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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go out for Mothers Day?!

55 replies

VanillaBaby · 19/03/2017 23:13

I just want to stay in.
Ideal Mothers Day? Me, DH, and the kids maybe go out for a nice breakfast, just us.
Then in the afternoon, we'd go visit both of our mums. Going to visit, with a lovely bunch of flowers and some chocolates.
My mum won't mind, but MIL will want to go out for dinner somewhere.
Somewhere formal that's all sit down and never any fun with two little darlings Hmm who won't sit still or make the whole experience enjoyable.
Every year we've gone out for dinner with both sets. Last year was a fucking disaster as the kids were moaning and playing up, and nobody can ever decide where we want to go anyway.
"I don't mind, where do YOU want to go?" "How about so and so?" "Oh no, not there. Don't like there."
"Let's go to This Place then." OK. Me, easily pleased, eat anything, go anywhere for a quiet life.
Get there. Service isn't quick enough. There's no gammon on the menu even though there's every other fkn meat under the sun on there for the carvery so it's no good.
Time for puddings. DC's want ice creams. Fair enough. Waitress - how many scoops? Me - one, please (they're only small dcs.)
MIL, laughing - "no, they're having two, don't be mean."
Me - "no, one's enough." (I end up getting shouted down and they end up with two.) Although this hasn't happened for a while as I've grown a backbone and refuse to let myself get shouted down over parenting. Which causes some upset, but hey ho.
AIBU to say I just want a nice, us, breakfast out somewhere nice in the morning and then go visiting our mums with dcs in the afternoon with flowers and chocolates?
As I can see the drama and sulks happening already and I haven't even mentioned anything yet.

OP posts:
CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 21/03/2017 17:42

If she tries 'But it's Mother's Day!' again then you've got the perfect retort - 'Exactly, that's why I want my daughters with me!'

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 17:43

I think you're trying too hard.

Thank you, nice to know that someone thinks I am actually trying to please everyone as I get made out to be Bitch Queen Grin
I could understand the angst if we'd said "Nah, don't want to see you on Mothers Day. Don't come round, we'll do something another day."
We WANT to see parents on Mothers Day though! must be mad lol

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 21/03/2017 17:47

Yep you definitely must be mad

We have no excuse this Sunday as to why everyone can't come round

It's my Dd's birthday. So everyone will be coming round here to give her her birthday presents.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 18:21

The messages have started up again.
"Can't do next weekend. It'll have to be Sunday."

Me - "No sorry, can't do Sunday. Please come to ours at lunch for a lovely meal."

I'm pogoing around the lounge to loud music while sticking my tongue out at the phone as I press send.
It's helping to keep me sane good job no-one can see me lol

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 18:27

That's the spirit.

RiversrunWoodville · 21/03/2017 18:34

Keep strong vanilla

Soubriquet · 21/03/2017 18:35

Wish I was a fly on your wall right now Grin

SugarLoveHeart · 21/03/2017 18:37

Luckily, my mother thinks it's a load of bollocks!

ImtheSantaAnaWinds · 21/03/2017 18:38

Keep strong! You can do it!

SugarLoveHeart · 21/03/2017 18:38

I've actually never even thought about what MIL thinks... Oops!

Foslady · 21/03/2017 18:42

Bloody hell!!!! She wants your dc's for her Mother's Day - you're not allowed to celebrate being a mother yourself??!!! What's up with her? Has she seen our local craft place that says if you bring your mum along to craft you get free tea and cake????

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/03/2017 18:43

Wow. She is hard work.

Chinnygirl · 21/03/2017 18:46

I'd cancel the grandmothers altogether and do your own thing. I cancelled inlaws for christmas for a couple of years after three of them fed me turkey in two days. I felt stuffed (so did the turkey I guess). It didn't go down well but after that they were happy to compromise on the whole thing. Smile, be nice, hold them off. If they get angry, not your problem. It's your family now and this is your time to create memories with your children.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 18:56

She wants your dc's for her Mother's Day - you're not allowed to celebrate being a mother yourself??!!! What's up with her?

What she wanted originally was for us (me, dh, and dcs to go out for the whole day and then have the meal later as well.)
As we can't do a whole day out and then the meal on top, she's said she'll just take the kids out then.
As long as she doesn't say to the kids when she comes over next "I wanted to take you both out to but your mum won't let me (has actually happened in the past when we were unable to go out and had plans that day) Sad otherwise I think I may seriously lose my shit.
I can't do confrontation, I'm crap at it, it does not come naturally. It's starting to drive us both insane.
I don't WANT confrontation, I want people to be reasonable, dammit!!
Grin

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 21/03/2017 18:58

If you'd like, I'll lend you a 2 year for your MIL, I'm virtually never away from him as it is- could do with a break Wink.

Also, Mother's Day for me is at the beginning of March so it's OK.

Jokes aside, she needs to accept you as a mother in your own right, not just the random woman your husband married.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2017 19:05

So she's got form for using her grandkids as pawns in her game.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 19:07

Jokes aside, she needs to accept you as a mother in your own right, not just the random woman your husband married.

I think this is what it boils down to - we're the kids too, we're not grown ups despite both being over 40 which is why she does not listen, I think she doesn't see us as parents, we're still kids which is why we keep getting spoken over and over and ignored which causes complete friction.

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 21/03/2017 19:12

In our house mothers day is about me. Our mothers did their job and got their days back then. I'm the one in the trenches every day so I deserve a fucking medal to be spoilt for one day a year without having to deal with dinners out with various parents and pissed off children. They get a card, a gift and a phonecall and that's their lot. We stay home and I laze around and maybe get a takeaway. Happy days Grin

fourandnomore · 21/03/2017 19:33

If she mentions it again, can you not simply say you want to spend the morning with your children as it is your Mother's Day too? She sounds like a nightmare but I would want to set this straight now for future years.

Original poster
VanillaBaby · 21/03/2017 19:39

If she mentions it again, can you not simply say you want to spend the morning with your children as it is your Mother's Day too?

She will mention it again, and I'll have to resort to saying that but I know this will result in a sulk though and I've fucking had it up to here with them.

OP posts:
Foslady · 21/03/2017 19:45

Let her sulk - with a bit of luck she'll learn for next year.......and if she pulls the 'I wanted to take you with me too have fun'stunt with the dc's make sure you remind them of all the fun you had together and that you're sure she'll take them within the next few weeks, in fact better get the diaries out and can organise it right now....

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 19:47

Come on Vanilla. You can do it. You have the whole of mumsnet behind you!!

Spadequeen · 21/03/2017 19:49

Let her sulk. With any luck she'll stay away.

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 21/03/2017 19:50

I'd change tactic and just respond with

"I understand, you don't want to spend the afternoon with us - we'd love to host both you and mum for some yummy food and relaxed company with the children but as that's not working for you we'll just spend the time with my mum who is happy to join us and we'll catch you next time."

It'll cause a mini storm but will hopefully make her realise she's the only one missing out with her entitled attitude.

disclaimer I don't really care what anyone thinks of me and routinely get relatives backs up by ignoring their 'needs' so please feel free to ignore me

HelenaGWells · 21/03/2017 20:03

I never ever go out on Mother's Day. It's my idea of hell.