To speak to the teacher

[Cookingongas]

Dd (7) came home from school last Friday with a story. She always tells us everything about her day, and does embellish somewhat (told the teacher she's fallen off a cliff to break her ankle- believably enough that the teacher approached me to ask how this came pass?!?! - it was actually a flower pot she fell off)

She's told us that boy x and girl y in her class pulled down their underwear and touched their willy/fanny. She's promised not to tell. She's asked me if her friend will have a baby now. I've explained in age appropriate terms etc, but I want to approach the school and discuss this. Dh isn't sure because he doesn't want dd "interviewed" and made to feel uncomfortable (not to mention she's sworn is to silence)

Wwyd? Can the school do anything? Is it kids being kids or something to keep an eye on? Plus I'm suddenly very uncomfortable with the mixed gender toilets :(

Giving children the correct names for their body is a positive step forward in child protection.

Why?

If a child told me the strange woman down the road tried to touch his willy, I would be no less concerned than if he said penis.

Why does knowing the anatomical name help in any way? Why does not knowing it (or using it) bring shame? You still haven't where this shame is supposed to be, you just keep referring to it. Are you a nudist (whether allowing)? Do you openly tell people about your sex life? Menstruation? Some things we give different names to to make them a little nicer to discuss. Things like 'runny tummy', 'periods', 'willys' etc. None of them are shameful.

Are you going to explain this supposed shame?

We call it a knee. We don't call it a tibiofameral (sp?) joint, true.

Many 4 year olds need to be reminded to wipe their arse properly. It's part of advanced toilet training. If 3 is a more appropriate age to use in this example, then use that. I think you're tying to miss the point.

Why arse, not rectum or anal sphincter. Are you ashamed of it?

PasswordSettings - I've just said I'm projecting from my own negative experience and we'll leave it there, thank you.

porpoise - don't be daft! Knowing biology doesn't cause sex offences.

All mine knew how babies were made. There is a totally age appropriate way to tell kids how babies are made. This is entirely different knowledge to sexual assault.

Hmm, friend is pregnant, kids see big tummy. You explain there is a baby in there. they ask how did it get in? So, you explain in child friendly terms, or you lie. Can't see why you would lie.

At the same time, we teach our kids that anything under their underwear is for them, and other people shouldn't touch it. Also good age appropriate life lessons.

I do find people odd, in that they seem to think facts of life is the same as exposing kids to SEX!!!.

Mine learnt the actual mechanics of sex when they were about 9 or 10.

This actually made me laugh.
If they have been aroudn other kids, I am willing to bet that they learnt a lot more much earlier than that.

The danger of course is that playground information isn't always correct. Always better to make sure you are the source of good information.

steppemum Actually no they didn't. I guess they are not acquainted with yours.

And besides, my point IS that there are age appropriate ways of explaining how a baby got in there. Thats my exact point. But some people (i mentioned I saw this on another thread) Are telling a 4 year old how people actually have sex. Not flitting around the issue of penetration but explaining to them thats what happens.

I just don't think it appropriate to tell a child the full ins and outs of actual sex at such a young age. And by sexual assault I don't mean 6 year olds are going off raping their friends. What I mean is an increase of indecent sexual activity (could be rubbing their bits together?) have been reported in younger children. I just think some (not all!) might take that graphic info Mummy lovingly imparted upon them and decide to give it a go with Lucy from next door. Lucy mentions that to her mummy and hey presto you have an assault investigation. My comment does not mean the child is knowingly committing what is essentially a sexual assault.

All I'm saying is, i'm just not surprised kids are caught rubbing their bits together if they are given the graphic details of sexual intercourse at age 5. Kids emulate adults in their play, thats pretty common knowledge.

If my child of 4/5 had asked me if father christmas was real, i'd have told them the truth, yes, as it was, they didn't ask til much later.

I also don't think saying a penis goes into a vagina to make a baby is the same as describing sex, its just a factual statement of how the baby gets in there. nothing more, nothing less. there isn't anything graphic about that. I'm not sitting them down with a copy of the karma sutra. I also don't say boy and girl in relation to sex, I say man and woman/mammy and daddy, ie grown ups. they also know that mammy likes a bottle of wine on a saturday night, but they dont ask for it as they know that its not for children. same principle.

Password "Why does knowing the anatomical name help in any way? Why does not knowing it (or using it) bring shame?"

I do not think there is any shame in saying bum for bottom or willy for penis.

But I do think these words are the issue. I think the problem is with the euphemisms for the vulva or vagina (I prefer the word vagina, sounds more empowering to me, vulva reminds me too much of a car name!)

So, for example my mother called my vagina, that portal that would herald my entrance to woman hood, give me the joy of sex (good name for a book title) and eventually give the world my wonderful dd - my front bottom!

I'd like to think that the word front bottom had fallen into the past but I heard a mum use it for her dd the other day!

Maybe I am no better, we used nu-ni for our dd, and I know people who use mini!

These coy little names suggest the vagina is not a force to be reckoned with. They sound like a comedy character from a children's TV show.

So I do think knowing the correct term is helpful.

but I heard a mum use it for her dd the other day! use it to refer to her daughters, you know what I mean!

See, it just makes women and girls seem almost a bit silly.

We say penis and willy with no sense of embarrassment. But saying vulva or vagina seems, for some, to be embarrassing.

I also don't think saying a penis goes into a vagina to make a baby is the same as describing sex, its just a factual statement of how the baby gets in there. nothing more, nothing less. there isn't anything graphic about that. I'm not sitting them down with a copy of the karma sutra. I also don't say boy and girl in relation to sex, I say man and woman/mammy and daddy, ie grown ups. they also know that mammy likes a bottle of wine on a saturday night, but they dont ask for it as they know that its not for children. same principle.

exactly.

I am a teacher, and 25 years ago () when I was teaching we did sex ed in year 4. So that is age 8-9.
We did it in the context of how our body works, one week bones and skeleton, next week digestive system and poo, next week reproductive system and babies.

There was a topic in year 1 about my family and where I come from which talked about babies growing in Mummy's tummy (with simple explanation of how they got there) and then a topic in year 6 about puberty and how my body is changing.

Funnily enough there wasn't an increase in indecent acts or reports after any of these topics,and funnily enough there was no attempt to 'copy' this behaviour in young children, because the behaviour is unseen, so they don't copy it.