To go to Texas for 10 days on my own?

[FruitCider]

Background: I have "settled" status, due my parents claiming asylum in the uk. As a result of my countries history, my family are spread across the world.

One relative lives in Texas and has invited me over in the summer as other members of my family are travelling there. I actually have 2 weeks annual leave already. I started making travel plans and realised quickly my journey from start to finish will be around 18 hours. Therefore would need to go for a minimum of 9 days to spend a week there. All I would need to pay for is flights and dinner one evening. My family are very hospitable!

DP is becoming increasingly annoyed at my plans, as we have a 4 year old child together and "he will be stuck at home". He has been invited, but does not want to go. I don't feel able to take my 4 year old child on a 18 hour journey on my own.

I REALLY want to go. It is a bit like a family reunion, but in part of the world I've never been to. I've always wanted to go to America, DP has no interest whatsoever. He thinks I'm being vvvv unreasonable for even considering it.

AIBU to go to Texas for 10 days on my own?

That they won't cope with the journey, and I won't cope with the whinging/crying for 18 hours! Thought that was pretty clear from my comment?

No, possibly because I cross posted with another your posts. I was going to try to help - I'll duck out instead I think.

Good luck with your decision OP.

You want to go on your own. That much is obvious.

So go. And have a great time.

You don't need permission from a bunch of randoms online.

expatinscotland I'm sure if the journey was that awful you would either forgo the annual trip back, or have found a more convenient way of traveling.

Why are people insisting the OP takes her child with her? The whole point of her thread is she wants to go alone. As a few people have said, if it were a man who wanted to go alone, no-one would bat an eyelid, but God forbid a woman goes ANYwhere without her child. Jesus fucking NO!

Fuck it fruitcider, if you want to go alone, you go! As I said, enough men fuck off on trips galore alone and with their mates, and it's socially acceptable for THEM to do it. So go!

And yeah four IS too young to drag a kid on 18 hour trips across the continents. 8-9 y.o. yeah maybe, but not 4. I am sure some people have cute and fluffy little 4 year old infants who are as good as gold ALLLLLL the time yawn but most will not be too happy on such a lengthy trip!

Go OP, and enjoy yourself, and your husband can deal with it. He can do his job of being a parent! Like you do the rest of the year!

Go on your own. I went to US last year for a week for a relatives wedding on my own and it was bliss. Sure there were a few occasions when it would have been nice to have DH and DS there, I loved having my big old bed to myself, being able to recover jet lag at my own pace and doing stuff with family that I rarely see.

If you were planning to do it every year then yes its a problem, but a one off then go for it.

' I'm sure if the journey was that awful you would either forgo the annual trip back, or have found a more convenient way of traveling.'

Oh, yes, of course, high, since you know me personally so well, you know the minutae of my life. I go because my father is too frail to travel here. Otherwise, he would never see his grandchildren. More convenient way? Pray tell? And, since you know me so well, you'll also know my parents pay for our journey, so you'll have some suggestions for this 'more convenient' way of trans-Atlantic travel and funding, naturally? Perhaps a privately hired yacht, with a stop in Bermuda, that would be nice, to break up the journey.

Some of us are such utter failures as mothers, finding it challenging to do long-haul journeys with kids! God pity us our terrible failings!

That's the one I usually go to, HerRoyal.

AYank sorry if I sounded short, that wasn't my intention! I just thought I had been clear about my feelings on the subject.

Nothing to apologise for, go and have a good time.

My children are older, but I've left them twice for 18 days to go to India - partly family and friends, partly work - and am seriously considering going next winter too. It's important to me, and I don't madly want to take my lot (DP is also half Asian and doesn't particularly want to go to the subcontinent again for personal reasons).

Go and enjoy, OP.

Took us 21 hrs door to door last time we flew out.

YANBU to go on your own - of course you aren't!
If it's some kind of angst/guilt about how you shouldn't do anything for yourself without your DC then get on the plane!

If you would like your DC there but are nervous about travelling together, it is much easier than you think. But if you fancy the idea of a special trip without having a DC to consider, just go for it.

Have fun!

Expat I love you.

I am 30 weeks pregnant and just finishing a week ALONE in Dubai. I left my DS (nearly 3) at home for a week with my DH and my mother.

Yes if I had brought DS the trip probably would have been ok. He would have loved this hotel, the pool, the beach - and he would have had a ball.

But I DIDNT WANT TO BRING HIM. I wanted to wallow alone on the pool like a hippo, read for hours, buy baby stuff online and enjoy the flight with movies in peace.

It has been glorious I would be delighted for DH to take his own week at any stage. He and DS have bonded at home doing their own fun stuff.

OP go to Texas on your own and have the best time. Enjoy every moment.

YANBU to go on your own if the logistics at home for DP alone are ok with nursery pick up times etc. And if it's ok for DP to take a similar break at another time.

I totally understand that the idea of that journey with a 4 year old is daunting. I would have done it with my eldest DC no problem, but not so sure my now toddler will be the same temperament at 4 so it's something only you can know.

However, it sounds like this family reunion would be a lovely chance for DS to meet everyone. It would be a shame for him to miss out. Potentially worth suffering the challenge of just taking him yourself, as you will have help from the moment you arrive. So it's a tricky decision.

From your OP I had the feeling your preferred option is for all 3 of you to go. Can you 'sell' it more to DP as a holiday? I don't know Texas but surely there are things he would enjoy. If you can afford the 3 flights and annual leave I can't understand why he won't consider it.

I can't understand why he won't consider it.

There are lots of people who wouldn't consider going to Texas as a holiday destination (particularly if it involves seeing your DW/DH's relatives ).

I've been to Texas and love it but it is not for everyone and why on earth does the OP need to 'sell' the idea of a holiday in Texas to her DH - they are both adults, they can both choose their holiday destination and there is no 'law' that says that DWs and DHs have to have the same holiday.

I love lazy, hot holidays just lying on a beach; my DH loves skiing holidays - there is no compromise, we just holiday separately.

I've got two children with autism. I'm a lone parent. I've taken them to the US, the UAE and Thailand alone. I'm rather unsympathetic to the can't cope with it thing tbh. Just get on with it. That said if you are wanting ten days off being a parent and it's not likely to ever happen again I don't think that's particularly unreasonable either.

'That said if you are wanting ten days off being a parent and it's not likely to ever happen again I don't think that's particularly unreasonable either.'

Why does it have to be a one-time thing? Parents aren't allowed holidays on their own? I have a child with autism and travel to the US alone with him. I think it's shit. I have to get beta blockers and tranqs from the doctor to cope. The 'Well, I have it worse so you're shit,' stance is so negative and ugly.

Why does it have to be a one-time thing?

I don't think I said it did did I? I was referring to the family reunion aspect.

The 'Well, I have it worse so you're shit,' stance is so negative and ugly.

I didn't do that though I agree with you and there are a few posters that are horrendous got it

You wrote 'That said if you are wanting ten days off being a parent and it's not likely to ever happen again' with no reference to the family reunion element, thereby making it impossible to infer that's what you meant since no one has the ability to mindread.

Some people do not 'just get on with it'. Is that such a crime?

I fully intend to get more time off my lot later this year. Yes, I have NT teenagers and a co-parent, I grant you.

I'm going on another long walk route with a female friend. I'll be gone a week. Mine aren't teens or one is not NT. Somehow, my husband manages to survive.

Oh, Expat, that's really good. I'm so pleased you're doing that!

I did it last year, too . Had a wonderful time. Similarly, DH gets a month off childfree when I take the kids away and usually does a cycling holiday with a mate of his. Really didn't occur to me to feel less of a parent for going on holiday without my kids.

I suppose I just thought the fact that this was for a family reunion made it self explanatory. Sorry you didn't get it.

OP - if you want to go on you own then go on your own. Having a child does not mean that you are then never allowed to leave said child, and he does have ANOTHER parent who is an adult and therefore capable of looking after him .

I wonder if the protests that you could not cope or he could not cope with the journey are infact your way of avoiding saying ' i just want to go on my own'. ?

Really travelling with a child is hard work but no undoable...but i fully support the idea of just wanting to not take a child and have a holiday on your own with your family.

You are not a bad mother or bad wife for wanting to go on your own. Its a few days in the great scheme of things, not a 12 month sabbatical fgs .

go , have a lovely time

It is reasonable thought to off your partner an equivalent child free time off experience ...

My exdh and i often had trips away without each other or the children, it was usually a fair swap .

If some of the problem is your DP is making you feel bad /guilty for wanting to go, try offering him same in return

' i am doing this darling ...why don't you organise yourself some boys trip for later in the year in return' type thing might help