends on your kids and the job.

My DH has never worked the job I used to do (SAHM) or spent more than a day in sole care of the kids.

If he tried to make out he was in a position to decide which was more tiring / demanding we would be having words. I would find it very disrespectful.

My kids are pretty crazy and my job was great - open plan office, fairly easy but well paid work, only intermittently stressful. I've not done it but I reckon for me, being a WOHM would be less tiring. But I know other SAHMs with easier kids who say how much they enjoy pyjama days and coffee mornings (so jealous of BOTH!) who would say SAHM is easier in a heartbeat.

So basically it's a non argument and the only opinion on it your DH should be listening to is yours.

I'm extremely lucky because I get to work from home as well, so those days much less exhausting. I do the nursery drop off but then it's all peaceful, no colleagues, no rambunctious toddler, just me and my laptop.

I agree with him tbh. At least as a sahm you can stay home, have a pj day or whatever. When you work you have no choice but to go out and face the world, and engage your brain

And when you have school/nursery age kids?

I agree with him.

At work although a very busy office job, it is far less stressful and relaxing in comparison to looking after children all day/night.

But there are days when I wish I didnt have to think about work, I feel I have no time for it in my life. But the money seriously helps.

I work full time (and commute) but find this less tiring than being a SAHM. I'm a lawyer so not exactly low pressure.
Full time parenting is hard for me as I struggle with the relentless repetitive drudgery of it. I'm not naturally maternal. I adore my children but I love coming home to a clean and tidy house and enjoying a couple of hours of quality time with them.

Depends on too many things to even begin to compare.

What job do you do? Full or part time? How many children do you have, how old, and what kind of age gaps? Can/do you use child care? What household tasks (if any) can you afford to outsource? What sort of family support do you have?

Just amongst my own WOHM friends, there is such a variety in all of the above that you cannot even begin to compare their tiredness and/or stress levels with each other, let alone in comparison to the SAHM friends.

How can you compare the lawyer with the teacher/the charity worker /the shop assistant/the city accountant/the graphic designer/the child protection social worker?

How can you compare a parent with one child with a parent who has two, three or four?

How can you compare the parent with babies and toddlers with the parent with teenagers stressing about exams?

You can't compare. I would just say we're all knackered in different ways, and leave it at that!

It really does depend on the job.
I used to work in retail. On my feet for the whole day, heavy lifting, dealing with rude members of the public. You bet that was more tiring than being a SAHP!
I did go back on reduced hours after dc1. Hated it.
Didn't go back after dc2. My youngest is a poor sleeper, and a very inconvenient napper. Yes, its tiring and can be hard.
On the bad days I remind myself just how much worse my old job was!
I think if I had had a job I loved, it would be different. Especially if it paid reasonably well.

My mother is one of those who insists that going to work is a break. She used to be able to mainly sit down, and there was a secretary who brought her coffee and her job was professional and she was somewhat fawned over - unsurprisingly she found this easier than being home with 3 small children who mostly ignored her and fought with each other, so she employed a nanny.

She projects her (probably rose tinted) memories onto people with totally different jobs, and recently told me of a chat she had with the nurse on night shift at a private hospital she had a routine operation in, and I was somewhat appalled to hear her say that the nurse had 3 young children and my mum had told her how nice it must be to come to work for a break! Hopefully the nurse assumed it was sympathetic irony... though I imagine the delivery won't have suggested that :/

It really does depend ... As others say there are too many factors for anyone to definitely say woh or sahp is "more tiring" without knowing absolutely every detail of your life.

"as your H has never been a SAHP, I wouldn't be looking to him for expertise on a situation he's never been in."

Well put Isetan

She projects her (probably rose tinted) memories onto people with totally different jobs, and recently told me of a chat she had with the nurse on night shift at a private hospital she had a routine operation in, and I was somewhat appalled to hear her say that the nurse had 3 young children and my mum had told her how nice it must be to come to work for a break! Hopefully the nurse assumed it was sympathetic irony... though I imagine the delivery won't have suggested that :/

I was nursing when I had three under five dc, I genuinely found it easier than being at home. I was on emergency admissions at a London hospital.
I still probably would have been annoyed if someone said that to me though.

Does he mean 'You'll be tired when you are working, and still solely responsible for children and all household tasks?'

i thought of this thread last night. my three year old DD woke up at 9, 10, 12, 1, 3 and 5. Screaming her head off and i don't know why. i was crouched naked over her bed at 3 am pleading with the universe to get her back to sleep.

Then i got up at 630 and headed off to work. i'm so tired my eyes itch and my head aches and i'm supposed to be firing on all cylinders. i won't get home until 9 tonight.

on days like day, being a working mum is infinitely more exhausting than being at home.