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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go out for Mothers Day?!

55 replies

VanillaBaby · 19/03/2017 23:13

I just want to stay in.
Ideal Mothers Day? Me, DH, and the kids maybe go out for a nice breakfast, just us.
Then in the afternoon, we'd go visit both of our mums. Going to visit, with a lovely bunch of flowers and some chocolates.
My mum won't mind, but MIL will want to go out for dinner somewhere.
Somewhere formal that's all sit down and never any fun with two little darlings Hmm who won't sit still or make the whole experience enjoyable.
Every year we've gone out for dinner with both sets. Last year was a fucking disaster as the kids were moaning and playing up, and nobody can ever decide where we want to go anyway.
"I don't mind, where do YOU want to go?" "How about so and so?" "Oh no, not there. Don't like there."
"Let's go to This Place then." OK. Me, easily pleased, eat anything, go anywhere for a quiet life.
Get there. Service isn't quick enough. There's no gammon on the menu even though there's every other fkn meat under the sun on there for the carvery so it's no good.
Time for puddings. DC's want ice creams. Fair enough. Waitress - how many scoops? Me - one, please (they're only small dcs.)
MIL, laughing - "no, they're having two, don't be mean."
Me - "no, one's enough." (I end up getting shouted down and they end up with two.) Although this hasn't happened for a while as I've grown a backbone and refuse to let myself get shouted down over parenting. Which causes some upset, but hey ho.
AIBU to say I just want a nice, us, breakfast out somewhere nice in the morning and then go visiting our mums with dcs in the afternoon with flowers and chocolates?
As I can see the drama and sulks happening already and I haven't even mentioned anything yet.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 19/03/2017 23:18

I don't know why anyone would want to go out for lunch on Mothers Day itself when everyone else is out and places are packed, plus prices are raised.

Breakfast sounds much better.

BackforGood · 19/03/2017 23:22

YANBU.
Mothers day - along with Valentines day has to be the worst day to eat out in a restaurant.
It's rarely fun to eat out with little dc anyway, if they have to wait and sit nicely for a long time.

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 19/03/2017 23:28

I will be spared all that as I am working,though dd is threatening me with an early breakfast(she's 13 so it will be a miracle if she's awake early)

ErrolTheDragon · 19/03/2017 23:33

YANBU. How about you and your DH and kids have your nice breakfast, then you go with your kids to your mum's, your DH takes his mum out so everyone is with their own mother? Your MIL can have her DS's undivided attention.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 13:26

So. Plan for Mothers Day -
Morning - nice morning with maybe some croissants and flowers, and a nice chilled morning in, just us. (So I get my time as a mum with my kids as well.)
Afternoon - both sets of mums come over here and we're cooking a meal.
We're lovely cooks and good hosts, it'll all be lovely. Smile
So both mums get to see their kids as well over Mothers Day. We actually WANT to see our mums and have a nice afternoon and possibly evening with them too. (No rush, leave whenever.)
All is good, everybody happy right?
Nope. MIL - "I'm going somewhere first." (In other words, you're all coming with me.)
Me - OK, see you when you get back, as we won't be able to make it, see you at ours for lunchtime.

  • "I can take granddaughters out then." Me - repeats what I said earlier. Now silence. (Until later on when it'll start up again.) What exactly are we doing wrong?! How are we being unreasonable wanting to spend time with everyone?! Why is nothing ever good enough and why are we denied time together? Don't I count as a mum too? All I want is a couple of hours to ourselves, then a nice day with our parents from lunchtime. DH has made it clear we want to host as well, we just want to avoid all the eating out as it's manic enough without the stress and business of Mothers Day.
OP posts:
Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 14:30

As expected. Started again. Fucking relentless. Sad

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 14:33

You're doing nothing wrong. You've planned a lovely day with your kids and mothers. (It's Mothers' day, not Grannies' day. )

She sounds like a self-centred person who enjoys being contrary. Even if you alter your plans to fit in with what she says she wants, she'll probably find something to find fault with. So you'd be better off standing firm.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 14:39

Thanks, it's so draining I'm starting to question myself.
"I'll take the granddaughters out then."
I so want to say "but it's Mothers Day, we want to do something together and then have everyone round for a lovely afternoon."
How do you say that though without coming across as a toddler stamping their foot and saying "But It's Mother's Day! What about meee as well?!"
Why would you want to take the dc's out? Confused IT'S MOTHERS DAY AND WE'RE SEEING YOU LATER FOR LUNCH AND A RELAXED AFTERNOON!

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 14:59

'Sorry, I've planned what I'm doing with my daughters in the morning, and of course we'd like both of our mothers here after that if they can make it'.

Probably sounds simpler when someone else says it.
Flowers

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 15:01

Yep. Sent that. Now got "you think I'm not capable of looking after them."
NO, I JUST WANT A FEW HOURS TO MYSELF!! Confused

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 21/03/2017 15:03

You're going to have to be blunter!

Can't wait to see you in the afternoon. Looking forward to enjoying my own Mother's Day with my children.

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 15:06

Reply, I don't know where you got that from, as I said, we have plans. We'll see you later on in the day.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 15:12

"you think I'm not capable of looking after them."

Jeez... assuming she is actually capable (and your DDs would actually like to go out with her), "no, of course you're capable, we can arrange for you to take them out some other time if you want. "

gleam · 21/03/2017 15:22

Broken record technique - just keep repeating your plans.

'You think I'm not capable..'
'Sorry you feel that way, mil, it'll be lovely to see you in the afternoon.

Doyouwantabrew · 21/03/2017 15:24

No way do we ever go out Mother's Day the restaurants are vile and frankly other people's kids annoy me.

Stay home.

Cabawill · 21/03/2017 15:25

For the first year ever I am packing my mum off to stay with my brother for the weekend and will send DH with the kids to see his DM in the afternoon with a bunch of flowers and some chocs.

I will not have to go through the restaurant rigmarole you've described like every other year where I'm constantly trying to keep DC from wriggling/whining. I will not have to pander to our mums by cooking and clearing up whilst not have any time to enjoy MY children. I host them both every Christmas and Easter as well as birthday teas for them both every year and everyone has a lovely time (except me who's too busy to enjoy it properly)

I CANNOT WAIT! Plan is similar to your proposed day OP: brekkie in bed with maybe a Disney film and lots of cuddles, walk with the dogs together, something simple for dinner, send them to MIL for a couple of hours whilst I have a long hot bubble bath and then play a family game.

Stand your grand- your day sounds great for everyone.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 16:28

Reply, I don't know where you got that from, as I said, we have plans. We'll see you later on in the day.

"no, of course you're capable, we can arrange for you to take them out some other time if you want. "

That's exactly the responses I actually gave before even reading these! Glad to see these as it shows I'm not actually going mad and am quite sane Grin

I said "of course you're capable, where on earth have you got the idea that we don't want you to have them?"
"That's how it's coming across to me. You don't want me to have them."
Me - "that's not true, would you like to take them out next weekend instead then? (see, totally showing you that I do want you to have them. Would actually be nice for her to have them, she gets a day with them, me and other half have a day to ourselves. Win win. )
MIL -
"No, that's no good."
Me - OK, which day's good for you then?
MIL - I want to take grandaughters out Sunday. The others aren't Mothers Day, are they?
Me "Sorry, we have plans in the morning, come to ours for a lovely meal.
MIL - "Hmm. I'll see."
Now there's an ominous sulking atmosphere emanating from the vicinity of the phone for the past few hours. Sigh.

OP posts:
ImFuckingSpartacus · 21/03/2017 16:34

Fuck her. Seriously, she's not your mother, you don't have to put up with her shit. Let her sulk and moan and remind yourself her drama has fuck all to do with you.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 16:39

' I want to take grandaughters out Sunday. The others aren't Mothers Day, are they?'

hahaha - probably best you 'but 'Yes, that's the point - I'm their mother'.

The 'hmm, I'll see' sounds to me like 'rats. DIL has a backbone. Lets see if I can get them to beg me to come.'

ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 16:40

sorry, that was supposed to be best you dont ... maintain the polite and amiable highground! Grin

Soubriquet · 21/03/2017 16:44

Wow what a petulant woman.

It's mothers day not grandmothers day. Maybe this needs pointing out to her

natwebb79 · 21/03/2017 16:48

Sounds like a nighmare but surely your DH should be dealing with these texts? Apparently we're off to the local Pizza Express with the in laws (MIL is a vegan coeliac so we're limited!) but that was completely arraged by DH and FIL seeing as it's a Mother's Day treat and all.

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 17:23

Keep repeating yourself. Don't give in. Treat her like a toddler as that is how she is behaving and have a wonderful Mother's Day.

I have a feeling mine will be spent trying to sleep off a hangover as we're at friends the night before. But that will be my own fault!!

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 17:24

Oh and I wouldn't let dh deal with it unless you are 100% certain he won't cave in or admit you have no specific plans.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/03/2017 17:27

I think you're trying too hard. Don't see either mother or mil on mother's day but send them nice card and flowers.

I can't see mothers day as a big deal tbh.